I didn’t
expect to be writing this blog.
In all
honesty, I had another book all lined up and ready to go. But we’d already
blogged on it a while ago at EQUIP book club!
So, our
wonderful blog-coordinator (Siân- we love you!) suggested another book. This
book. A book I would not have chosen. But I guess that’s the nature of the
topic. It’s the kind of thing you’d never plan to read, but we probably all
need to.
It’s full
title is: A Life Already Started: Finding
a positive path in unplanned pregnancy. It’s by Dr Megan Best who some of
us may know from her brilliant book ‘Fearfully & Wonderfully Made’.
In all
likelihood, every one of us will face the issue of unplanned pregnancy. Whether
for ourselves or for someone we know and love. Women and men are facing these
decisions right now as they sit in our churches and it is worth taking the time
to think, pray and plan how we might respond.*
As the
title suggests, this book seeks to provide advice, information and comfort in
the hard situation of an unplanned pregnancy outside of marriage, particularly
for a person who is Christian or who has some contact with church. The beauty
of this book is breadth. It holds out the gospel (ch. 1), provides an ethical framework
for when life begins (chs. 2-3), explains the biology & medical side (chs.
4, 5) and gives wise biblical advice (chs. 6, 7, 8).
The first
chapter is a great reminder of God’s forgiveness. This is the place to start. I
asked a friend of mine what she found helpful when she found herself pregnant,
outside of marriage. One thing she said was:
Being
constantly reminded that sin is sin in God's eye regardless of what type of sin
it is. The sin we committed is more public than others, but it doesn't mean
that God will look at what we did differently to other sin.
These are
the truths Best’s first chapter holds out. I particularly appreciated her
advice on what not to say when someone tells you they are pregnant
outside of marriage (e.g. ‘what did you think would happen?’, ‘it’s not so
bad…’ etc), what to say and the way she points to Jesus: ‘Jesus is
gentle with us in our sin and remorse.’
It is worth
noting that this book is targeted more at the friend or family member of the
woman who is pregnant than the woman herself. It does contain an appendix
written ‘to the pregnant girl’ (pp. 100-106), but otherwise it’s probably the
kind of thing you read and process rather than give directly. If you are
pregnant and reading this book, it is worth reading, but perhaps start with the
appendix and then chapter 1 and then go from there as you feel ready.
Secondly,
it’s also worth noting that this book generally envisages a pregnant woman who
is quite young and perhaps at school. While a significant proportion of
unplanned pregnancies outside of marriage happen at this stage of life, it is
not always the case. It is just worth keeping this in mind so we don’t think
‘that could never happen to her’ or ‘that could never happen to me’.
Next week
we’ll look at chapters 2-4 where Megan considers how to make ethical decisions,
and the biology of falling pregnant.
But let me
finish with an excerpt from the appendix (a pastor’s note to a pregnant girl):
The
woman at the well who had a series of lovers would have been judged by those
around her, but Jesus reached out to her in love. Jesus did not love her
because she had gotten her act together, but despite the fact that she hadn’t.
He loved this woman and he loves you.
If
you are pregnant and you don’t want to be pregnant, it is normal to feel like
your world is crashing in on you. It is normal to feel like there is no escape.
But in the midst of all this panic, remember that God loves you and he will
continue to do so in whatever mess you might find yourself.
Isn’t that
the truth.
*If you
would like more information about unplanned pregnancy support, or how you can
help, consider visiting New South Wales-based Diamond
Pregnancy Support (this blogger has no formal link with this
organization, I’ve just seen evidence of their good work).
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