It’s personal

‘Don’t take it personally.’ It’s a phrase that screams danger; here comes a criticism, here comes a judgment. Sometimes it’s hard not to take it personally. You comment on my carpet? Meh. It was there when I moved in. You comment on my family? Ouch. That cuts deeper.

Some things it’s hard not to take personally. The personal nature of God’s teaching about men and women is one aspect that often makes it hard to digest. It’s not externals but my identity, who am I? This Word impacts my perception of who I am, and who I think I am impacts how I hear this Word. Men and women alike. The last part of Dr Claire Smith’s book captures highs and lows with a personal touch and personal impact.

Claire gives a thoughtful and pastoral response to the great and inexcusable distortion of relationships where one party harms the other. ‘There is no biblical justification for domestic abuse’ (Smith, 186). Amen, sister. It has no place in God’s design for relationships of men and women. Sadly, if you live in our broken world this kind of issue is likely to cross your path in some way. Abused, abuser or concerned person, I pray that this chapter may bring help, grace and truth into the situation.

The last text Claire brings to light is Proverbs 31; the proverbial A to Z of the ideal woman. Claire notes about this portrait, ‘men love it and women don’t’ (Smith, 195). She’s right. It’s hard not to feel self-conscious when standing next to a stunningly beautiful specimen. Knowing that Proverbs 31 is the air-brushed ideal with all the wrinkles of life removed perhaps helps explain the feeling. It doesn’t mention what this woman said when she stubbed her toe getting up in a sleep deprived state to the latest crying child at 2am one night. It’s not trying to say everything. The beauty of Claire’s treatment is that she reminds me not to write this woman off. She’s still got plenty to teach me, even as an ideal. The Proverbs 31 woman is, under everything, a sister in faith. Here’s a woman who fears God. Here’s an industrious, strong, wise, thoughtful, loved and loving woman. Here’s a sister living out her faith. Perhaps, rather than self-consciously skipping the page I need to pause, pray, and consider God’s Word in Proverbs 31 more deeply.

The final section of Claire’s book is also worth pausing over. The power of God’s Word is evident throughout Claire’s work. Here is testimony to God’s power in her own life. The tug-of-war for and against biblical roles for men and women has played out over decades in Claire’s life. I come away feeling thankful that Claire would share so much of herself and her own journey with me. This path has not all been smooth sailing. Yet there has also been much joy along the way.

I can also bear witness. God’s Word personally impacts me as a woman in Christ, sister, daughter, church member, and full-time member of a ministry team. As for Claire, it has been those with deeply held complementarian convictions who have most encouraged, supported and cherished me as a sister in Christ. I have never been at a loss for opportunities to serve Jesus and his people. I work alongside two godly faithful men and their wives. These blokes actively seek to protect and nurture and lay down their lives for their families. These women respect their husbands and help them stand firm and serve in Christ. Their ministries together have highs and lows, as all relationships do. Still they teach me that God knows what he’s talking about. Likewise in our church life, God has blessed us with many godly men and women who serve in a wide variety of ways. There are a particular bunch of blokes, our elders and bible study leaders, who take a fatherly role in our congregation. They teach us, they lead us, they take care of us. As they work in unity, rather than competition, with the women in our midst they’re a great blessing. The women serve Christ in so many, many ways. None of this service is aimed at taking over from the men. I have great respect for our church leaders. I’m thankful for them.  We’re on the same team and working for the one Lord.

Of course, it’s never as smooth and ideal as all that all the time. But, for me, working within this pattern has freed me from the ‘battle of the sexes’ and allowed me to get on with serving Jesus. I teach kids about Jesus each week. I regularly teach the kids in church, as their parents look on. In our kids church we learn from the same part of God’s Word as the grown ups week by week. I feel like things are going well when I can support the preacher by teaching the children the same as he’s teaching their parents. I’m not trying to steal the spotlight or get in first or say it my way instead of his. I’m trying to assist God’s work in His family. Perhaps as Dad turns around in the car on the way home and asks what the family learned this morning the kids church lesson can tie in with the preacher’s message. As mum gets another, slightly scrunched up piece of paper with coloured bits and stickers, perhaps she can see how the kids church idea fits in with what she heard from the pulpit and start deciphering it all. Whole families together are hearing God speak. The strength and graciousness of godly men in our church frees me to serve rather than stifling me.

I’m still convinced that God’s design for men and women includes different roles within the one glorious salvation. All are needed to bring in the harvest. The fields are still white. I pray that many men and women might read Claire’s book and live more and more for Jesus.

At home in Christ

Smoke clears from the fireworks. Bags trundle along conveyor belts. The Australian hand luggage weighed down by silver. The Olympics are done. I wonder what happens after the celebration fades?

“Don’t leave your javelin in the hall.”

“Are these the dishes from when I left?”

“It’s not an Olympic pool but can you just look in on bath time?”

There’s no gold medals for keeping your temper. There’s no slow motion replay for taking the garbage out. Yet every day there are feats of incredible care and respect in homes all around the world. Every day calls for Olympian endurance, strength and grace.

More than once in the past week I’ve listened to women wrestling with their husbands, figuratively not literally. Often in these conversations I don’t know what to say. They’re trying to work out how to live as godly husbands and wives. Though unmarried myself, as a child I’ve witnessed first hand the messiness of multiple divorces and remarriages. Regardless of your own marital status, who can really understand the intricacies of another’s marriage? This side of new creation, godliness is hard.

God’s grace teaches us to say no to sin and yes to Jesus (Titus 2:11-14). Dr Claire Smith’s next chapters lead us through God’s Word addressed to men and women at home, in our marriages. She continues to be clear and thoughtful. As I read Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3 and Genesis 1-3, I’m challenged by the nature of submission, I’m encouraged by the dignity God accords to women, and I’m reminded again of how amazing the God is whose image we bear.

“We have reduced headship and submission to attitudes that have no tangible expression. We give lip-service to the biblical model but our patterns of relating are so ingrained, and so influenced by our secular authority-hating culture, and the pressures of marriage and family life are so great, that it is all just too hard – especially when our marriage is stable and we dare not rock the boat! But this is no way to treat God’s demand of us. He demands radical obedience.” (Smith, 128.)

To obey isn’t often radical. To stop at a red light isn’t revolutionary. Yet I’m reminded again how different God’s model of relationships is to the world’s. Some years ago now I saw Bridget Jones’ Diary, not for the first time. Instead of enjoying it I was somewhat horrified by the language, the selfishness, the idolisation of romance and destructive patterns shown. God’s way’s different.

The model in Ephesians 5 is Christ and the Church, His self-sacrificial love, her willing submission in everything. Claire, like God’s Word, addresses both men and women, but it was the willing submission in everything that really stood out to me as I read. There’s no area of my life Christ doesn’t have a claim to. Everything’s his. I can whinge about it and make excuses. Grudging obedience (or quite possibly disobedience) is very different to joyful submission.

“Do I really need to be generous this week?”

“Surely, I don’t have to answer the phone if mum calls in my favourite show.”

“If I had my coffee then I wouldn’t be snappy on a Sunday morning.”

In all of life I’m Christ’s person. There’s no moment I don’t belong to his family. Respect for Jesus impacts everything. This reflection cast a new light on Ephesian’s only qualifications placed on the instruction to wives. ‘Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.’ (Ephesians 5:24) Once married, in all of life I’m wife. There’s no moment I don’t belong to his family. Respect for a husband impacts everything.

“…wifely submission requires intelligence and wisdom, decisions and diligence, spiritual discernment and plenty of repentance.” (Smith, 153.)

Submission is never to be exacted by a husband. It’s a voluntary action by the wife. There’s great responsibility given to women in this biblical instruction. In no way are women excused from godliness or treated as morally or intellectually inferior. Women’s equality in salvation gives great dignity and no excuse to escape obedience to our Lord Jesus.

Sometimes it’s tempting to think, “If other people weren’t so sinful, then I could obey.” “If he just pulled his weight, then I’d do my bit.” It’s hard to be the first to say sorry. It’s hard to admit my part and take responsibility for the things that are mine, and leave to you the things that are yours. It may not be easy but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do. By His grace, His Spirit convinces me His way is best and gives the strength to keep going.

Over and above the details of day to day stands a great big God. In the beginning he made light in the dark. He made us in His image. He made us male and female. I’m astonished again to realise that I show the world a little something of what God is like. Just by being human. Especially by relating in God’s way as male and female. Most of all by being made new in the one who is *the* image of the invisible God. That’s worth more than gold.

How to behave in the household of God?

This term at church we’re learning together from Galatians. Again and again I’m reminded that I’m saved by grace through faith in Christ and not what I do or who I am. I’m astonished again that God includes me in a promise made millennia ago that was always to be received by faith. Redemption through one man, inclusion in one family, the gift of one Spirit, brings unity. There are no tiers of better or worse Christian, no distinction of lesser or greater salvation. There is one promise and one rescuer.

Yet God’s family is diverse. How are we to act in unity enabled, rather than hindered, by our difference? As always God is at least one step ahead of me and tells me what I need to know in his Word the Bible. Dr Claire Smith has done Jesus’ people a great service by clearly and carefully laying forth what he says. In the first section of her book, Claire sheds light on passages that concern men and women in the regular gathered congregation of God’s people, 1 Timothy 2, 1 Corinthians 11 and 14.

I appreciate that Claire treats her reader with respect. Claire doesn’t water down the issues, or neglect controversy, or shy away from presenting alternative views, or skip over qualifications or nuances. Nor does Claire avoid affirming strongly what she concludes the Word of God says plainly. I’m so glad to read someone who takes God’s Word so seriously. Her desire to hear God speak makes her diligent and thorough in her presentation. She wrestles with the details in light of both the immediate and broader context.

So I’m left delighting in my salvation and asking myself lots of questions about how to live this out. Much of the application seems to be about my attitude as well as my behaviour.

Do I joyfully embrace God’s pattern of relationships from creation? Am I glad to play my role or do I covet another? Am I characterised by contentment or bitterness? Have I come to a position which has a final ‘It’s God’s Word but…’ clause on the end? Where are my cultural blind spots? Have I gone beyond the Word of God and added extra rules or taken something away?

In the regular gathering of God’s people do I show respect and voluntarily submit to those who are over me in the Lord? Am I learning as God’s Word is taught? Am I sitting in judgment over the authoritative teaching of God’s Word? Do I nurture respect and willing submission in others for whom that is appropriate? Do I engage in gossip about our leaders? How can I encourage godly and gifted men to step up and lead?

What is the culturally appropriate way to express equality in Christ and differences of authority within God’s family? When I teach the children in church am I honouring or undermining those who are in authority over me? Do we have suitable male and female role models teaching our children?

Does my ministry encourage order or disorder? Am I motivated by building the body of Christ? Am I letting my ability to do something lead me to insist that I must do it? Where are the God given opportunities for me to speak and to remain silent?

I have more questions than answers at this stage. God’s Word is sharp, as always.

Here we go again

I’ve read the Bible, I’ve been to the electives, I’ve heard sermons, I’ve read articles, here we go again. This isn’t a new conversation. In fact, serving alongside women in a local congregation, it’s a conversation I have quite often. I got a phone call yesterday from a woman asking about the application of 1 Timothy 2. She wants to honour God as she’s called on to share reflections in small group devotions in her Christian workplace. What should she do?

Precisely because it’s on ongoing conversation, Claire’s book is immensely valuable. I've thought about these things before. I’m reasonably settled in my convictions of what I think God says in these passages. And I keep on having this conversation with my Christian brothers and sisters, with my non-Christian family and friends. The world keeps asking, ‘Did God really say that about men and women?’ My identity in Christ is very different to the one the world says I should have as a capable, independent woman. So I’m thankful for another voice urging me to listen to my Lord.

I appreciate Claire’s clear language and forthright presentation. Hearing her speak, I’ve come to expect a well thought out, well structured and easy to follow layout. Claire’s writing delivers. Her brief outline of our cultural milieu and history of feminism is not overwhelming but helps orient us as we come to God’s Word. Then she starts working closely through what God says. Claire herself says, ‘And when I say ‘closely’, I mean text by text, verse by verse and sometimes even word by word.’ (God’s Good Design, 18). Her treatment is careful and rigorous without leaving us swept away in the litres of ink spilt in this debate.

In this conversation I want God to speak. Who am I in Christ? Who am I as human creature of a marvellous creator? Who am I as a woman? Sister? Daughter? How can I speak the gospel to my sisters in Christ, my family and friends through this conversation? I feel like it’s too important for me to let my culture, my expectations, my wisdom or my baggage to dominate it. I don’t want to assume I’ve got all the answers. I’ve still got lots to learn. I still take a deep breath and wonder what to say next whenever this conversation comes up. So I’m praying that God might use Claire’s book to help me listen to him. What does God really say about men and women?

About our contributor: I grew up in western Sydney. In early high school my Christian friends started an Inter-School Christian Fellowship (ISCF) group and my Nan gave me a copy of the New Testament. I thought I was good enough for God. As I read the gospel I met Jesus and realised I needed him as my Lord and Saviour. I put my trust in him and became a Christian.

At university God graciously and persistently challenged me that His plans and purposes demanded my efforts and priorities. After uni I completed a ministry apprenticeship part-time on campus and then studied at Moore Theological College and the Presbyterian Theological Centre. I now serve Christ and his people full time at Chatswood Presbyterian Church. I tell kids about Jesus, at church on Sundays and in schools during the week. I read the bible and pray with women.

I love my morning coffee, brunch by the beach, homemade pasta or pizza with friends, playing my guitar, chasing a flying disc at ultimate frisbee and watching sports of all kinds, especially cricket.