Love and choice

Years ago, when I was a teenager, I watched a movie called If These Walls Could Talk. It recounted three different women in three different generations making decisions about pregnancy and abortion. I can’t remember much about the movie but I do remember the scenes about old-school illegal abortions. It was awful.

I don’t doubt that those procedures were much worse than those that occur today, but nevertheless, even with her forewarning, I still found chapter 5 of Best’s book quite shocking. In this chapter, she outlines the different methods of abortion that are available. It is not dramatised. Her style is medical and straightforward. Her discussion of the possible physical and mental consequences of abortion made me want to read Melinda Tankard-Reist’s book Giving Sorrow Words, although at the same time the sheer weight and grief of the topic makes me hesitant. I wonder if its one of those things that for the sake of love, we just need to keep thinking and reading about this topic.

Best goes on to discuss why women consider aborting. She explains how even those women who think abortion is wrong, even women who are evangelical Christians, have abortions because they feel they have no other choice. This means it is so crucial for friends and churches to provide support, so that the choices can reappear in view.

There are many helpful things in the rest of the book. These include Best’s advice to pregnant women on working out whether to get married, and her discussion on what’s involved in adoption. Overall, I was struck again and again by the need to be ready to help and support when needed.

To finish up, a word for anyone out there facing these very difficult decisions for themselves... I can’t imagine how hard it must be or how trapped and scared you may feel. But here are some words from a woman I know who found herself in a similar situation, I hope in some small way they help:

My advice and encouragement to other ladies who might be facing the challenge of unexpected pregnancy is that every child is a gift from God. Our little boy is nearly 5 now, and he is a gorgeous angel with a gentle and loving personality. We are witnessing the way his faith is growing and the desire he has to follow Jesus. I strongly believe that God can turn something which we often see as a challenge or a failure into blessings for us and others, as we keep on focus on Him and seek His will and guidance as we deal with the challenge and face the consequences.

Amen & Amen.

The beginning of life

Don’t let the science-lingo put you off, but have a read of this:

‘The time of fertilization represents the starting point in the life history, or ontogeny, of the individual’.

Sound like something from the pro-life debate? It’s not. It comes from medical textbook Patten’s Foundations of Embryology*. Best quotes it as an example of how, for the scientific world, the embryo is a human being, albeit in the early stages of development, right from the moment of fertilization. It’s an example of how in chapters 2-3, Best is at her best (shameless pun), weaving together science and theology, and packaging it in a very accessible format.

In chapter 2 she provides a simple framework for ethics (motivation, intention, action, consequence). Whilst this does not have the depth of other frameworks (e.g. Andrew Cameron’s in Joined-up Life which we reviewed on EQUIP book club last year), nevertheless, it serves its purpose.

The highlights for me came in chapter 3 where Best combines science and a discussion of the incarnation to show how fertilization is the most logical point to say life begins.

By the time a woman knows she is pregnant – that is, when the embryo is at least two weeks old – there is really no disagreement among educated people about whether it is a human being at an early stage of development. The disagreement is more about how it should be treated. (p41)

It is this question she turns to in the remainder of the book.

In these chapters (and those that follow), Best is seeking to cover a lot of ground and to keep the book very accessible. This means that at times I can’t help feeling that this book would be very confronting if I were unexpectedly pregnant. But to be honest, I think that in a large part this is due to the nature of the topic. We are talking about big, hard, things. We are talking about our responsibility and opportunity to care for unborn human beings. But it does mean that if you’re intending to give it to someone, it’s probably worth reading first, or even perhaps reading with them/sending them sections. This is particularly the case with chapter 5 which we’ll consider next week.

*$155.86 from Amazon if you’re interested – I’m sure it’s a great read!

Introducing our new title, Megan Best's 'A Life Already Started'

I didn’t expect to be writing this blog.

In all honesty, I had another book all lined up and ready to go. But we’d already blogged on it a while ago at EQUIP book club!

So, our wonderful blog-coordinator (Siân- we love you!) suggested another book. This book. A book I would not have chosen. But I guess that’s the nature of the topic. It’s the kind of thing you’d never plan to read, but we probably all need to.

It’s full title is: A Life Already Started: Finding a positive path in unplanned pregnancy. It’s by Dr Megan Best who some of us may know from her brilliant book ‘Fearfully & Wonderfully Made’.

In all likelihood, every one of us will face the issue of unplanned pregnancy. Whether for ourselves or for someone we know and love. Women and men are facing these decisions right now as they sit in our churches and it is worth taking the time to think, pray and plan how we might respond.*

As the title suggests, this book seeks to provide advice, information and comfort in the hard situation of an unplanned pregnancy outside of marriage, particularly for a person who is Christian or who has some contact with church. The beauty of this book is breadth. It holds out the gospel (ch. 1), provides an ethical framework for when life begins (chs. 2-3), explains the biology & medical side (chs. 4, 5) and gives wise biblical advice (chs. 6, 7, 8).

The first chapter is a great reminder of God’s forgiveness. This is the place to start. I asked a friend of mine what she found helpful when she found herself pregnant, outside of marriage. One thing she said was: 

Being constantly reminded that sin is sin in God's eye regardless of what type of sin it is. The sin we committed is more public than others, but it doesn't mean that God will look at what we did differently to other sin.

These are the truths Best’s first chapter holds out. I particularly appreciated her advice on what not to say when someone tells you they are pregnant outside of marriage (e.g. ‘what did you think would happen?’, ‘it’s not so bad…’ etc), what to say and the way she points to Jesus: ‘Jesus is gentle with us in our sin and remorse.’

It is worth noting that this book is targeted more at the friend or family member of the woman who is pregnant than the woman herself. It does contain an appendix written ‘to the pregnant girl’ (pp. 100-106), but otherwise it’s probably the kind of thing you read and process rather than give directly. If you are pregnant and reading this book, it is worth reading, but perhaps start with the appendix and then chapter 1 and then go from there as you feel ready.

Secondly, it’s also worth noting that this book generally envisages a pregnant woman who is quite young and perhaps at school. While a significant proportion of unplanned pregnancies outside of marriage happen at this stage of life, it is not always the case. It is just worth keeping this in mind so we don’t think ‘that could never happen to her’ or ‘that could never happen to me’.

Next week we’ll look at chapters 2-4 where Megan considers how to make ethical decisions, and the biology of falling pregnant.

But let me finish with an excerpt from the appendix (a pastor’s note to a pregnant girl):

The woman at the well who had a series of lovers would have been judged by those around her, but Jesus reached out to her in love. Jesus did not love her because she had gotten her act together, but despite the fact that she hadn’t. He loved this woman and he loves you.

If you are pregnant and you don’t want to be pregnant, it is normal to feel like your world is crashing in on you. It is normal to feel like there is no escape. But in the midst of all this panic, remember that God loves you and he will continue to do so in whatever mess you might find yourself.

Isn’t that the truth.

*If you would like more information about unplanned pregnancy support, or how you can help, consider visiting New South Wales-based Diamond Pregnancy Support (this blogger has no formal link with this organization, I’ve just seen evidence of their good work).