EQUIP book club

Appendix E: Theistic evolution and the God of the gaps

2012-01-31T18:50:00.000+11:00

This appendix analyses some common perspectives of God’s work and has helped me critique my own, revealing assumptions I have held. If someone asked you, “What is your evidence for the existence of God?” what would you say? Do you talk about the things we cannot explain like the origin of life or do you emphasise the consistency of natural processes like the sun rising? How does your answer reveal your view of God’s activity in the world?

I have found that often people accuse Christians of lacking evidence for their belief. That it is purely “blind faith” that we rely on. This partly stems from a view that God does not act in the day to day running of life. Reducing the extent of God’s activity to those things we cannot yet explain- the “gaps”. Therefore if we can explain how something occurs through Science then God is obsolete. But this is a false assumption and unbiblical. Job 36:26-28 “How great is God--beyond our understanding! The number of his years is past finding out. He draws up the drops of water, which distil as rain to the streams; the clouds pour down their moisture and abundant showers fall on mankind.” Clearly Job has understanding of the water cycle and yet attributes this natural process to the work of God. As a Christian in this scientific age I need to ensure that I don’t exclude God from His work. I must remember the laws and processes we can describe and use were put in place and are maintained by our creator God. As Lennox puts it “I do not find the main evidence for God’s activity in the current gaps in the scientific picture. I see evidence of God everywhere in the science we do know- indeed, I see it in the very fact that we can do science.” (p165)

If we are accused of not having good reasons to trust God then the antidote is to know why we believe and be able to explain this clearly and succinctly. Our faith is not based on wishy-washy feelings but on a solid foundation and we are called to be ready to explain it (1 Peter 3:15). John the apostle cared about this, “But these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.” (John 20:31). Evidence, belief, life.

I have appreciated closely reading this book as it has challenged me to think through and articulate my belief. Areas in which I have been intellectually lazy I have had to do the hard work of thinking critically and deeply. Through God’s grace I have been rewarded with a richer appreciation of God’s work in the world and I look forward for opportunities to share this with others.

Chapter 5- The message of Genesis 1

2012-01-23T19:59:00.000+11:00

On Wednesday I met a Buddhist monk and asked him what he thought of evolution. He spoke briefly about cause and effect and then said that the theory of evolution was not important to Buddhists because their concern is solving the problem of suffering in themselves. As evolution does not aid this, it is not worth thinking about (This is a paraphrase. The monk I spoke with is a Theravada Buddhist and may not represent all types of Buddhism). I was not particularly surprised at his response because (to my understanding) Buddhists do not have an origin story as it is irrelevant to solving the problem of suffering. However, I had some sympathy for his position. I don’t really care whether evolution occurred or not but I do care where we came from. Chapter 5 celebrates the wonder of creation and reminds us why we care so much about “the beginning”.

This chapter was a breath of fresh air. After reading about all the things we cannot learn from Genesis 1-2 it was nice to read about the things we do learn. We are reminded that material things are not everything. We are more than matter. I really appreciated Lennox’s discussion about the intangibility of consciousness and energy (p101-102). I have vainly attempted to explain what energy is to students and it is comforting to know that it isn’t just me. These things are not easily defined or explained except in terms of their effects. But what is more significant from his discussion is that there are plenty of things we cannot explain and yet we are confident they exist.

A materialist would say there is nothing outside this world therefore all human achievements and endeavours and successes are a triumph of human thought. My proud heart can lead me to think this as well. But Genesis 1-2 teaches us there is wisdom in this world that is greater than any part of creation. ”By wisdom the LORD lay the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the deeps were divided” (Proverbs 3:19-20). God created this world with wisdom and God has given us this wisdom (1 Corinthians 2:13, James 1:5). Wisdom does not originate in the minds of people but is a gift from God. This conflicts with a secular materialist worldview and may well be at the heart of disagreements when talking with friends. Lennox points out that God has brought physical and spiritual light into the world through creation and through Jesus (p102ff). We are called to put our trust in and follow the light. Acknowledging our place in the world as part of creation and our dependence on God’s wisdom will radically change the way we interpret the world. By far my favourite quote is one by C.S. Lewis that Lennox quotes (p103) “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

Chapter 4- Human beings: A special creation?

2012-01-17T08:01:00.001+11:00

When I read books like these I am always reminded of my very sketchy understanding of contemporary theories on early humans and evolution. Getting into chapter 4 I have felt my understanding of the science inadequate and so have found myself on the internet reading about the “rise of modern humans”. However, with so little background knowledge I am unsure of what is generally agreed upon and what is controversial within the scientific community (although the pages that involve our “extra-terrestrial ancestors” are slightly more identifiable).

If you have found yourself in a similar position I found this student module from the Washington State University helpful. It also has links to the Smithsonian Museum Human Origins Program. http://www.public.wsu.edu/gened/learn-modules/top_longfor/lfopen-index.html

This website is also an example of the need for this book. It is littered with assumptions about science and common “tales” of historical interactions between the church and science. The author constantly comments on how confident we can be about these theories because of evidence that is incomplete at best.

As I read chapter 4 the phrase “jumping to conclusions” came to mind. We know we have some embarrassingly large percentage of DNA in common with fruit flies but as Lennox points out this does not mean we are the same or equally important– life isn’t just chemistry. “Humans are nothing but animals” is an extension of the theory of evolution beyond biology into “philosophical extrapolations and deductions from it” (p69). People are making observations and constructing theories, but then applying these theories to areas well outside the realms of science, making assumptions based on their worldview. I believe this is what lies at the heart of the conflict. In speaking with some people evolution is not so much a scientific theory as a worldview. It shapes the way they make sense of the world and their place in it (often unconsciously). Consequently questioning evolution is not peer review but an attack on their identity. They are highly sceptical of other views (notably Christianity) and when presented with reasonable reasons to question conclusions or evidence or to consider alternatives they are unable to be objective. Their attachment to evolution is deeply personal.

In talking to friends it is perhaps more productive to understand their worldview and help them to question it rather than attacking it by arguing over the validity of various research. For the example of humans being just animals we can show them how they do not treat people the same way as they treat animals. Only in The Lion King is a lion accused of murder. But we all hold humans responsible for their actions. By getting to the point of questioning their worldview our friends will be ready to consider evidence for the alternatives. Our friends need to see that regardless of the mechanism we are wonderfully, beautifully made in the image of God. Unique in creation, but sinful and needing salvation.

Chapter 3- But is it old? The days of creation.

2012-01-14T12:54:00.000+11:00

One thing I have appreciated about Lennox’s approach to this topic is that he is a science advocate. What I mean is that he acknowledges that science is a legitimate way of investigating the world and data collected and conclusions and interpretations made by scientists shouldn’t be just dismissed. Of course there is a place for scrutiny, peer review and humility to be ready to change our thinking and theories when the need arises. The “fixed-earth” verses “moving earth” debate of the 17th century is a good reminder of this (Chapter 1). Lennox is not trying to avoid the science and the questions it raises but instead he engages with it. As he puts it, “the major thrust of my argument so far, then, is that there is a way of understanding Genesis 1 that does not compromise the authority and primacy of scripture and that, at the same time, takes into account our increased knowledge of the universe”. This is a relief for me because I cannot ignore the findings of science, but I also take the Bible seriously.

Which brings us to the first of the two main questions he deals with: what is the age of the earth? However, this chapter is more about showing how you can be faithful to Genesis 1 and hold an old-earth view. I am a speed reader. I don’t generally look at the details. Descriptions are wasted on me. Give me fast-paced action and dialogue and I am a happy woman. I think that I have glossed over the details of Genesis 1 for years. But this book has made me stop and look. Really look at what Genesis 1 is and is not saying. Because the heart of the argument for a young-earth (approximately 6000 years) is the view that an old-earth (4.5 billion years) is unbiblical, Lennox’s main concern is showing that a close reading of Genesis 1 actually allows for a broader interpretation of the timing of creation. In fact this chapter seems to collect a range of reasons why six 24 hour days of creation is only one of several ways of interpreting the Genesis 1 passage. And it is not the only way to read it faithfully.

As an example of this (and something that has really struck me by Lennox’s analysis) is that the days of Genesis 1 immediately follow the acts of creation, at least in the text. This is something I have never thought about before. I suppose I have always thought that “and there was evening, and there was morning- the _____ day” was more of a summary of the preceding paragraph. However, if you were reading it carefully you could come to the conclusion that creation didn’t occur on a day but there were days that marked the different stages of creation and creation occurred for some unspecified length of time in between these days.

I’m still in the process of reflecting on Lennox’s ideas, to some degree it feels like a “fudge factor” to keep everyone happy. But he has some helpful points.

Introduction: why should you read this book?

2012-01-03T20:27:00.001+11:00

Let us ask some big questions… How old is the earth? How long is a day? Why aren’t humans just another animal? Was Adam the first Homo sapiens? If so, where do Neanderthals fit in? Did the universe have a beginning? How do I reconcile evolution with Genesis 1 and 2? Were lions vegetarians before the fall?

Seven Days that Divide the World deals with some real controversies- those topics that I try to steer away from in conversations. Not because I don’t believe that there are answers, but because in talking to both Christians and to those who don’t believe I have learnt that my thoughts may not be well received and I don’t feel adequately prepared.

Nevertheless, the questions are good ones that don’t always have straightforward answers. They are good questions because for some no serious consideration of the gospel will be attempted until they are answered. They are also good questions because by studying creation we can learn more about our amazing Creator.

So how to give the sometimes extremely detailed explanation for why a scientific theory is compatible to Christianity in less than a minute? Unfortunately this book will not help you here, but it will challenge you to think through some of life’s big questions and investigate the main schools of thought on each topic. It has forced me to think about what I actually believe on a couple of issues that I have thus far avoided making a decision on (see week 3 of this blog series).

I suspect that the readers of this book will be divided as there is little consensus within the Christian community on some of these issues and Lennox gives his opinion. But he does it with grace and presents his reasons clearly and biblically (I found myself opening the bible to re-read Genesis 1 and 2 more than I expected to). This book seeks to carefully study the Genesis account of creation afresh and investigate its point of contact with modern science.

Introducing our new contributor

2012-01-01T21:08:00.000+11:00

Katie James is a Science teacher in South West Sydney. Her favourite things to think and talk about are Science and Christianity. She believes that the Scriptures are God-breathed. She also believes that Science can genuinely offer new knowledge about the universe. As a result of these combined interests she is regularly involved in conversations about where Science and Christianity meet (an occupational hazard).

She says that over the years she has been challenged and humbled in her thinking on both topics, and that she has changed her views in big and small ways, as she has both better understood scientific theories and God's word, “I like to challenge people's assumptions about both Science and Christianity and it frustrates and saddens me when I see or hear people claiming things about Science or Christianity that is wrong. I am especially sad when people put their faith in Science and use this as an excuse to ignore God and avoid seriously considering the gospel message.”

This month Katie will be taking us through John C. Lennox’s Seven Days That Divide the World: The Beginning According to Genesis and Science.

Feasting in heaven

2011-12-19T18:12:00.000+11:00

Last week’s chapter of Prodigal God enveloped us in thoughts of the incredible eternal home we all long for. To help us think more about this, I thought i’d actually start with a quote from the end of last week’s chapter.

p104 “Jesus, unlike the founder of any other major faith, holds out hope for ordinary human life. Our future is not an ethereal, impersonal form of consciousness. We will not float through the air, but rather will eat, embrace, sing, laugh, and dance in the kingdom of God, in degrees of power, glory, and joy that we can’t at present imagine.”

What an amazing home that is. I can’t wait until that day when we will look upon our Saviour’s face, and live eternally with him in glory. What joy, what magnificence, what delight!! It is good and right to long for that great feast with the Father. And as we think more on it, on our eternal home, and as we ponder the treasure we have been saved for, it is also right that our lives here on mortal ground are changed.

In this last chapter, Keller suggests four ways (each with similarities to a feast) in which salvation changes our lives now.

1. Experientially
We have such riches in the mercy of god. Such forgiveness and such a depth of love, that it is often hard to grasp. We have access to the Father, through the Spirit, because of Jesus’ sacrifice. And what a wonderful thing that is! Yet there are certainly times when we forget how wonderful it is. When trouble hits, or sadness comes, we can lose that sense of delight. Despite this, it is important to remember that these feelings in no way lessen the truth that in Christ, we are united with the Father through the Spirit. We are just as much forgiven, saved and adopted in those times, as in the good. However, God did make us with emotions and feelings. He made us to richly experience his love. And so we can greatly and deeply experience salvation in this way. We just need to be careful that this isn’t the indicator we use to know whether or not we have been accepted into salvation by God.

2. Materially
Material does matter. God made us to work his creation and look after it, and that is still our job. As Keller so clearly puts it, “the ultimate purpose of Jesus is not only individual salvation and pardon for sins but also the renewal of this world, the end of disease, poverty, injustice, violence, suffering and death” (p110). What it means for each of us to live in light of this day to day will of course look different from person to person. But it does mean that no one has an excuse to stop caring about the environment, the world, and conditions of people in the world. The gospel of Jesus means salvation and forgiveness for many, but also necessitates a care for each individual human, a care for the environment, and a desire to see change. Of course these things will never truly be fixed until Jesus returns, but is exactly his return which should motivate us to seek change where change is needed.

3. Salvation individually
We must personally continue to chew on, swallow and consume the gospel. I really liked Keller’s expression as he said we need to “deliberately, repeatedly set [your heart] to gospel-mode” (p115). Without the gospel, without God’s word we cannot keep on growing and maturing as heaven-looking followers of Christ. We must keep feeding on the Bible!
This is such a constant rebuke to me. I know just how valuable and important dwelling on the Word of god each day is. And yet I constantly find it way to easy to let days slip past without having nourished my soul on God’s word. I need to keep feeding myself with it to be able to function! We would very quickly see something wrong with a person close to us who stopped eating for a week or two, so how do we let ourselves and those around us stop feeding on the everlasting food? Please if you are reading this, please keep watch on yourself and those around you to make sure you are not spiritually starving yourself! I will do so myself also. This is a promise to you readers out there. For the next month (just to give myself a starting goal), no matter where I am or what I’m doing for the day, I am going to set my alarm 20 minutes earlier than necessary, and sit down and read the bible. It really isn’t that hard. If you find this difficult at times too, do it with me! Let’s keep reading the bible, putting it where it should be in our lives... at the very centre.

4. Salvation communally
We can’t do this alone! We need to keep encouraging those Christians around us, and meeting with others to be encouraged by them as well. This is so important, and will so help us keep our eyes fixed heavenward, striving with priorities in line with our eternal home. As a bible study leader at my church, can I just say how important this is in bible studies! I find it so encouraging when the people in our bible study come regularly, being excited to meet to read the bible, and to encourage each other, even just by being there. Just in the same way, it is quite discouraging when people in our bible study regularly don’t come. It’s the same for your church meeting really. Keep going! It will be much harder to walk on in the Lord without shared fellowship.

While thinking through all these things, it really has been a joy to be reminded of the home to come, of the feast awaiting us with the Father. By way of conclusion, here’s one final excerpt.
“Jesus tells us that both the sensual way of the younger brother and the ethical way of the elder brother are spiritual dead ends. He also shows us there is another way: through him. And to enter that way and to live a life based on his salvation will bring us finally to the ultimate party and feast at the end of history”. p132

May our lives continually be changed by him. May we never forget the great love and mercy poured out on us by our truly Prodigal God.

Longing for home

2011-12-06T16:50:00.000+11:00

Have you ever been instantly transported back to a childhood memory of home by a sound, or smell or taste? I am often amazed at how quickly a forgotten memory can resurface very vividly in the face of a familiar smell or taste!

I was born in Switzerland, and lived there until I was about 5 and a half. I’ve been back a couple of times to visit close family friends there. Each time I go, there are very definite smells, often quite simple ones, which remind me of ‘home’, all those years ago. The smell of the next-door neighbour’s house (and cat!), or the smell of chestnuts being roasted in the streets and hot cheese pies sold by vendors. As I write this now and think of them, I can almost remember and sense the smell right here in my lounge room; over 10000 miles (16000kms for those who care) away!

Those memories, the sights, sounds and smells, can remind us of ‘home’ very easily can’t they. And often, they make us quite nostalgic about where home once was. While all my family are here in Australia now, I often wonder what it would be like to go and live in Switzerland again. Would it feel like home?

Keller strikes a soft spot as he discusses our longing for home in the second last chapter of ‘Prodigal God’.

In this chapter, Keller likens us all to the younger brother in our exile. He likens the story of humanity in the bible, to the story of the younger brother. All men, since Adam, have turned from God, and fled from home with Him. The story of the bible is a story of exile, of searching for a lost home. We see that a lot in the Old Testament, don’t we. Even when a ‘home’ seems to be found, it is never the same. When the Israelites finally reach the Promised Land, or when God allows Solomon to build a temple where God will dwell with man, both of these moments seem full of promise. Yet neither of them provided God’s people with anything like the real ‘home’ of the Garden of Eden.

In the same way, Keller explains that we too are still wandering and searching for home. We are like the younger brother, who has fled from the father, and lives far away from him. We are exiles away from home, as we live away from God. Our home is only in heaven with him!
However, there is one key difference between the parable and the story of our salvation that Keller hasn’t touched on. That’s in the way we come home.

Here again, I want to be careful that we aren’t pushing the parable too far in the effort to liken it to the story of the whole bible. You see, in the parable, the younger son realises that he has done wrong, and that he would be better off working for his father. He decides to turn around and go home of his own accord. This is not at all the picture the bible presents of us in our relationship with God. In the depths of our sinfulness, we cannot even realise that we need God. We are incapable of seeing our need of saving. We cannot turn around on our own and make our way back to God’s house. It is only as god sends his Holy Spirit to us, and only as He convicts us of our sinfulness, that He brings us back to himself, rescues us, pays the price, forgives, and welcomes us back home with him.

Depsite this, it is good to remember our heavenly citizenship, and what it means to live away from home here and now. Next week we’ll think about that a bit more as we come to read the last chapter of Keller’s ‘Prodigal God’.

Pushing the parable too far?

2011-11-28T23:38:00.000+11:00

So far, I hope you’ve been as refreshed by reading The Prodigal God as I have. I’ve been encouraged by Keller’s new perspective and illumination on the parable of the ‘prodigal son’ from Luke’s gospel. I’ve never really thought that hard about what part the older brother plays in the parable, or why Jesus even included him in the parable. But now, as I read through this book, I have been reminded afresh of God’s unending love and offer of forgiveness, seen in the younger brother. And I’ve been rebuked and challenged seeing the hardened and self-righteous heart of the elder brother. I’ve appreciated the way Keller has delved so deeply into this parable.

Yet my worry in this next chapter (The True Elder Brother) is that Keller is pushing this parable a bit too far.

Bear with me for a second on this one, because throughout this chapter, I think Keller makes some really good points. While comparing Jesus to what the elder brother should have been like, he draws out some really important and wonderful aspects of what Jesus did for our forgiveness. Jesus sought us out. He came to find us when we were lost, and when we had no hope of finding him. We can only be forgiven when Jesus comes to us, when the Holy Spirit makes us see our need for a saviour, and when the father offers us forgiveness. What a fantastic and humbling truth this is!

But not only that, Jesus seeks us out to offer us forgiveness; a forgiveness which has cost him greatly! As Keller so clearly explains, forgiveness cannot come without a cost to the one offering it. And what a cost Jesus pays.

Despite these points, I’m not fully convinced of Keller’s whole argument. I’m not entirely sure that this parable leads us in the first place to a ‘true’ elder brother who does these things. I want to let the bible speak for itself, and a few times Keller has made arguments based on things I just don’t think are in the text. For example, the passage gives us no information whatsoever that the elder brother should have gone out to look for the younger son. The parable never tells us that.

I also think that it’s quite a jump to compare these two brothers with the story of Cain and Abel. I don’t think Jesus has given us enough hints to point to a common thread between his parable, and the story of the brothers in Genesis. I just wonder if Keller is reading a bit more into the parable than Jesus first intended.

But have you been convinced of his argument? Do you think Jesus really is the fulfilment of the elder brother role in this parable?

'Elder-brother lostness'

2011-11-23T17:30:00.000+11:00

“...In this parable Jesus wants us to discern another, more subtle, but no less devastating form of lostness...We will call it ‘Elder-brother lostness’. It brings as much misery and strife into the world as the other kind. A closer look at the elder brother helps us discern its features.” (p49)

This fourth chapter of Keller’s Prodigal God gives us a much closer view of the sin of ‘elder brother types’ from the parable of Luke 15. While the elder brother in the parable is indeed lost, and not a part of God’s kingdom, Keller warns us Christians against the ‘elder-brother spirit’ as well. And to be honest, I was really challenged by this chapter. I was challenged by some of the actions and attitudes of the elder-brother spirit because I can see echoes of this in me, and in other Christians I know. And that’s a little scary.

1. One of the characteristics of the elder brother type, is a joyless obedience.
Because the elder brother in the parable works for the father for his own merit and reward, there is no real delight in obedience. p58 “The elder brother shows that his obedience to his father is nothing but duty all the way down. There is no joy or love, no reward in just seeing his father pleased.”
“Slavish, joyless drudgery”.

Sometimes, sadly, the longer we serve God at our church and in our homes, and the more time and energy we put into serving God, the more obedience can feel like joyless drudgery. I think I can say I’ve been guilty of this. There have been times at church when I have served and continued in my roles, merely out of duty, rather than out of a desire to love and serve God. For me, sometimes it’s been because of tiredness, or because of a lack of noticeable growth in the people I’ve been serving. And to be really honest, sometimes it’s because I just don’t feel like doing it.

If I feel this, I think I really need to take a hard look at my heart, and at my motives. Am I acting like the elder brother? Am I slipping into an attitude where I selfishly obey for a reward only? What if serving at church has begun to feel like mundane arduous work. Are there times when serving God is just like that for us (especially when we’re tired), or is there really no excuse? Are we instead robbing ourselves of the love of God at that moment? Are we forgetting our loving Father and slipping into the attitude of the older brother? The lost older brother without salvation!

I think we need to be really careful about this. If we have truly grasped God’s love for us in his Son, if we have really understood His great mercy in wiping out our debt to him, then surely nothing should be able to take away our love in obedience, the joy in our service. Not tiredness, not the mundane nature of tasks, not even my stilted perspective of the growth of those around me. We need to keep praising God for who he is and what he’s done. Let’s keep realigning our vision to the glories of our saviour. This alone will help us serve and live like the apostle Paul demands, “Rejoice in the Lord always! I will say it again: Rejoice!” (Phil 4:4).

2. “Elder brothers are under great pressure to appear, even to themselves, happy and content.” (p62)

The lack of joy and love in the elder brother’s heart leads to a false mask of happiness and contentment in their lives. It is sad that this elder brother type has to put on a veneer, has to convince him or herself that they are happy in their ‘duty’. Unfortunately, I think even as Christians, we can see this in ourselves. We don’t want others to see that we’re not going so great. As hard as it is to admit, I think that’s often because we don’t want to be seen as ‘lesser’ than those around us, somehow less holy because of our struggles. The self-centredness of the older brother mentality means we don’t want others to see our brokenness. Yet we forget we’re all broken! We’ve all needed forgiveness. In the honesty of admitting mistakes, we find joy in God’s love and forgiveness, and we find honest and great joy in those who still walk beside us, even though they know the great depths of our brokenness.

Can I encourage you to pray? Let’s pray that we would be bold enough to be honest. To be honest about the great times and the hard times as we serve our living King. Pray that we can extend our hands in support of those who struggle beside us. And pray that everyday, as we love and serve our master, we would find our joy and delight in him.

The shocking gospel of grace

2011-11-15T07:13:00.000+11:00

In Chapter two of “The Prodigal God”, Keller helps us think through the story of the younger and older lost sons more deeply.

The younger son certainly does make a bold request. And yet the father willingly grants it! What a devastating loss it would have been for the father to give up his property and wealth for his son. It is helpful that Keller points out the greek word for ‘property’. It literally means life! I don’t have any children, but look forward to the day I do. However, I can only imagine the knife that would go through my heart if a son of mine (let’s hope this never happens!) boldly walked up to me and asked for his share of my savings and the house... I wouldn’t know how to react. I know I certainly wouldn’t agree to his request!

At least this younger son realises his mistake, once he’s squandered all the money. He even comes up with a plausible plan. He could work as his father’s servant to pay off his debt. And yet, after all that, does it not make us wonder even more at the depth of the father’s love; that he should freely and willingly take this lost son back. No questions asked, no bargaining together, no conditions for his acceptance back into the family. The father opens his arms to him. And he doesn’t just give him his room back and say “there you go”. He puts his best robe on him, throws him a huge party, and restores him to his previous family standing.

As you ponder this parable for the third, or maybe the three hundred and third time, I hope the depth of God’s love for you and the forgiveness he gives still amaze you. Don’t let that become old news. The parables surrounding this story in Luke chapter 15 (the parable of the lost coin and the parable of the lost sheep) give us an even bigger picture of god’s love and forgiveness. They shout to us of how precious the lost are to God, and how wonderful it is when they are brought back to him. Our great God freely loves, and freely forgives. As Keller says so well, “God’s love and forgiveness can pardon and restore any and every kind of sin or wrongdoing. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’ve done... There is no evil that the father’s love cannot pardon and cover, there is no sin that is a match for his grace.” p24

The response of the older brother, then, becomes so much more shocking in light of the father’s response to his younger son. And yet in the older son’s attitude and actions, we realise he is just as lost as the first son. The older son is only concerned for his own reward, and for his own justice. The older brother demands what he sees as his rights from the father; benefits and a share in his father’s wealth almost as a payment for his strict obedience. While the father offers the older son love and an invitation to join the party, we a left without a final response from this brother.

I love the fresh look we get at sin in chapter three. [1]

By understanding these two sons more fully, Keller shows us how to more fully understand sin.
While Keller looks at the example of both sons, I’m just going to think about the example of the older brother, as I think that is slightly less well-chartered territory.

Keller shows that the older brother in this parable is representing the Pharisees and their strict observance of the law. And this parable says something striking. As Keller says, ‘the lover of prostitutes is saved but the man of moral rectitude is lost.’p34.

The elder brother’s sinfulness is in his obedience; because his obedience is moralistic and dutiful. It is obedience without heart. The barrier between the older brother and the father is this son’s pride in his moral record. He expects reward and wants it on his own terms.
As Keller says towards the end of the chapter, ‘Sin is not just breaking the rules, it is putting yourself in the place of God as Saviour, Lord and Judge, just as each son sought to displace the authority of the father in his own life’ p43.

I think this has implications for both Christians and non-Christians.

Maybe this way of thinking is how your non-Christian friend thinks about God. If they’re just good enough, enough of the time, God will let them into his great feast, won’t he? Maybe if they work hard at keeping the laws of the land, respecting people, and praying every now and then to God, he’ll be happy with their ‘righteous’ life and accept them into his kingdom.

Well we need to keep exposing the amazing and shocking gospel of grace to those around us who think this way. Only then will they see there is nothing they can do to be good enough for god and be accepted by him.

I wonder how often we as Christians slip into thinking like this older brother about our ‘righteous’ lives. We forget we’re already saved, but instead think that because we’ve perhaps suffered a little as Christians, or because we’ve remained faithful and served God for many years, we deserve to be accepted by God. We might even slip into thinking we’ll be ok on judgement day because we’re doing so well at following Jesus. Not actually because of what Jesus did! We look down at those ‘sinners’ around us, and congratulate ourselves for being so holy.

In essence, like the Pharisees, those of us thinking this way have totally lost perspective of ourselves, and of God. We have forgotten grace, and are instead trying to work for our own salvation. This is completely the opposite of what God wants! Though we try to make ourselves morally upright, we know that cannot happen. We cannot ever make ourselves morally good enough to be worthy of any reward. Our ‘righteousness’ will just never be ‘right’ enough.

Let us instead cling to God’s grace. Let us, unlike the older brother, remember that we are in need of this grace. Let us not think of what we can do, but instead, of what Christ has done.

The author of one of my favourite hymns says it better than I ever could.

Not the labours of my hands
can fulfill your law's demands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
you must save, and you alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to your cross I cling;
naked, come to you for dress;
helpless, look to you for grace;
stained by sin to you I cry;
wash me, Saviour, or I die.
Augustus M. Toplady 1776

[1] That might not have come out the way I meant it! I’m not enthusiastic about sin, just glad of a chance to understand sin and our own sinfulness better with Keller’s help.

New light on a much loved parable?

2011-11-08T02:50:00.000+11:00

I wonder if your experience is anything like my friend Sophie’s. In the past few years, Sophie has been discovering new truths about life. For the past 21 years, Sophie has grown up with sayings and names for things that her family used. Only now as a 21 year-old are her friends telling her that they are not in fact the common names or common sayings! So she’s learnt that instead of saying ‘daylight-saving-frolics’ she says ‘daylight savings’ and instead of ‘clicker’, she says ‘remote control’. What she thought was true for her whole life has to be modified. She is understanding things in a whole new light!

As we come to read Tim Keller’s Prodigal God, this may become our experience.

Tim Keller bases this book on the much read and loved parable from Luke 15:11-32, The Parable of the Prodigal Son (as it’s often called). Right from the introduction, Keller sets out to show that this parable has been quite misunderstood in the past, and really needs to be understood in a whole new light. He tells us it is a story of God’s reckless grace, our greatest hope.

“Over the years, I have often returned to teach and counsel from the parable. I have seen more people encouraged, enlightened, and helped by this passage, when I explain the true meaning of it, than by any other text.” Page xiii

What a big claim! Well it’s time to look again at this parable, in all truth and humility, and see what new light Keller may shed on it for us.

Chapter One.
Chapter one straight away introduces us to Keller’s understanding of the brothers; two different ways to be alienated from God and then seek his acceptance. He provides for us the context of the parable and highlights that the two groups of people Jesus is talking to represents the two different sons. The ‘tax collectors and sinners’ who are attracted to Jesus are like the younger son, and the Pharisees and teachers of the law are like the older son. There really is such a great contrast between these two. But to whom was Jesus actually directing this parable?

Keller says the second group. The Pharisees and the teachers of the law. Keller argues that it is in fact in response to the attitude of this group of people that Jesus tells the parable. Jesus tells this story because of the Pharisees’ cold and stubborn hearts towards the ‘sinners,’ and their indignation at Jesus because of his acceptance of them.

“It is a mistake, then, to think that Jesus tells this story primarily to assure younger brothers of his unconditional love. No, the original listeners were not melted into tears by this story but rather they were thunderstruck, offended and infuriated.”

Already I’m finding my understanding of the parable being refreshed. I have (I assume like many others) thought of the younger son as the primary focus of the text. But it makes sense that Jesus is using this parable to show the ‘moral insiders’ just how blind and self-righteous they really are – to the detriment of their own lives and those around them.

However, I do wonder if the parable can’t be directed at both groups of people? With such an emphasis on the Pharisees and the lesson they should learn from the older brother, do we lose out on the lesson learnt from the amazing grace and love shown to the younger brother? Can’t this be just as much an offensive rebuke to the Pharisees, as an offering of grace to the ‘sinners’?

Either way, it is worth looking more closely at the place of the Pharisees and tax collectors in this parable, and how much their attitudes are reflected in our own church circles.

Introducing Stephanie Toose

2011-11-04T06:06:00.001+11:00

I grew up in the sunny suburb of Berowra, a beautiful suburb. Part of living there meant arguing vehemently for its inclusion in Sydney with any who thought otherwise!

I grew up in a Christian family, which is one of God’s greatest gifts to me. I can’t remember a time where I haven’t known Jesus as my Saviour and Lord.

At the moment, I’m just coming to the end of my 2nd year of MTS (a ministry apprenticeship) at St Paul’s Carlingford. It’s been so wonderful to be part of the ministry there, and I’ve been really encouraged seeing God work through the people I get minister to. I’ll be going to Bible College next year and can’t wait to get stuck into studying the bible there.

I’m recently married (only four months ago!) to Hamish and what a joy it is. I love the adventure we’ve begun, figuring each other out more and more, and figuring out how we can best serve God together. It’s a life long journey.

Apart from those things, I love going for walks, love being outside in the bush, near water, or reading books on the grass. I can now say that I’m officially addicted to coffee (though have been in denial for years now). At least it’s out in the open now.

I also love challenging my ideas and thoughts. I delight in chewing over parts of the bible, and weighing up the truth of what others say about it. So I’m really looking forward to reading through Tim Keller’s Prodigal God. No matter what you think of Keller, he has some interesting things to say. I’m looking forward to being challenged by his ideas, and learning more about our great God through his book.

Prodigal God

2011-11-04T06:06:00.000+11:00

Coming up in November, is 'Prodigal God' by Tim Keller.

Tim Keller is the Senior Pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York.
http://www.redeemer.com/

You can watch him a great talk on 'The Gospel and Idolatry' by him here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOHdk3FR5Hg

Reconnection

2011-11-02T17:17:00.000+11:00

In Chapters 8 and 9 of Safe Haven Marriage, the process of working towards reconnection after there has been an emotional disconnection is explored.

The Blame Cycle
A very important part of developing reconnection after it’s been lost is recognising the need to let go of the blame cycle in arguments. I think all of us have at some point in our marriages, while in the throes of an argument, been determined to work out who is really responsible; something like you’re 75% responsible for this mess and I’m only 25% responsible. It feels good at the time but only escalates the argument. We can become determined to uncover who is really at fault rather than finding out about each other’s feelings, which in the end is what will foster reconnection. If you are reviewing a past fight to allocate responsibility to the wrong party it’s unlikely that you will gain a deeper understanding of your mate’s inner experience. Instead refuse to debate the events and details and work towards empathising with each other’s position. John Gottman’s long term work with married couples has shown that the issues that were a problem at the beginning of a marriage often remain issues for the entirety of the marriage; sound all too depressing? What he has found is that while the issues may not change or go away it is how we learn to listen and react to each other that can change and so then in a sense this can have an impact on the issue. In a nutshell, Arch and Susan are saying, stop trying to solve the issue and start listening to how each other is feeling if you really want change.

Clarification Communication
This is where clarification communication is so helpful. Let’s say for example sake your husband makes the remark; “Your cooking is just like your Mum’s.” Upon hearing this statement your blood immediately boils and you want to explode at him with some kind of defensive remark as you have assumed an attack has taken place and the fight is on. Alternatively you could see this as an information gathering exercise and ask the question; “Can you tell me what you meant by that statement as I don’t think I really understand?” Similarly when hot issues arise you can practice, “speaker /listener techniques” where you and your spouse take turns at speaking while the other listens. Before the listener has a turn to speak they are required to reflect what the speaker said ensuring that you are working towards understanding each other’s perspective as a couple. Some couples will have a carpet square or a special object that they hold while involved in this process to show that something important is happening. This is a good practice as it trains both partners in a relationship to learn to listen to each other before they have their say. Ultimately this encourages reconnection. Next time you feel the tension rising give it a go and see what happens.

Attachment Injuries
Some hurts in a marriage just won’t go away. Why is this the case? It’s most likely that they are attachment injuries involving abandonment. God has made us for deep attachment and emotional connection and marriage is the context where we expect attentiveness, responsiveness and supportiveness to occur. When this doesn’t happen deep wounds can form. These injuries are often repeated hence they form deep wounds in our attachment. They may occur when we are not there for each other at significant times, publically ridiculing each other, when we fail to defend each other publically when criticised, when we return from a weekend away and everyone is too busy to notice. I’m sure you can think of your own specific examples when you are aware that damage has taken place to your attachment.
Forgiveness is an essential part of the way forward in these situations; however additional restorative work will need to take place.

Step 1-Share your hurt
The wounded spouse needs to take the risk and share their story of hurt

Step 2-Understand the significance of the hurt
Attempt to walk in the shoes of your spouse for a moment to understand their perspective

Step 3-Express your emotions
The wounded spouse needs to express their emotions from a place of vulnerability, not anger and the wounding spouse needs to acknowledge this pain and hurt.

Step 4-Share how the event evolved
Describe what you did and why you did it so your spouse can see your heart and intentions.

Step 5-Understand the wounder’s perspective
Similarly the spouse who was wounded needs to work at understanding why the wounder acted and spoke as they did.

Step 6-Take responsibility
The wounder needs to take responsibility for their part in the hurt of their spouse.

Step 7-Ask for comfort and reassurance
The wounded spouse needs to reach out and ask for the comfort and reassurance that they need.

Step 8-Be available to your spouse
The one who caused the injury needs to work towards responding to their spouse in a caring manner so that a new bonding experience can take place and bring healing.

Our God is a God of restoration as demonstrated through His gracious work in the cross and as we negotiate these steps of restoration, we can in our limited human way reflect His character in rebuilding broken bonds and a safe haven can be created for a marriage where there has been significant injury. This is the hope and beauty of restoration work that can take place in our marriages while we remain here on Earth.

How to predict divorce?

2011-10-26T16:29:00.000+11:00

Chapters 6 and 7 in part two of Safe Haven Marriage, explore emotional disconnection and marital emotions further. It is in fact the lack of emotional connection and how strong emotions are handled in a marriage that can be a threat to its ongoing safety.

John Gottman, humanist PhD psychologist, claims to be able to predict with 90% accuracy whether or not a couple will divorce in the following years within minutes of them arriving in his therapy rooms.

How does he do this? Well it’s all based on what he has termed “The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse”. Sound familiar? He probably thought he was being very natty when he coined that phrase, sorry John but we’ve kind of heard that term before. Anyway naturally these four horsemen of the apocalypse wreak havoc on a marriage, (just like the ones in the bible wreak havoc on the Earth) and when a marriage displays these behaviours consistently it’s time to find some professional help. They are:

1. Criticism
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

Criticism -no marriage can withstand constant criticism. Criticism is different to making a complaint. A complaint may be something like; “Could you please not leave your wet towel on my side of the bed?” However a criticism will be loaded with shame and attack, something more like; “You always leave your wet towel on my side of the bed, your hopeless you’ll never change, you’re just like your father!” Sounds very different and has a very different impact on the receiver. In the case of the second response it’s highly likely that long term resentments have gathered and trust has been betrayed. These feelings will need to be dealt with constructively for trust and safety to be restored.

Contempt -like criticism takes it a step further and aims the arrow of attack right into the person’s sense of self-respect. Contempt usually builds up over time after many failed attempts to resolve an issue. Contempt usually takes one if not all of the following forms:

• Name calling and insults
• Hostile or sarcastic humour
• Mockery
• Negative body language such as eye rolling or sneering.

Defensiveness -it’s natural to put up protective barriers when one is being attacked however it drives a deeper wedge in the relationship as it discourages connection and draws couples further apart.

Stonewalling - happens when one spouse withdraws from the other and stops responding. They stop criticising or defending and withdraw behind an impenetrable wall. Unfortunately this tends to send the message to the other spouse that I no longer care and is very dangerous.

What most often follows these behaviours is a withdraw and pursue cycle; one spouse will withdraw to limit the pain and the other sensing a shut down in the connection will pursue to maintain the connection. The other sensing they are being chased will withdraw further and naturally panic will set in for the other partner and they chase harder. Hence a dance takes place where sadly no connection is achieved. Only as we come to understand the role of our emotions in this marital dance that we can begin to make the required changes.

Emotions
Many confused sentiments have been vocalised by Christians over the decades as to the role of emotions, exposing a rather polarised view of them. Some favour jettisoning them altogether as unreliable while others idolise them. I personally am encouraged by the words of 1 Timothy 4:4 that tell us that everything that God has created is good and so presumably emotions do not fall outside of the scope of this statement. Just like sex is God’s good gift to married couples and money is a blessing from God, emotions too are good, it is in our fallen human brokenness that we mishandle them as we do sex and money. Does this mean that we should do away with sex and money? Not at all! Instead as Christians we need to honour our emotions and set the example to the world by responding healthily to them. We need to struggle to manage them in a constructive manner, neither avoiding them nor elevating them.

Emotions communicate five significant truths to us that we will do well to listen to:

1. They alert us to needs - when I feel sad it’s likely I have lost something of value.

2. They direct our thoughts -we may ponder our sadness and struggle to make sense of it bringing us to new understandings.

3. They give value to our thoughts -I fought with my closest friend and I now believe I am useless at making friends. This value may need to be challenged.

4. They prompt us to respond - to attempt to repair a broken relationship.

5. They prompt others to respond -as my spouse sees my downcast face they may respond by drawing near to me and asking if I am okay.

Emotions can either be primary or secondary. What does this mean?
A primary emotion is our real emotion in a situation and is most likely to be fear or sadness. However in the middle of an argument to protect ourself we are unlikely to express our primary emotions but instead express our secondary emotions which are really cover up or protective emotions to shield us from pain. To give you an example let’s say my spouse has agreed to join me at a particular function that has been in the diary for months. When the day arrives they communicate that they will be unable to attend as they have something else they need to do. I could respond from my secondary emotion; the place of anger and express myself using a number of the four horseman of the apocalypse; “You’re never there for me, you’re hopeless, you prefer to be there for others rather than me!” Naturally my spouse will respond defensively and an argument will follow. However I could have chosen to speak from the more vulnerable place of the primary emotion and say something like; “I feel scared that I don’t matter to you and that you don’t love me anymore. I feel sad that something has gone wrong with us.”

Expressing our primary emotions does not guarantee a good outcome but certainly increases the chances of our spouse being able to respond to us more positively. Since we are coming from a more vulnerable place, this invites our spouse to respond to our call for help in a more nurturing and protective manner. With practice we can be trained to do this more regularly rather than jumping into our secondary emotion of anger and defensiveness. As a result a better outcome is more likely as we draw our spouse to connect with us rather than push them away with our harshness.

We explored this concept in our Safe Haven Marriage group and encouraged each other to give it a go at home. With prayer and reading through the pertinent chapters in the book may I encourage you to speak from a place of openness and vulnerability next time you feel an argument coming on? Speak from your fear and sadness rather than your anger. You may just manage to avoid an argument and have a deep conversation that draws your hearts to each other and builds your emotional connection, something in the end that we all really want and is good for our marriages.

Attachment with our mate

2011-10-18T16:15:00.000+11:00

During my years of study while training for future work in counselling, we looked at attachment theory and it very quickly became one of my favourite theories as it just makes so much sense. So I really enjoyed rereading Chapters 4 and 5 from Safe Haven Marriage as they are all about how we attach and form human bonds.

John Bowlby formed Attachment theory back in the 1950’s. He was interested in the deep connections between a parent and child and later his understandings were applied to the marriage relationship. He likened the attachment system to a thermostat, in that we all regulate the amount of intimacy we share with our mate by keeping distance and closeness at a comfortable level. The attachment system will be triggered into action when we:
1. Experience emotional disconnection
2. Want to help our partner see the emotional disconnection
3. Want to encourage our partner to respond to us in a caring manner

God made us for relationship and deep intimate relationship, so one of our most fundamental human needs is to be and feel loved. When we sense that this is threatened and some type of abandonment is about to take place, certain learned behaviours; some helpful and some not so helpful, will kick in for our survival. You may recognise yourself here but don’t worry so do I! Some of us may scream, nag, criticise, rage, panic, pout, sulk, defend, withdraw, cry or cling to establish reconnection. While others who have learned from their childhood that help was accessible are more able to express their sadness, cry, ask for the attention they need and generally communicate their negative experience in a safe way.

There are four styles of attachment; secure, avoidant, ambivalent and disorganised.
1. Secure attachment is experienced when a child is confident in the care of his parents. When separated or hurt he is distressed but on return he is comforted by them and they are generally reassuring and encouraging allowing him to return to activities quickly.

2. Avoidant attachment is experienced when a child has learnt over time not to trust his parents for a sensitive response when he is separated or hurt. They will generally shut down the child’s cries of distress with shame and so over time displays of emotion are avoided and independence is encouraged. This leaves the child with a sense of insecurity; “It’s not okay to feel what I feel.”

3. Ambivalent attachment is experienced when a child similarly has learnt not to trust his parents for a sensitive response when separated or hurt. They increase their attempts to attract their parent’s attention often using anger as they are deeply frustrated. The parents are inconsistent in their responses but usually only attentive when the volume has been greatly increased leaving the child feeling insecure; asking “How do I get your attention?”

4. Disorganised attachment is often experienced by children who have been abused and is typified by both avoidant and ambivalent attachment.

When we marry we carry these early childhood experiences into our marriage relationship. Having learnt from our early relationships that we are loved or unlovable we will either trust or not trust our spouse respectively. If we grew up in a family where we generally felt that Mum and Dad were there for us then we trust that help is accessible and we believe that the intentions of our spouse are good. When we have not had the privilege of growing up in a house hold where our needs for attention were so carefully met we often go through life asking the constant question, “Am I lovable or will you be there for me when I need you?” Or depending on our attachment style we may deny our need for close relationship and become self reliant guarding against any future rejection.

One can only begin to imagine the impact of such behaviours upon a marriage. We can as men and women come into marriage with an over-riding sense that we can never relax as we will never be loved enough. As a result we can become people pleasers afraid to assert our opinion, focused on high achieving or try and convince ourselves that we don’t need the very love that we so desperately long for. Ultimately no human can ever fill such deep desires to be loved and accepted, only God in His perfect restorative and redemptive love can. However we don’t have to remain stuck in a particular attachment style for the rest of our lives, it can be changed.

In our Safe Haven Marriage group we decided after reading these chapters to identify our attachment style and talk it through in the group. While on one hand that was a very vulnerable activity to engage in, it was also very normalising as most of us realised that we didn’t come from a secure attachment position and we began to wonder if this creature of secure attachment was in fact extinct. One member was brave enough to confess that they had in fact grown up in a secure environment and I think the rest of us were all very envious and secretly coveted their experience; how dare they?! In the safety of the group we shared some of the issues that we as couples had experienced as a result of our anxieties and insecurities about being loved.

As we talked we realised that after twenty years of marriage or more our partners had all in one way or another had a positive or corrective impact upon us. Repeated experiences of proving available, safe or trustworthy had altered our attachment style in some way. This is not to say that we weren’t aware of how we had negatively impacted each other over the years but it was very reassuring to know that through the grace of God, our childhood experience, if lacking, can be transformed by a committed spouse. Thanks be to God!

Fostering emotional safety in marriage

2011-10-13T17:14:00.000+11:00

If you’re anything like me, every time I read a book on marriage I come away feeling slightly depressed, guilty and overwhelmed as I realize all of my failings as a wife. The pages of the book only serve to remind me of all the good things I could have done and for some reason or another didn’t! I hate that feeling and it tends to build an aversion to reading books on marriage, not good! While nothing on earth is perfect “Safe Haven Marriage” has a different approach. It addresses the underlying cause of most marriage problems; poor emotional connectivity and it does this with clear, commonsense and manageable exercises. So may I encourage you to read on?

If you had the chance to read last week’s introduction you’ll know that my husband and I were part of a Safe Haven Marriage group. One of the things we loved about Safe Haven Marriage is that co-authors Archibald Hart and Sharon Hart Morris; a father and daughter duo; while both Christian psychologists, write in a very conversational down to earth manner. Sharon specializes in EFT or emotionally focused therapy and works through an attachment theory lens. In a nutshell, attachment theory is concerned with how well we trust and build bonds with others; something we learn in our early childhood from our primary caregivers. What all this means is that couples are encouraged to contact their feelings and find constructive and safe ways of expressing them so as to draw closer to their spouse and build deeper and safer connections with each other; a very good thing to do.

The safe haven idea arises out of the metaphor for a boat that has passed out beyond the heads where the waves surge and can be rough, threatening damage to the boat. Once the boat returns to the bay the waters are more serene and manageable, hence there is safety. Our marriages are likened to this sea-faring reality; out in the world we face many challenges as men and women. When we return home we long for our partners to be a place of safety and comfort for us where we can be understood, known and accepted, for who we really are, we all long for a “safe haven” for our hearts. Unfortunately, our marriages can at times be all too much like being out at sea beyond the headlands where the waves are unpredictable and dangerous and we feel unsafe.

If you’re a wife, then you, like me, have no doubt failed, let down, hurt and disappointed your husband many times over the course of your marriage, it’s normal and unavoidable as broken and sinful people. Maybe you even fight regularly. Yet strangely enough according to long term marital researcher John Gottman, fighting is not the number one indicator of a marriage in trouble; however not fighting is! Did you expect that? When a couple fights they are actually attempting to make a connection with their mate, albeit a bad one. So a marriage in crisis will actually be typified by emotional disconnection and withdrawal. If this is sounding like your marriage and right now you have a knot in the pit of your stomach then as tempting as it is don’t despair. Arch and Sharon have seen many marriages like this in their practices over the years and hence have written this book to help couples rebuild their emotional connection if they sense they have lost it or are losing it and the good news is; it is possible to rebuild emotional connectivity after it’s declined. Not saying it’s going to be easy but it can through prayer and some hard work be achieved. The chapters are full of practical suggestions that are not overwhelming. And despite all the research of the likes of John Gottman, as followers of Christ we have some great advantages; the grace of God and prayer.

We can damage the emotional connectivity we have with our spouses in many ways but some of the most common ones which you might recognize are; the busyness of life, past unresolved conflicts and not being there for each other when you’re needed. On the other hand a safe haven marriage would be hallmarked by; trustworthiness, emotional availability and sensitive responsiveness.

In my own 23 year long marriage I can look back and see ups and downs in our emotional connectivity. I can see the times when the busyness and day to day stressors of life have kept my husband and I from being there for each other and how easy it can be to drift apart but I can also see the times when we have been available for each other during the difficult times and how that has strengthened the trust and bonds between us. Going through the questions and exercises at the end of each chapter has been a great exercise to do as part of a group together. Being with four other couples normalized the behaviors that we all felt ashamed of and didn’t want to mention out loud. I thought this even more significant for the men. As women we are more inclined to speak out our emotions and do so more regularly with each other. However the men rarely have this opportunity. Being in a group of couples allowed and encouraged both the men and women to speak and afforded the men a time to find their voices and speak out what they were feeling more than they usually would. I can’t remember that last time I saw a bunch of guys sitting around talking about their marriages openly but in a safe haven marriage group that happens. I can’t recommend it enough to you.

Introducing Lindy Hadges

2011-10-09T21:58:00.001+11:00

Hi everyone my name is Lindy. I am married to Nick and we have five very beautiful children, thinking more on the inside but the outside too!! We live in the south of Sydney and have been in full time ministry for ten years now, so really we’re only newbies and have much to learn. My husband has run youth group at our church over that time and teaches scripture in the local high schools during the week. I spend a large portion of my time homeschooling our children and working in my own counseling business. There is nothing that I find more rewarding than teaching God’s word to women and watching them grow in their understanding and love of their maker. This year has been a year of really experiencing God’s grace at a new depth for me as I face again the depths of my own depravity before God, not a nice experience but a blessed one in the end. How desperately we need Him!

Last year Nick and I were part of a marriage group with four other couples that met up once a month. We read a chapter of Safe Haven Marriage each month and then would join together over a meal to discuss some questions and our marriages. I was personally very interested in the concepts in Safe Haven Marriage as it uses an emotionally focused approach to marriage difficulties which is the same modality that I have been trained in for my profession. Our time together as a group was one of openness, honesty and vulnerability that grew over the course of the year. We all enjoyed it so much that we decided to continue on this year with a different book. At times it wasn’t easy as we would talk about the weaknesses and failures in our marriages but it was very normalizing and encouraging to share with other Christian couples who had all been married longer than 20 years and are aware of what struggles can arise after decades of marriage. During that time we grew some deep friendships and developed some places of trust. It has been a great experience and if you are married, may I encourage you to start a similar group where ever you are.

Introducing 'Safe Haven Marriage'

2011-10-09T21:57:00.000+11:00

Over October, we will be reading a book by US Christian Pyschologist Dr Arch Hart and his daughter Sharon Morris.

You can read about Arch: www.fuller.edu/academics/faculty/archibald-hart.aspx
and watch him on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frz-2zLdzbI

This book is very helpful for married women, but we hope unmarried women will also gain insights about marriage and how to encourage and support their married friends.

Restoration and Reconciliation through the Gospel of Grace

2011-09-25T19:30:00.000+10:00

My husband Dave was a young minister, fresh from college and confronted with a middle aged divorced woman in our parish openly pursing a relationship with a non-Christian man. It was the talk of our small country town for all the wrong reasons. He knew what he had to do but was unsure about how it was all going to end. How would she respond? What would the members of our small church think if she left? But what damage was being done to the name of Jesus if we did nothing? So with much prayer and fear, he arranged to speak with her and gently talked to her about the mercy that we have been shown through Jesus and how He wants us to live lives worthy of him. To our surprise, I am ashamed to report, our friend was so convicted of her sin, she repented of her actions and recommitted her life to the Lord. She went on to marry a beautiful Christian man, go to bible college and serve overseas! What a privilege it is always to act as God’s servants but sometimes, we are witnesses to His particular grace-we were that day.

Part 3 of Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker, methodically and practically deals with the process of talking to others about their role in a conflict. This principle of peacemaking is called “Gently Restore” and is based on Matthew 18:15-20 where Jesus sets out what to do if our Christian brother or sister is caught in sin but before we look at the process outlined in this passage, we need to ask “When is it right for us to intervene?” As we have already seen, it is first important to count the cost of a conflict. Sande says we intervene when someone’s sin is likely to bring dishonour to God, when their offense is damaging our relationship with them, when their actions are causing significant harm to us or others or seriously harming the offender.

So the steps outlined in Matthew 18:15-20 to gently restore a brother or sister, can be summarized as follows:

1. Go and show your brother his fault, just between the two of you in private (v15)
2. If he will not listen, take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. (v16) The key to this step is to keep the people involved to a minimum.
3. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.(v17a) Sande interprets this to mean to tell a church leader, not to make a public church announcement!
4. If he refuses to listen even to a church leader, treat him as an unbeliever. (v17b) Although this seems severe, Sande explains that the purpose in Jesus’ instruction here is to help the offender understand the seriousness of their sin which hopefully causes them to repent and be restored. This may mean withdrawing church membership privileges but unless they are disrupting the church, they should be welcomed at church like any unbeliever would.

Thankfully most of us are likely to be involved more often in steps 1 and 2 and Sande provides some wise advice for preparing for such a conversation. I have particularly found it helpful to write down what I want to say, to focus on what we agree on and define clearly what we disagree on. By preparing in this way, I am more likely to be an un-anxious presence in the conversation, less likely to say unhelpful things and will be able to listen better.

Our goal in restoring is reconciliation and the ideal outcome of any conflicted situation, is repentance followed by forgiveness and reconciliation. Sande’s fourth principle of peacemaking is “Go and be reconciled” but this unfortunately is not always what happens. Without repentance there can’t be reconciliation but we can make a commitment to God to forgive the person who has offended us. Sande’s discussion of forgiveness in this situation is frank but rings true from my experience. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision; it is not forgetting, but a conscious choice not to remember and it is not excusing as if it doesn’t matter. Forgiveness is an event and for Sande consists of four promises that we need to make to ourselves:

1. I will not dwell on this incident
2. I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you
3. I will not talk to others about this
4. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship

What a difference it would make in our relationships if we could forgive like this and yet, is it not just how God has forgiven us? (Ps 103:10-12) And if we refuse to forgive in this way are we not like the unmerciful servant who takes God’s forgiveness for granted while withholding forgiveness from others. Sande reminds us of the story of Corrie ten Boom and how trivial are the petty hurts the God mostly calls us to forgive, in comparison.

Ultimately, only God can change people’s hearts and bring about repentance and reconciliation and our responsibility is to honour him in the way we behave and speak. But what a huge difference we can make as we breathe grace into the situations of conflict we find ourselves and follow the godly and practical principles set out in this book.

Time for eye surgery?

2011-09-18T21:57:00.000+10:00

In his book “The Peacemaker”, Ken Sande identifies 4 principles for resolving conflict. This week we are looking at Principle 2 which is “Get the log out of your eye”. This greatly overlooked passage from Mathew 7:5 highlights the fact that to be a peacemaker, we need to deal honestly with our contribution to a conflict. How often we are keen to skip over this step in conflict resolution and move to helping others see their contribution to a conflicted situation, without reviewing our own.

Sande frames 4 easy questions to ask of yourself when considering your contribution to a conflict. Let’s look at them in turn:

1. Is this really worth fighting for? Trained as a lawyer, it is hard for me to imagine any situation that is not worth fighting for! But, in many places the bible recommends that the best way to resolve a conflict is simply to overlook the personal offenses of others. Paul says “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph 4:32) Give it a go-I’ve found it very liberating.

2. What is the real cost of this conflict? In Matthew 5:25 Jesus says to settle disputes as quickly as possible. The rest of the verse explains that a prolonged dispute can be more costly than we think and money is not the only expense. Counting the cost of time, energy, emotional and spiritual exhaustion as well as broken relationships can help us have a clearer perspective on whether a conflict is worth pursuing.

3. What about rights? The worldly insistence that all rights must be protected has complicated this issue. Unfortunately some people resist overlooking offenses and settling disputes because of their rights but not all rights are biblical and maybe God wants you in a particular situation to give up your right for the benefit of another. Certainly, God wants us to show mercy as we have been shown mercy by Him.

4. Have I allowed a desire to turn into a sinful demand? Much conflict stems from unmet desires in our hearts. Even good desires can control us and lead to ungodly behaviour if we insist on those desires being met. Tim Keller calls those desires, turned sinful demands, “idols” and left unchecked, can lead to bitterness, resentment and self pity that can destroy family, business and church. Getting the log out of our eye may involve recognizing desires that have turned into idols and repenting of sinful attitudes. As we replace idol worship with worship of the true God, we receive God’s forgiveness and the grace to face it’s power in our lives and the conflict it causes.

I think I found this principle of peacemaking the most personally challenging and firmly believe that many conflicts would be resolved if we took seriously this instruction to get the log out of our eye. We wouldn’t need Sande’s other two principles of peacemaking if we allowed the gospel of Jesus to strip away our pride and defensiveness and repented of our reckless tongue, our grumbling, our controlling, our gossiping, our sinful desires, our broken word and………you finish the list.

Glorifying God through conflict

2011-09-14T18:28:00.000+10:00

Is it possible to glorify God through conflict?

Ken Sande’s premise in The Peacemaker, is that Christians, being reconciled to God by the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, are called to respond to conflict in a way that is very different from the way the world deals with conflict. From that belief, comes the Peacemakers Pledge which commits to responding to conflict according to four principles (all helpfully beginning with “G”)
1. Glorify God
2. Get the log out of your eye
3. Gently restore
4. Go and be reconciled

This week we will consider the first of these principles so I ask you: Do you believe it is possible to glorify God through conflict?

I don’t know about you, but in a situation where I am mistreated or opposed, my instinctive reaction is to justify my behavior and do what I can to get my own way but this certainly doesn’t glorify God. According to Sande, it is possible to glorify God in conflict by focusing on God’s goodness, rather than on ourselves. This is the key to resolving conflict constructively and glorifying God in the process. As we remember God’s mercy towards us in Jesus, we can approach conflict with a new attitude.

How do you respond to conflict?
Are you an avoider of conflict (Sande calls you a “peacefaker”). Maybe because you believe conflict in the church is wrong and should be avoided at all cost or maybe conflict just scares you. Or do you love the opportunity to “take on” an issue or person (Sande calls you a “peacebreaker”). Maybe you are a defender of others rights or just like a good argument.

I have to admit that when I first read this book I was horrified to identify myself as a “peacebreaker”. But through this revelation and a broken relationship with my son and sister, God began a work in me, which he continues to this day, to understand this sinful behaviour and to re-shape my response to conflict. God wants us to respond to conflict with peacemaking skills and the rest of the The Peacemaker, focuses on what these are.

There are many causes of conflict in our personal lives and in our churches: misunderstandings, differences in priorities and expectations, competition over limited resources and sinful attitudes so the sooner we adjust to the fact that conflict will occur in our lives and focus on how we are going to respond when it does happen, the better.

How can we glorify God in conflict?
We glorify God in conflict when we see conflict as an opportunity to serve others in love and to grow in Christlikeness. We cannot control the outcome of conflict because this depends often on the behaviour of others, but we can control our own response. We glorify God when, in response to God’s mercy and love to us in Jesus, we follow the example of Jesus and seek the good of others, relying on his guidance and strength (1 Corinthians 10:31-11:1)

God delights in us being instruments of peace in the midst of conflict (Romans 12:18) and by our actions in such situations we show others, that there really is a God.

Finally, Sande finishes each chapter of the book with some helpful questions to apply to a current conflict. What a challenge to think about what good God might bring out of a current conflict if we respond to it in a way that glorifies Him?

Meeting Kathy Thurston

2011-09-12T07:49:00.001+10:00

I have not long ago turned 50-what a sobering and re-orienting experience. Like all significant birthdays, it was a God given opportunity to re-assess my life. There is some regret about how little I have dealt with sin in my life and how little I still know about the Lord Jesus (I have been a Christian for 35 of those 50 years and in ministry with my husband for over 25 of those 50 years). There is thankfulness for the many blessings He has given me but the overwhelming emotion on turning 50 is the desire to make the rest of my life count for Jesus (and that was before I heard John Piper!)

Why am I telling you this, I hear you ask? Well, because my life at the moment is characterized by change-personal, family, work and church and when asked to tell you a bit about myself, there seem no easy boxes. After 24 years where my priority has been mothering, I find myself counting the days to when our youngest child leaves school and after 20 years of church planning in Sydney, we find ourselves settling into growing a church in the suburbs of Sydney that has a building! I am so looking forward to what God has in store for me for the next 50 years!

Let me admit right now that reading doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s what you do on holidays (in which case, I’ll be reading fiction with a mystery, perhaps McCall Smith in Botswana or Edinburgh) or when you drop into bed (in which case, it will be a Christian book from the list of books recommended by friends). Because of this, any Christian book needs to be practical, relevant and easy to read so it can keep me awake. Which brings me to the book I am reviewing for EQUIP Book Club this month. I was first introduced to Ken Sande’s “The Peace Maker” as a resource for Church Consultancy as part of the team for the Presbyterian Church in NSW and how I wished it had been written 10 years earlier, when we found ourselves in the middle of a church conflict. Since then, I have been able to apply it’s wisdom to personal relationships and church situations.

“The Peace Maker” is a summary of the peacemaking principles behind Sande’s Peacemakers Ministry. The ministry provides mediation in workplaces and churches throughout the world and training in peacemaking skills. Now the book provides those peacemaker principles for us to apply in our personal relationships as well as in more formal church settings.

In Sande’s words “peacemakers are people who breathe grace-they draw on the goodness and power of Jesus and then bring his love, mercy, forgiveness, strength and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life.”

Conflict is a fact of life so it is essential for Christians to work through a biblical attitude to conflict, learn some skills and commit ourselves to being God’s person in the situations of conflict that we find ourselves. This immensely practical, biblical and logical book can help us do that so I look forward to sharing some of it’s wisdom with you over the next month.

The Peace Maker

2011-09-12T07:49:00.000+10:00

Starting this week is our next book for September: 'The Peace Maker' by Ken Sande.

To meet the author, here's a short video clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QUwtqPvNeA

Francis Havegal: One-to-One Ministry-Extraordinaire!

2011-09-08T17:49:00.000+10:00

The last woman in Sharon James’ book is the energetic Frances Ridley Havegal. She was a hymn writer (like last week’s Anne Steele) in 19th century England. Frances excelled in one-to-one ministry! She loved to talk with people about Jesus and took every opportunity to share her faith and challenge others. Frances talked to strangers on holidays, her music students, her friends and family members. She was bold, sometimes uncomfortably confronting, but always motivated by love. She wrote and distributed evangelistic tracts, even giving one to a potential suitor! Like Anne Steele, she was more than content to remain unmarried and was thankful for the extra time and space this gave her. She was a great intellect, very talented at music, loved physical challenges and adventures, and desired to use all of her abilities for the Lord. In her later life, she received over 600 letters each week and used these opportunities to correspond about kingdom issues. Salvation for her friends and acquaintances was always foremost in her mind.

Of all the women in Sharon James’ book, she was by far the healthiest and had the most freedom. What an encouragement it is, that she used her health and freedom to glorify God!

Looking back ….
I’m so thankful for the stories of these four women in Sharon James’ book. Overall, I was struck by each woman’s contentment and joy, which were not dependent on good health, a fulfilling and well-paid career, or a happy family life. Their joy came from knowing God and trusting in the Lord Jesus, dedicating their whole being to serving Him all of their days. They visited the sick, evangelised friends and strangers, helped the poor, supported their husbands or other family members - and none of them ever earned a wage! This is a helpful example in modern times, when we fall into the trap of needing a pay-packet to feel like we’re doing something that’s truly useful or valuable to society.

I was also reminded that nothing really changes in terms of humanity’s temptations and sin. Given today’s obsession with gadgets, we need to be continually encouraged to lift our minds to lofty heights and contemplate eternity. Surprisingly, some of these women testified to that same temptation to revel in ‘empty toys’ and pointless distractions rather than meditation on God’s word. Piano recitals and novels were yesterday’s Facebook and reality TV-shows!

It was good to realise that the churches of previous centuries, just like ours, experienced ebbs and flows of growth and decline, as well as changing emphases on faithful perseverance versus feverish evangelistic efforts. This encourages me not to despair during times of slow growth or fluctuations in focus.

These women were truly inspirational: godly, wise, and persistent in their struggle with sin and their desire to be obedient to God and His Word. This book is very encouraging, but thankfully doesn’t lean towards deifying sinful women! The author illuminates some of their unhelpful tendencies and doesn’t whitewash their sin, so that I didn’t come away feeling guilty that I’m not a perfect Christian like these women. I finished the last page with a prayer that I would learn from each of them - these rescued, Spirit-filled women who by God’s grace knew Him intimately in life, shared in Christ’s suffering, and remained joyful and sacrificial to the end. I can’t wait to meet them in Glory!

Anne Steele: True Happiness

2011-09-01T17:00:00.000+10:00

What would it take for you to be happy? A New car? A husband? Plenty of money? 3 kids and a mortgage? No kids and no mortgage?

How about this?

The Westminster Confession (1640s) said the “the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever”.
John Piper said “the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying him forever” (note the nuance)
C.S. Lewis said “God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing.”
Anne Steele (18th century English hymn-writer) said
“The mind was formed to mount sublime,
Beyond the narrow bounds of time,
To everlasting things;
But earthly vapours cloud her sight,
And hang with cold oppressive weight
Upon her drooping wings."[1]

Christian joy!
This is Christian hedonism (a term coined by Piper in his 1986 book Desiring God) and Anne Steele understood this full well. Among her contemporaries were Jonathan Edwards (hubby of Sarah, who we discussed last week), and Jonathan himself spoke eloquently of this idea with these words,

“God created man for nothing else but happiness… for he created them that He might glorify Himself in this way, by making them blessed and communicate his goodness to them. [2]

It’s not a new idea that true joy comes from glorifying God. But it’s so hard to remember it, isn’t it? We will not be glad until we glorify God. No amount of chasing after comfort, pleasure, experience will provide true joy!

Anne Steele’s joy, contentment and peace came as she reflected on God’s grace, goodness and power. She lived in almost constant pain, being ill with malaria for most of her life. She became famous because of her prolific hymn writing and these hymns (which you have probably sung) testify to her great faith in God’s providence, sovereignty and mercy, shown especially in Christ. Many of her hymns and letters are recorded in Sharon James’ book, and they are wonderfully encouraging.

Joy in suffering
I was especially encouraged by Anne’s attitude to illness. She demonstrated that “even in suffering, a Christian can experience true happiness and contentment.” [3]

"Perhaps if our path were always smooth and easy and we met with no cold storms or distressing accidents we should be ready to sit down or at least loiter by the way, and be forgetful of our journey’s end” [4]

She exemplified a verse that my bible study looked at just this morning …
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”(2 Corinthians 1:4).

Anne saw her sufferings as an opportunity to sharpen her focus on heaven and she used her experiences to compose many hymns about suffering in the Christian life.

Joy in Singleness
The extracts of her written communication with her half-sister were a testimony to her love of singleness! She was more than content with her circumstances and felt that “… wives give up their freedom in one fatal day” She enjoyed the freedom that her singleness afforded her, freedom to express her gift of writing (in hymns and literature) in an age where married women would not have been able.

This attitude and her attitude to many other things, challenged me to be more content with my circumstances. She was content with what God had given her, not looking at the greener grass in someone else’s pasture!

Joy in Him
Surely this contentment came from knowing that her ‘chief end was to glorify God and enjoy Him forever’ and she was zealous that others know this also! She wrote to her niece one New Year’s Eve …

My Dear Polly,
… I wish for you, my dear, a happy Eternity! The only way to it is by the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, as you read in your Bible, ‘Whom to know is Life Eternal’. O that your mind may be early improved by divine Grace with a sense of your need of this almighty Saviour and that you may be enabled to believe in him and obey him …
Your truly affectionate aunt”[5]

Footnotes:
[1] Quoted by Sharon James, p.161
[2] The works of Jonathan Edwards, vol 14,ed. Kenneth P. Minkema (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press), 146
[3] James, p. 148
[4] Quoted in James, In Trouble and In Joy, p. 140.
[5] Quoted in James, In Trouble and in Joy, p. 164

Sarah Edwards - spending ourselves to bankruptcy?

2011-08-23T12:41:00.000+10:00

Yet another reason I like reading biographies is that they increase my thankfulness to God as I am exposed to others who live with much greater hardships, in different times and different countries. Such a person is the 17th Century Sarah Edwards, married to America’s foremost Revival preacher Jonathan Edwards.

Sarah Edwards – an inspiration
Out of all the women discussed in Sharon James’book, I identified most with Sarah Edwards, perhaps because her situation was closest to my own. She was a minister’s wife with 11 children (yes, 11!). Her support of her husband’s ministry was not just a sign of her love for Jonathan, for she regarded it as a service of God. She wrote of the sheer exhaustion of mothering and of often being tense and tired when her kids were young (I could totally relate to that!). I was challenged by her emphasis on meditating on God’s word, by her generous hospitality to many friends and strangers, and by her fervent prayers for her children to have eternal life. She handed everything over to God, even the health and life of her children. Her frequent house-guests testified to the happiness of the household and to her generosity in visiting the sick, poor and bereaved. She experienced war, the death of children, poverty and the rejection and dismissal of her husband from his parish - all this from a woman who had grown up with wealth and comfort!

The Legacy
Despite the trials, she willingly served and submitted to her husband, and saw him and his ministry as a gift to the church, wanting to free him up to write and preach so that many would be encouraged. By 1900, over 100 missionaries had come from the family that Sarah and Jonathan started, along with countless others who loved and served Jesus in many other ways.

A conundrum
An amazing woman … you would have to agree. But as I read about her poverty, her persecution, her pouring of herself out in the service of others, I asked myself … how much is too much? Would I have said ‘Enough is enough, Jonathan… I’m tired, you are ill... the kids aren’t coping … I’m sick of living like this …. “ ?

Spending ourselves … to bankruptcy?
I remember giving a talk on ‘Halving or Doubling your husband’s ministry’ and quite a lot of questions came from the floor along the following lines. “Am I halving my husband’s ministry… when I need his help in the middle of the night with a screaming baby? … when I have crippling depression?… when I ask him to miss Bible study because he’s been out 6 nights in a row? …. etc…etc) It is tricky to work out how much we should spend ourselves in the support of our husbands (if we have one) and ultimately in the service of Christ.

Spending ourselves … to glory!
I ask myself this question a lot … as I often feel almost at the brink of what I can cope with. To encourage myself, my self-talk revolves around the following ideas …
1. We all have different capacities, competencies and circumstances. I am loathe to admit that I often have ‘gifting envy’ as I look at Christian sisters who are able to fit so much more than me into a day! But I have to remember that they are wired differently to me and we are all unique and indispensible to the body. Our health (both physical and mental), skill-set and experience, personality of husband, children’s needs, extra-familial support, etcetc, all play a part in what we are able to cope with and how much we can take on in life.
2. God sees all that we do. He wants us to keep going … Hebrews 6:10-12 “God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised”
3. A godly, wise woman gave me this advice recently … to persevere with a difficult ministry until the point when you can no longer be godly in doing it! I thought that was very helpful – when my godliness becomes compromised, then maybe I should finish up that ministry.
4. Our relationships with God and our families must take centre stage in our life … anything else is an added bonus!
5. Nurturing our relationship with God must be our primary concern. By seeking first God’s Kingdom and His righteousness, everything falls into place – the Lord provides what we need (Matt 6) and our priorities come into line with Him.
6. Take Jesus Christ our Saviour as our example. He gave up his life for us, we need to lose our life in order to save it (Matt 10:38-39)

In short, we need to take a leaf out of Sarah’s book – spend ourselves as much as we are able, within our capacity, competencies, circumstances – spend ourselves to the point where we know it’s going to hurt, but knowing that Christ has gone before us, and knowing that God sees all that we do and that our reward is in heaven (Matt 5:12).

This answer isn’t really an answer at all – it’s not concrete nor conclusive, but simply a nudge to keep praying that we will have the energy and courage to continue to live our lives for the glory of Christ, knowing that “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Phil 4:13)

Margaret Baxter - godly, yet anxious

2011-08-16T11:25:00.000+10:00

Do you know why I like reading biographies? One of the reasons is that they remind me that people don’t change and God doesn’t change. People are always sinful and God is always faithful! The four women discussed in this month’s book In Trouble and In Joy reminded me of this. I identified with Sarah Edwards the most, but found all of the women to be an inspiration for different reasons.

Margaret Baxter
This week, we look at the 17th Century Puritan Margaret Baxter who married the much-older Richard, loving and respecting him through much persecution. Her story would make for a riveting film – glamorous privileged girl falls in love with poor, principled, older man and sacrifices luxury for persecution! The young Margaret was obsessed by clothing, socializing and romance. When she was thrown out of childhood home (no less than a castle!) her new humble surroundings provoked the rebellious Margaret to dress as splendidly as she possible could!

From Riches to Rags
But God had other ideas for Margaret and she fell for her inspiring pastor. They married after a long courtship, during which no doubt, they were weighing up the 24 year difference and their different backgrounds. She loved and encouraged Richard despite the fact that it severely changed her station in life: wealth and status in youth became persecution and poverty in her married life.

Margaret was a great ‘helper’ to her husband. We mustn’t underestimate the impact of Richard Baxter’s ministry – his preaching, writing, evangelising and pastoring have left an enormous legacy today. As his wife, she “was always there for him: comforting him, caring for him in his frequent illnesses, shouldering all of the practical concerns of life” (p35), and enabling his prolific writing. She consistently denied herself materially for the sake of his ministry and submitted to him in political and ecclesiastical decisions that had devastating consequences on the couple.

A great example to us!
Throughout their married lives, they seemed to be constantly moving house (including a stint in a local prison!). I was very challenged by Margaret’s response to this. There was not a hint of complaining or controlling - she managed to love people in whatever circumstance she found herself, generously serving those less fortunate than herself. Even Richard had to ask her to exercise some restrain in her generosity!

Godly, yet anxious!
Spiritually, Margaret was an inspiration. She epitomised the Puritan way of life – careful study and meditation of the Scriptures and prayerful and reflective examination of her spiritual state. She was devoted to evangelism, compassionate to the poor, joyful and thankful in disposition. But, she was also a perfectionist and her high standards caused her much anxiety.

Health-Anxiety: A struggle of Margaret’s … a struggle of mine!
She also suffered from health-anxiety and spent much of her life assuming and fearing grave illness. This is an area I have struggled with myself. God hasn’t promised that we will avoid suffering and yet, I need to remind myself that He gives me the grace to endure the suffering that does come my way. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day enough trouble of its own”. (Matt 6:34)

A dear friend reminded me that God doesn’t give us the strength, courage and grace to deal with all the different scenarios down the track, but simply the scenario you are in RIGHT NOW. So we don’t need to be anxious, but trusting. We don’t need to plan for all the contingencies and possibilities. We just need to endure this day and whatever it brings. I think this is a very common struggle for today’s woman. Partly, because we know too much from global news and internet diagnoses (cyber-chondria!) and partly because we know too many people and too many problems. It seems that every week I hear of someone who has discovered a grave illness (but are there actually more or do we just know more?) We have been commanded not to be anxious, we have been commanded not to worry about tomorrow – so when I am persistently anxious about my health or the health of my family – I am sinning! I need to confess and then trust! Not trust that everyone will be healthy, but trust that God will give me the grace I need to deal with whatever comes my way.

Introducing Emma Pfahlert

2011-08-10T22:26:00.000+10:00

Emma Pfahlert is our July contributor. She will be reviewing “In Trouble and In Joy: Four Women who lived for God” by Sharon James. We asked Emma some questions ...

Can you tell us a bit about yourself
I’ve been married to Ben for 18 years, a Christian for 20 years and am approaching 40 – yikes! Our four children bring us much joy and constantly show us up in their knowledge of everything from computers to flags of the world!! I have spent most of my life in Melbourne and miss it heaps, but Sydney is a much-loved second home. I spend my days leading a women’s bible study, doing housework, working alongside my husband Ben in the M.T.S. head office, helping at the kids’ schools, ministering to women in an informal capacity and ferrying kids to sport. And I love it all … (even the housework!)

Favourite books?
I love reading (both Christian and non-Christian) and my tastes are eclectic – crime (PD James), fantasy (Tolkien), whimsy (McCall-Smith), and my favourite at the moment – historical fiction (Rutherford).
I have to say that I’m currently going through a famine when it comes to reading Christian books. There have been times in my life when I’ve feasted, voraciously consuming book after book, month in month out. But this year, I’ve hardly read any! It’s hard to admit that, especially to an online book-club world! I’ve really missed it! I miss the encouragement of learning from wise, godly, men and women. So I’m looking forward to sharing that experience with you!

Why did you choose this book to review?
I am a big fan of Christian biographies. It’s bed-time reading, cup-of-tea-in-the-morning reading, toddler-playing-at-your-feet reading. They’re often easy-to-read (this one is!) and incredibly encouraging.
The thing that hits me when I read historical Christian biography is that people are people ... past, present and future, we’re all the same – same longings, temptations, joys, struggles and hopes. The only thing that divides is a calendar date (and iphones!).
Sharon James’ biography of 4 incredible Christian women is WORTH READING! It’s clearly set out, easy to read and has the characteristic Sharon James’ reformed-theological bent. She doesn’t just state the facts, she helps us by interpreting them and she doesn’t pull punches. The depiction of her subjects isn’t always positive, but it’s always encouraging! Grab a copy and join me each Monday in August as we are encouraged by the lives of Margaret Baxter, Sarah Edwards, Anne Steele and Frances Ridley Havergal.

“…encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Heb 3:13)

You Can Change #7: Christian Community

2011-08-06T12:28:00.000+10:00

Any savvy Sunday School kid knows that if you’re put on the spot and find yourself stuck for an answer, then saying “Jesus!” “God!” or “The Bible!” means you’re in with a chance.

So what’s the problem with this method? Even if they guessed right, there’s a good chance they don’t know why their answer was true. They don’t understand what Jesus did, or who God is, or why the Bible is so valuable. They can hide behind the correct answer, walk away with a fistful of stickers and lollies, and never be stretched in their knowledge and love of God.

Sometimes this is a grown up’s problem too. The questions may be different, and our rote answers a tad more sophisticated, but we are just as susceptible to pulling out the ‘old faithfuls’ without ever grasping the full picture.

If Tim Chester’s book, You Can Change, was just made up of chapters 7-10, we would have had a helpful ‘how to’ manual for dealing with sin. All the ‘old faithful’ answers are there- the Bible, prayer, community and service to name a few. And yet, like the Sunday School teacher who knows the child is bluffing, he has spent the previous 6 chapters laying the ground work so we will know why those tried and true practises are so helpful.

The premise of the book so far has been that:
• Change is God’s work. He has made us righteous by his Son, and is making us righteous by his Spirit.
• Sin reveals the real problems that exist in our hearts.
• We sin because we believe lies about God: but the truth will set us free.
• We sin because we desire idols more than we desire God: but God is bigger and better than our sinful desires.

Keeping those things in mind, I want to share with you how my understanding of just one strategy for change has been deepened.

Chester spends a whole chapter discussing the importance of Christian community. When I hear that phrase- ‘Christian community’- in the context of sin, two opposing images enter my mind. I picture a sparkling community, where people appear to be so godly that at best, others are encouraged to be like them, or at worst, they feel compelled to hide their sin. Or I picture an accountability group, where every week three people mull over their deepest darkest secrets and validate each other in their sin, rather than urging each other to change. These images are caricatured, but they do highlight the less than helpful ways we sometimes deal with each other’s sin. I know we are meant to help each other change (prize to me at Sunday School!) but clearly I’m not too sure how we do this.

Our church communities are to be places of truth, repentance and grace (chapter 9). We grow together not just by modelling Christ-like behaviour, but by modelling faith and repentance in our struggles with sin. That sparkling community of perfect people has no place in a church that is serious about change. We need to hate our sin more than we love our reputation. We need to stop posing as good people. Chester points out that while we don’t need to tell everybody, we do need to tell somebody. This isn’t a picture of that accountability group where everybody goes to feel better about their sin. No, confession creates the opportunity for the truth to be spoken.

Because sin reflects a lie about God, we need to respond to another’s confession by speaking the truth in love. We need to remind one another of the goodness, greatness, graciousness and glory of God. We do this through his word, as we ‘encourage, challenge, console, rebuke, counsel, exhort and comfort one another with the truth.’ (p. 170). We help them explore the lies and desires of their hearts, and urge them to repent. We don’t pretend that we are better than them; we show them that we too are people under grace.

The next time someone asks me how change is possible, I may call out the ‘old faithful’ answer of Christian community. But I will do so with a deeper understanding of how we help each other change.

Having reached the end of You Can Change, I know that there is still much to be done (see chapter 10!). Reading a book like this will not provide all the answers or bring about a magic cure for our struggles. Above all else it has given me a bigger view of sin’s deceitfulness and of God’s power to change me, if only I would let him. It has helped me to apply the truths I know in theory to the practical task of change.

You Can Change #6: Negative Emotions?

2011-07-30T21:03:00.000+10:00

Warning: long post ahead!

We’re five posts into You Can Change, with only one to go to wrap up the last few chapters. All that and so far I’ve neatly avoided the issue that, to me, was the most confusing and troubling aspect of the book. But now it’s time to tackle it head on, open a few cans of worms, ask a lot of questions, and not give any real answers!

It’s right there in the subtitle: “God’s transforming power for our sinful behaviour and negative emotions”.

I picked up this book knowing that I am susceptible to particular negative emotions that I readily classify as sinful. I expected to come across help for emotions such as anger, self-pity, pride, envy and impatience. I was eager for ideas about how to change my thoughts and feelings as well as my actions.

A twinge of discomfort first set in when I read the suggestions of behaviours or emotions we might like to change. Listed alongside the envy, greed and anger were depression and anxiety (p 25). ‘Hmmm’, I thought. ‘These are not emotions I would normally classify as sinful. Perhaps he’ll define what he means by ‘depression’ and ‘anxiety’ as the book progresses. Or perhaps he’s not claiming that they’re sinful, but that nonetheless there is help in these pages for those who live with them. I’ll wait for a definition before I get too worked up.’

Just so you know… I have never had depression or an anxiety disorder. I am in no way an expert on the topic. I have always been slightly unsure how to think about depression, and how to love and care for those who are depressed or anxious. While I have no doubt that Christian counsel and theological wisdom can help those who are depressed and anxious, I would generally consider the intervention of clinical psychologists and doctors to form a necessary foundation of treatment. I have no doubt that someone with depression (or any other medical condition for that matter) can act sinfully within that situation, but I would never say that depression itself was a sin. This was the mindset I brought to my reading of You Can Change.

So you can understand how unnerved I was to see ‘depression’ and ‘anxiety’ listed alongside other sinful emotions time and again (for example pages 68, 72, and 77). Scattered throughout the book are references to people overcoming ‘negative emotions’ that I think of as medical conditions. There is Bob Kauflin (page 51), who experienced ‘a three-year period of hopelessness in his life characterized by depression, panic attacks and itching.’ After receiving counsel from a pastor to rely less on himself and more on what Jesus has done, a light went on and ‘every time he felt anxious or hopeless, he would say to himself, ‘I am a hopeless person, but Jesus Christ died for hopeless people.’’ Then we hear of Lee (page 81) who eventually overcame his panic attacks through relying on catch-phrases such as ‘God is greater than your thoughts.’ and ‘Yesterday was a victory, today is another battle.’ The impression given is that the problems presented were purely spiritual and that addressing them as such was the (only?) appropriate way to beat them.

One thing I learnt during my years on my high-school debating team was the importance of definitions. Careful definitions set you up for a clear and convincing argument. Everyone is on the same page and so meaningful discussion can occur. Sloppy definitions lead to a debate where each team is arguing about different things and no-one ever addresses the other’s argument. I wonder if this is the problem between Chester and me, and the cause of my confusion.

Crucial definitional questions that Chester doesn’t answer with any sort of clarity are:

What is a negative emotion?
Based on the examples of negative emotions that Chester gives (such as depression, envy, anxiety, greed, anger, guilt, bitterness and pride), and in lieu of any solid definition, it seems that Chester thinks of negative emotions as “emotions that make you feel bad”.

Are all negative emotions sinful? Is depression sinful?
This is such an important question to answer. If negative emotions are always sinful, then Chester is telling us that depression and anxiety are always sinful. This would fly in the face of how I have been encouraged to think about these conditions.

At first glance, I wondered if Chester differentiates between negative and sinful emotions. If they are equivalent terms, then why not call the book ‘God’s transforming power over sinful behaviour and emotions’? Perhaps there is a nuance that allows a negative emotion to only sometimes be sinful. This idea is supported by Chester’s acknowledgement of righteous anger on page 74. If anger can be both sinful and righteous depending on the circumstance, does this leave room for depression to only sometimes be sinful?

Chester’s clearest statements about the sinfulness of negative emotions are on pages 81 and 82. The only problem is that they subtly contradict each other. At first Chester says, ‘We sin because we believe the lie that we are better off without God, that his rule is oppressive, that we will be free without him, that sin offers more than God. This is true of every sin and negative emotion [italics mine].’ Turning over the page he says, ‘This is a radical view of sin. It means many of our negative emotions are sinful because they’re symptoms of unbelief- the greatest sin and the root sin. Whenever we’re depressed or bitter, it’s because we believe God isn’t being good to us or that he’s not in control [italics mine].’

It is safe to say that Chester thinks negative emotions are sinful at least most of the time. Depression is consistently listed as a negative emotion, and it is specifically mentioned in the above quote as a sinful emotion. This plain reading of the text tells me that Chester believes depression is sinful.

What does Chester mean by the term ‘depression’?
Experts recognise depression as a complicated term. While most of us will have occasional low feelings, there is a big difference between this and what clinicians call ‘major’ or ‘clinical depression’. On top of this, there are a number of other forms of depressive illness. The situation is similar when it comes to anxiety.*

Chester never clarifies what he means by ‘depression’ or ‘anxiety’. He always uses the term without qualification, and does not offer any caveats about clinical illnesses as opposed to everyday low or anxious feelings. From this I have tentatively concluded that Chester believes all depression and anxiety to be sinful.

So where does this leave us?
Because I couldn’t pin down for certain what Chester’s view on depression and anxiety is, I found it very difficult to interact with his argument. Am I getting my knickers in a knot about nothing? Or is his view of and solution for depression and anxiety really as radical as it seems? After calming my urge to throw the entire book away, I did allow myself to be challenged by Chester’s argument. It would be a pity to apply so many qualifications to his argument that we water down its strength entirely.

The key areas that I have been challenged to consider are:
• Feelings of anxiety and depression can be sinful. When it comes to everyday feelings of depression and anxiety, it is important that we examine our thoughts and desires that have led us to feel this way. We cannot simply assume that feeling depressed or anxious is always excusable by our circumstances or biology.
• Even when someone has clinically diagnosed depression or an anxiety disorder, it is appropriate to remind them of the truth about God.

In the areas that I am unable to agree wholeheartedly with Chester, I would offer the following caveats:
• While Christians are able to offer help and guidance for those who are depressed, I would always advise that a depressed person consult either a medical practitioner or clinical psychologist. Chester never once recommends these avenues as being complementary to spiritual counsel.
• I could not recommend this book to a friend suffering from clinical depression. While it offers a necessary kick in the pants for those of us who occasionally give in to feelings of self-pity, I worry that it would just be kicking a genuinely depressed person when they are down.

I feel like I have said too much, and yet there is so much more to say. Did you react as strongly as me to the inclusion of depression and anxiety with sinful emotions? Does your own experience with depression or anxiety allow you to identify times when you really did need to respond with repentance and faith?

* Reference: www.beyondblue.org.au

You Can Change #5: Uncovering the Lies and Desires of Our Hearts

2011-07-27T19:17:00.000+10:00

“That’s a bit harsh!”

This was my refrain as I read through Chapters 5-6 of You Can Change. As Chester again takes truths that are neither new nor especially complicated to their logical end point, I find myself baulking at his big view of sin. This is not to say that he is wrong and I am right. Much more likely, this is exactly what I need to hear.

Chester doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to extreme statements about sin and its root causes. Let’s just look at one such statement from these chapters. How did you feel reading the following?

“We sin because we believe that we are better off without God, that his rule is oppressive, that we will be free without him, that sin offers more than God.”(p. 81)

In short, sin is a symptom of unbelief.

On one level, this is not a difficult statement to understand, but it sure can be hard to get your head around! How can I simultaneously be both a believer and an unbeliever? It sounds a bit harsh! If I’ve already confessed to faith in Christ, what more do I need to change? There were a couple of concepts in the chapter that helped me to make sense of it, and more importantly, to know what to do about it.

The idea that we often have confessional faith combined with functional disbelief was useful in understanding the process of sanctification. If we think back to the moment we first believed, we would say that our faith was largely ‘confessional’ in nature. As time goes by, what we do will reflect more of what we confess, until on the last day our actions will perfectly match the faith we confess to have in Christ. What a glorious thought!

Passages such as James 2:14-25 (“…In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead…”) make so much more sense when we’re ready to accept how closely related belief is to sin. In the past I would have said that of course when we believe in Christ we respond in thankfulness by our deeds. In other words, because we believe a particular thing, we choose to act in a particular way. But what if the connection is tighter than that? What if when we believe a particular thing, we have no choice but to act in a particular way? In this case, our actions become watertight proof of what we truly believe. It follows then, that if we want to work on sin, we need to focus not on our behaviour, but on our underlying beliefs.

The concept of reflecting on specific sins to work out what lies lurk beneath them was, to me, mind-blowing in its simplicity. Most likely this comes down to how little time I spend pondering my own sin. As shameful as this is, my usual pattern is to briefly confess sin in general terms, or to ask for prayer about a specific sin, but then neglect to think about it any further. If sin is a product of my beliefs, no wonder progress is so elusive when I so rarely think about it. Perhaps I don’t think much about my sin because I’ve never known what to think, except that I should stop. The four truths that Chester reminds us of- that God is great, that God is glorious, that God is good, and that God is gracious- form a helpful framework to start the thought process.

Chapter 5 ends on a note that I hope to carry with me for a long time:
“To say to temptation ‘I must not do this’ is legalism. To say ‘I need not do this because God is bigger and better’ is good news.” (p. 104) Funny how much less harsh- and more helpful- the second statement is! This might just be the beginning of genuine change.

You Can Change #4: I Struggle Because I Struggle

2011-07-22T14:58:00.000+10:00

Having looked at the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ of change, it’s time to get down to the ‘what’ in chapters 4 and following. This is where Chester urges us to examine our change projects- the behaviour or emotion you want to change- to discover the underlying mistaken beliefs and desires.

In chapter 4 we are called on to think about a particular sinful behaviour or emotion and to pin-point exactly when we are most susceptible to it. Chester suggests that this can help us to hone in on the deeper issues of the heart that manifest themselves in sin. This rings true for me. If I am prone to being judgmental, then it is not only when I pass judgment on someone that I am believing or desiring the wrong things. Surely I am always carrying those misconceptions around in my heart and mind. But it is in the moment that I act on them, when they come closest to the surface, that I am most likely to be able to identify them. This in turn creates the opportunity for correction.

While Chester has raised a helpful principle here in Chapter 4, I found the flow of his argument difficult to follow. I think this is because of his use of the word struggle. If we were having a conversation about sin, and I asked, “When do you struggle?” you would probably take this to mean, “Under what circumstances are you most likely to sin?” The word struggle is used in reference to sin. If my change project is to deal with lust, then I might say that I ‘struggle with lust’, or that ‘lust is my struggle’.

Of course, we do at times refer to struggles that are unrelated to sin. If a friend tells you that their family is struggling, you would deduce that they are dealing with some difficult circumstances. If I tell you that I am struggling financially, then you would know that money is tight for me. These struggles are unrelated to sin.

And finally, the confusion factor sky-rockets when it is a difficult circumstance that triggers our sin. I could, in effect, say that I am struggling (with sin) because I am struggling (with life). Phew.

This relationship between circumstances and sin is key to Chester’s argument. It is a good argument, which when understood properly will help us dredge the depths of our hearts to bring to light what festers there. But he muddies the waters and raises unnecessary questions by failing to explain what he means by struggle, and by using the word in different ways from one section to the next.

The title of the chapter, and indeed the introductory paragraph, suggest that our struggles are the sins we are prone to. It seems, however, that from then on Chester uses the word in reference to difficult circumstances, before finally reverting to his original usage in part 3. Here are some excerpts that have brought me to this conclusion:

1. God cares about our struggles [difficult circumstances] (p. 68)
"But God doesn’t just look on our struggles from a distance. He has rolled up his sleeves, come down, got stuck in, and experienced our struggles first-hand… Jesus knows what it is to be hungry, assaulted, rejected, tired, lonely, tempted, needy, opposed and busy… Jesus shared our struggles." ( p. 69)

2. God does something about our struggles [difficult circumstances] (p.70)
"First, he uses our struggles… It’s easy to believe that about the good things that happen to us. It’s not so easy to believe it about the bad things. But the Bible is clear that God uses suffering to make us like Jesus." (p. 71)

3. Our struggles [sinful behaviours and emotions] reveal our hearts (p. 72)
"If you see a bush with thorns, you know it’s not a fig tree. It has the DNA of a thorn bush and it’s this DNA that causes it to grows thorns rather than figs. It’s the same with people. Our sinful behaviour reflects the sin in our hearts. Every sinful action and negative emotion reveals a problem in our hearts." (p. 73-74)

It is a pity that semantics subtract from an important chapter that sets the framework for the chapters that follow. When confusion arises, it may be helpful to remember the flow of the argument:

Difficult circumstances
can trigger
sinful behaviour and emotions
which we can examine to
reveal our hearts

In a sense, both our difficult circumstances and our sinful behaviour can reveal our hearts. Our sinful behaviour does so directly, and our circumstances do so via the behaviours they trigger. It may therefore be legitimate to say that ‘our struggles reveal our hearts’, while maintaining some ambiguity as to the meaning of the word ‘struggles’.

You Can Change #3: The Profound in the Basic

2011-07-16T21:59:00.000+10:00

Do you ever watch Oprah? Yep, me too. One of her many catch-phrases is the “Aha moment”. An “Aha moment” happens when a profound moment of insight leads you to see things in a whole new light.

Chapters 2 and 3 of You Can Change contained some significant “Aha moments” for me. And I almost missed them. On first reading, I ploughed quickly through these “theoretical” chapters in an effort to get to the “meat” of the book; the bit where it tells you what to do.

I’m glad I went back for a closer look. The questions raised in these chapters, and indeed the answers that are offered, are not anything new for most Christians. Many of us would readily tick the box that says, ‘I am saved by Christ alone, through faith alone’, while trying to conquer sin under our own steam and for our own glory. We can take the most fundamental of truths for granted and forget to ponder their implications not just for our salvation, but for our sanctification (or transformation, as Chester likes to call it). We are quick to ‘move on’ from the basics, and in doing so, unwittingly make things harder for ourselves.

Often we don’t even know we’re doing it. I certainly didn’t. But as Chester pinpoints what are so often our real motives for change, and teases out the end point of such thinking, I find myself cut to the heart.

“Trying to impress God, others or ourselves puts us at the centre of our change project. It makes change all about my looking good. It is done for my glory.” (p. 29)

“When we try to prove ourselves by our good works, we’re saying, in effect, that the cross wasn’t enough.” (p. 32)

And as he identifies the ways I try to change, or the solutions I offer to others, I realise I am again relying on my own strength.

"It’s not just that trying to live by laws and disciplines is useless: it’s a backwards step. It’s a step back into slavery, which ends up undermining grace and hope.”(p. 49)

Ouch.

But then as he fleshes out what flows from truly grasping Christ’s death for us, it is like a soothing balm for the wound he has just inflicted. How much greater is what Christ can offer compared to what I can do for myself? If each and every sin we struggle with has already been pardoned, then the goal-posts have been moved. We are no longer fighting a losing battle every time we face temptation; after all, the battle has been won.

So why do we change? No longer are we in a desperate scramble to save ourselves or to keep up appearances. We change because we have been saved, and because we are growing into what we already are; a child of the Father, a bride of the Son, and the home of the Holy Spirit.

And how will we change? Not with self-imposed rules and discipline, but with repentance and faith. We can know that change is God’s work in us, and that through the Spirit, change is not only possible, but inevitable.

In the midst of all this came my two Aha moments:

1) Always ask “why”. I so often feel inadequate when someone comes to me struggling with a particular sin, because I never have anything concrete to offer them. I long to give them the answers to their problem and fool-proof strategies to avoid temptation. I can only imagine how much more profound and meaningful those conversations could be if I was slower to talk strategy and more willing to talk motives.

2) Do I really expect change? Or do I talk about change, while deep down believing that sin will always win out in the end? Do I surround myself with so many strategies and guidelines in my own efforts to conquer sin that I forget Christ’s achievement in conquering sin for me?

Perhaps my Aha moments are not that significant for you. Perhaps something else in these chapters has made you pause and see things in a new light. It’d be great to hear what has made you say “Aha!” How has being reminded of the ‘basics’ helped you think about your motives and methods for change in your change project?

You Can Change #2: Small Steps

2011-07-08T18:14:00.001+10:00

So, I’m to settle for nothing less than being like Jesus and reflecting the glory of God. That seems like a big ask to me. How am I meant to get my head around such a broad and lofty goal? Where on earth do I start?

I found Chester’s following comment immensely encouraging and helpful. He says:

“And what must we do to reflect God’s glory? Look on the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Most of us don’t live lives that are considered great by the world. For us, holiness consists not in heroic acts, but in a thousand small decisions. But God gives us the opportunity to fill the mundane and the ordinary with his glory.” (p. 24)

When I was a little girl, I was desperate to learn ballet. I longed to wear a tutu and do a pirouette; the hallmarks of a ballerina. Imagine my excitement when, after two years of tantrums, wishing, negotiating and begging, my parents signed me up at the local dance school. Imagine my disappointment when I realised that you don’t learn to pirouette until GRADE 4! That was FIVE years away! And there were no tutus in sight until at least then either.

Big goals require small steps. If I had attempted a pirouette in my first ballet class, I would have fallen flat on my face and hung up my tiny ballet shoes in despair. Before I could pirouette, I needed to learn balance, posture and technique in a range of simpler exercises. Take the time to lay those solid foundations and a pirouette will come easily (well, easier!).

And so it is with sin and holiness. Tell me to ‘be like Jesus and reflect the glory of God’, and I’m likely to fall flat on my face. But take it step by step- working on one sin after another, focusing on one fruit of the Spirit at a time- and in five years I’ll be further down the road to Christ-likeness than I ever imagined possible.

Tim Chester asks us to work on a ‘change project'. This means choosing just one behaviour, emotion (more on this in a later post) or virtue to focus on along the way. The first time I read through this book, I didn’t bother with the change project. “I’ll just take in the theory”, I thought, “and see where I end up.” Not surprisingly, I ended up exactly where I started. Don’t do that. Choose a change project (you can call it something else if the name makes you cringe). Because as we’ve seen, being like Jesus and reflecting the glory of God doesn’t just happen in one puff of holiness. It requires careful reflection and small, deliberate steps to chip away at so lofty a goal.

As we read through the book together, we’ll be asking some big questions about our change project, reminding ourselves of some big truths about God, and considering how we can help each other to overcome sin in a series of small steps.

So, it’s time to lock in that change project and read on.

You Can Change #1: Pessimist, Realist or Optimist?

2011-07-05T20:15:00.000+10:00

It is with pride that I call myself a realist. It is with a wry smile and a patient eye-roll that my husband calls me a pessimist. I fight back by labelling him an optimist- one of those starry eyed, rose coloured glasses people with only one foot in reality.

So where do you put yourself on the scale? Do you see the glass as half full or half empty? If you can’t work it out, think about the title of this month’s book… You Can Change. Your reaction to it might tell you which camp you fit in. Did you reach enthusiastically for the book, hopeful that in it you would find the answer to your struggle with sin? Or perhaps, like me, you groaned at the self-help sounding title, carefully checked the endorsements, and finally settled down to read it on the off-chance it would contain some wisdom about sin in the life of a Christian.

It is clear from chapter one that this is an optimistic book. We are challenged to believe that it is possible to change even our most persistent sinful behaviour and attitudes. What is also clear is that this is not a self-help book. Chester might be optimistic about change, but this is not a starry-eyed, rose coloured glasses type of optimism. This is not a book filled with empty platitudes about the power of positive thinking, will-power and self-improvement. Chester’s optimism in the face of sin is based firmly on the work of Christ in restoring us to the true image of God. As people who have seen the glory of God in the face of Jesus, we now reflect that glory as we’re transformed into his likeness.

It is here that I felt the sting of rebuke. It is one thing to be pessimistic about my ability to change, but surely the God who can forgive my sin can also change how I live. How could I doubt God’s ability to change me?

Yet along with the much needed rebuke came further questions. If one day we will ‘bear the likeness of the man from heaven’ (1 Cor 15:49), how much of that change can I expect to happen in the here and now? Do such enthusiastic claims need tempering with a good dose of realism this side of heaven? This is not a tension that Chester raises at this point, but it is one I felt the weight of.

I think it’s a Biblical tension. Reading through 1 John with a friend from church, we keep marvelling at the seemingly conflicting statements regarding Christians and sin. Chapter 2, verse 1 says ‘My dear children, I write this so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One.’ And 3:9 takes it a step further. ‘No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God.’ Wow. On one hand, John exhorts his readers not to sin, explaining how a life of sin is incompatible with being born of God. And yet he has begun his argument with the reassurance that if we do sin, we can rely on Christ the Righteous One to speak in our defense.

Perhaps my mistake is not in recognising the tension, but in being pulled too far to one side of it. I focus so much on the inevitability of sin and on God’s ability to forgive that I stop thinking big when it comes to dealing with my own sin in the here and now. I either put it in the too hard basket, telling myself that I’ll never beat it in this lifetime, or I downplay its significance, concluding that it doesn’t really matter because I have Christ to stand for me. I forget the 'bigness' of sin in God's eyes.

Chapter one ends with an exhortation to think big. As we think about what aspects of ourselves we would like to change, Chester urges us: “Please don’t settle for anything less than being like Jesus and reflecting the glory of God.” (p. 24)

See, I told you it was optimistic!

Meeting Louise Keun

2011-07-04T19:26:00.000+10:00

Louise is our July contributor, and will be reviewing You Can Change by Tim Chester.

“I grew up in a noisy home as one of five siblings, and spent much of my childhood assuming I was a Christian. Afterall, wasn’t everybody? I then spent my high school years coming to grips with the truth of the gospel, finally making a decision to follow Jesus in year 11. Fifteen years on I can still find myself struggling with the same questions I found hard right at the beginning, but it is always the undeniable, inescapable facts of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection that keep me on track.

I trained and worked as a physiotherapist, am married to Dave, and now love being a mum to 3 little girls. We live in north-west Sydney where I am constantly encouraged by the women at church as they live for Christ in the joys, the hardships and the ordinariness of life.”

Bible Delight #3

2011-06-29T20:47:00.000+10:00

Two other sections of Bible Delight really caught my attention. They were Section 3: “Pressure and Promise” and Section 12: “The Word and the World”. Both these sections of the book speak about how Gods word interacts with us, as we interact with the world we live in.

In section 3, “Pressure and Promise”, Ash emphasises a fact that I often miss as I read the Bible. He emphasises the fact that the writer of Psalm 119 writes his song in the midst of a hostile world. The psalmist is surrounded by people who think he’s stupid for trusting God. He lives among people who treat him with scorn and contempt for what he believes. He doesn’t sing of his love for God’s word from an ivory tower, but rather from the nitty gritty of life’s messiness.

We live in that same world too. I’ve often made the mistake of thinking that people in the Bible kind of floated around wearing sandals and robes and lived in a world that was holier than ours, a world that was less “real” and less messy. Here as I read Psalm 119, and Ash’s helpful commentary I am reminded that this is far from the case. Like the psalmist, we are mere sojourners here, and like him we need to keep God’s word stored in our hearts as a safeguard against all the pressures we face.

As Ash concludes, “ The process is this: I am drawn by the grace of God to seek him and walk in the way of his word. The world begins to oppose me, to scorn me and to pot against me. And so as I read his word I pray with all my heart for God to open my eyes to understand it. For these words are my only reliable counsellors. And so the process of hostility is turned by God into a pressure that squeezes me closer to the God I seek” (p 56)

In Section 12 Ash looks at the interaction between God’s word and the world in a different way. He is now focusing on verse 89-96 of the psalm. He addresses a question that I think a lot of Christians have, but are often too scared to admit. Ash looks at the question; Does the Bible actually correspond to the world I live in? Is the Bible truly relevant to the world today? I must say I am sometimes tempted to wonder this myself. I look around at the world…governments around the world are making huge decisions without any reference to the Bible. People seem to live successful lives without giving the Bible a second thought. Sometimes we may be tempted to think the Bible doesn’t really gel with the world around us. Here, Psalm 119 steps in and indeed has something relevant to say.

Verse 89 of the psalm says “Your word O Lord is eternal, it stands firm in the heavens”. God’s word stands firm- it is firmly fixed and is the actual foundation of our world. The whole world is built on the word of God. As Ash says, when we walk the way of His Word, “we do not carve out for ourselves, as some little minority religious grouping, a social order of our own construction. No, we walk along the grain of the universe. And therefore we are safe.” (p 123)

God’s Word and the world I live in every day … As I read Bible Delight I am reminded that the Bible is written about those who walk in the messiness of life, and yet hold fast to the truth. The truth that the world is created by Gods word and therefore, it will be within his word that I will find the very compass designed to help me navigate it.

Bible Delight #2

2011-06-19T18:35:00.000+10:00

So, let’s have a further look at Bible Delight. As I said last week, the author divides Psalm 119 into twenty- two different sections. I don’t think I’ll be able to comment on all these sections, so I thought I’d just pick a few that stood out most to me. I’m sure as you read the book, other things will resonate with you also.

Ash starts the book with two sections that are designed to help us get our bearings as we read psalm 119. I found these really eye opening. One thing that I found especially helpful is the way Ash explains the use of what he calls “word” words. There are eight different words, used throughout psalm 119, to describe God’s Word. Over and again in the psalm we will see the psalmist talking about his love for “Instruction”, “Testimony”, “Precepts”, “Statutes”, “Commandments”, “Judgements”, “Word” and “Promise”.

I’d always read the psalm and found it really hard to relate to the way the psalmist talks about these words. When the psalmist “faints with longing” with laws and judgements, I honestly thought he sounded pretty strange. I couldn’t understand how the psalmist could use romantic words to describe things as hard and cold as laws and decrees.

So, when I read Bible Delight, I felt that I started to understand this psalm for the very first time! Ash explains that these eight words are all facets of one central idea. That central idea, that central jewel is the Covenant between God and His people. Ash says that although the word “Covenant” doesn’t actually appear in psalm 119, the Covenant is the wallpaper of the psalm- it lies behind every verse. So, as Covenant words they describe the very special relationship of promise, grace and love between God and His people.

What a revelation this was to me! Finally I could see why the psalm writer spoke so lovingly and with such passion about Laws and Statutes. The Covenant relationship between God and His people is one that is under-girded by grace. Ash writes persuasively and goes into detail, explaining from the Old Testament how these words can actually be viewed as grace words, instead of rule words. For me, it really unlocked the psalm and I felt I could finally start to relate to the psalmist. I started to see that the psalmist delighted in knowing God and walking with God in relationship. This was something that piqued my interest, something I would love to experience myself. This fresh understanding helped me keep reading and as I read, I started to see some really solid, practical outworkings of psalm 119…more to come later!

Bible Delight #1

2011-06-13T22:48:00.000+10:00

I became a Christian when I was in high school, and I remember being really excited about the Bible. Reading verses for the first time was amazing. My best friend and I used to pass notes to each other in class, writing Bible verses on them, and writing stuff like, “Check this out!”, “How cool is that!”. Those were great days. These days, I’m still walking with God and the Bible has certainly sustained me across the years. But I have to admit, I don’t feel that wonder and delight as frequently as I did. There’s times when that joy springs up again, but often the Bible can feel like a duty, instead of a delight.

I think that’s why I found Christopher Ash’s book, Bible Delight so helpful. I think for me, it addresses an issue that not many of us Christians want to talk about. We don’t really want to admit that we often don’t feel excited about the Bible.

I also love the way that he chooses not to motivate his readers through guilt. Instead, he chooses to inspire and excite us. He does this by taking the reader on a detailed and insightful journey though Psalm 119. The psalm has 167 verses, and has a lot to say about Gods word. Ash divides the psalm into twenty-two different sections, which all have personal response questions at the end. In this way, you can read the book over a period of time, digesting each section bit by bit. Perhaps you could even read one section each day!

In his introduction he says something that I found very interesting. He says that one of the great functions of the psalms is to “shape our ragged emotions and desires, so that we not only think as we ought to think, but also feel as we ought to feel and long as we ought to long.” (p12). He says that Psalm 119 gives us a model of how to authentically respond to God and his word, how to combine thought and feeling, theology and prayer, emotion and reality. Through his book, and particularly through Psalm 119, he wants to “inject into the heartbeat of Christian experience the passionate and reasonable delight in the written word of God.” (p 13)

I really loved his goal. I didn’t want to read a book that just told me what to do. As I read the introduction I felt warmed and excited. I was keen to read carefully through this psalm, with Ash’s careful guidance in the hope that my heart might be changed, my emotions touched and that I may learn as Ash says, to “sing” this psalm with a new and authentic delight for God’s word in my heart.

Meeting Anna Moss

2011-06-10T09:33:00.001+10:00

Anna Moss is our June contributor on EQUIP book club.
Anna will be reviewing Bible Delight by Christopher Ash, which is a wonderful deep look into Psalm 119.

Anna is married to Clayton and has two little girls, Talitha (6) and Eva (3). She works at Drummoyne Presbyterian Church, ministering with the women there. To relax, she loves nothing better than a nice cup of tea and a good book. When feeling motivated, she loves jogging (or at least attempting to) round the Bay Run, near her home.

Contending #2

2011-05-19T17:28:00.000+10:00

When you hear the word “theology”, what does your gut do? Leap or cringe?

What struck me after reading chapter 2 of Contending is that theological debates are not reserved for the ‘dusty’[1] halls of theological colleges. They go to the deeply personal fact of who it is I talk to when I pray.

It is impossible to love Jesus, but not love theology. Theology is what I know about God and his Son. How can I love the Jesus I know but not love what I know about him?

In this chapter, first Piper summarises the life and work of the great Christian forefather Athanasius, Bishop of Alexandria who lived 298-373AD. Then, he unpacks 7 key lessons from his life.

To be honest, I think he’s bitten off more than I can chew! Athanasius’ life is so summarised that I struggled to get caught up in the drama of it.

Having said all this, Piper does provide several perceptive insights about how we should go about defending truths about God. Here’s one that particularly struck me:

“Loving Christ includes loving true propositions about Christ” (p63).

It’s easy to agree that we love Jesus. It’s harder to agree on who he is. Jesus is not an abstract idea like “justice” or “multiculturalism”. He is a flesh and blood man about whom some things are false and some things are true. At this moment, he is either alive or dead. He is either both fully God and fully man or some other concoction. I cannot love him and be happy for others to speak lies or even ½ truths about him.

This should change whether I speak up about him amongst Christians as well as non-Christians. But it should also change how I view other people when they speak up. When I see a minister, in the pulpit or in the media, raising a contentious theological point, my mind jumps to label them as ‘narrow minded’, ‘being nitpicky’, ‘causing division’ or ‘getting up on their hobby horse’. Instead I think I should pause and ask, rather “is somebody who passionately loves Jesus and is seeking to stand for who he really is?”.

The fact is that Athanasius perservered for 45 years, through persecution and exile, for a truth we now take for granted - that Jesus is both man and God. Without this truth, there is no gospel. My place in death is not taken and God as judge is not satisfied.

While I am tempted to put things in the ‘too hard basket’ and change the conversation, Athanasius spoke up again and again. He loved theology because he loved Jesus. He loved Jesus so much that he spoke up when I would have stayed silent.

Footnote:
[1] Trust me, I’m at one now – they’re not dusty. They’re full of lovely, passionate people!

Meeting Annabel Catto

2011-05-11T21:59:00.000+10:00

Annabel Catto is our May contributor on EQUIP book club.
Annabel will be reviewing Contending for our all by John Piper.

"I was born and raised in Sydney. I started following Jesus by late high school (although it may have been earlier), and I'm so thankful to God for how he used my parents, local church and the uni Christian group to mature my faith.

I loved studying history and law at uni, and I loved practicing as a solicitor in the city. Nevertheless in 2008 I resigned and uprooted to begin a 2 year ministry apprenticeship at St Paul's Carlingford Group of Churches. In 2011, I'm studying at Moore Theological College, which I'm loving.

My parents and sisters are scattered between Sydney, Queensland and Kathmandu. But I like being able to keep in touch, as well as blue-sky crisp sunny days, market-shopping and spending time with friends."

Contending #1

2011-05-11T21:49:00.000+10:00

Don’t you hate it when Christians argue? Especially when they argue about Christ? My heart beats faster, my stomach sinks and all my gut screams ‘Change the subject!’

After all, didn’t Jesus pray that we would be unified. He even said that this would show the world he was from God (John 18:21).

The introduction of John Piper’s “Contending for our All” was a timely rebuke for me that there is a time and a place for debating and defending what we believe. Not just against the world, but also amongst our brothers and sisters.

God has told us truths. Truths like – Jesus is man and God; he died on the cross in my place; he came back to life; heaven and hell are real. Those truths have given me new life, a new identity and a new future. So shouldn’t I defend those truths so other people can enjoy new life, new identity and a new future too?

If people do not know the truth, how can it set them free?

I’m a stickler for correcting people when they misspell my name, but why am I so slow to correct people when they misunderstand Jesus. It really makes no difference whether they spell it Annabel or Annabelle. But if somebody has a skewiff picture of Jesus, even if they are a fellow-Christian, it can have big consequences – particularly if they are teaching others.

I take it this is why Jesus got so fired up against the false-teaching Pharisees. He accused them of locking up the kingdom of heaven from people! He could see them taking people by the hand and tenderly leading them to death (Matthew 23:13).

Piper helpfully points out we should not enjoy controversy nor run from it. The best guiding light is our love for Christ. If I love Christ, I will fight for the truth of who he is and what he did. If I love Christ, I won’t debate for the sake of debate but for the sake of his name. This affects not only whether and what we discuss but also how we discuss truths – never pulling the other person down, never arrogant and letting God’s word do the talking.

So if you’re a scaredy-cat like me, have a read and a ponder over Piper’s introduction. And if you’re coming to EQUIP on May 28 then why not read it before then to kick off your thinking on what it means to be a freedom fighter.

As Piper says…

“ Let us heed Martin Luther’s warning not to proclaim only what is safe while the battle rages around what is necessary:

If I profess with the loudest voice and clearest exposition every portion of the truth of God except precisely that little point which the world and the devil are at that moment attacking, I am not confessing Christ, however boldly I may be professing Christ. Where the battle rages there the loyalty of the soldier is proved, and to be steady on all the battlefield besides it mere flight and disgrace if he flinches at that point.” (Luther, quoted by Piper p35-36)

When people are big and God is small #8

2011-05-09T21:00:00.000+10:00

Christians are hard to love. (Present readership excepted of course!) Church would be a lot easier if everyone was more like me. Like what I like. Dislike what I dislike. That’s the way most clubs or hobbies work. People who are alike get together. God seems to have different ideas. He loves and saves all kinds of people. People very different to me. And they come to my church! Of course, we need to ignore the fact that I’m different to every one of them. And if you’d possibly believe it, there are times I’m hard to love.

In his generosity and wisdom, our triune God has made us all different. He’s saved us. By His own Spirit He’s united us to Christ Jesus. And so united us to one another. To quote High School Musical, we’re all in this together!

It’s a matter of perspective. It’s God’s church far before it’s my church. Difference in unity showing love through the Spirit in the Son gives glory to the Father. Because you’re different to me, you have strengths that I don’t, you can do things I can’t, you have opportunities I don’t. Our differences allow us serve to one another. They help rather than hinder. Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12, Ephesians 4, God tells us this again and again. Welch helpfully reminds us that oneness is not sameness and gives examples in action.

When God is big and people are small we’re free to love. It’s not the same as niceness, it’s not just friendliness, it’s not giving people exactly what they want all of the time, it’s not saying yes to everyone all the time. Welch is practical and insightful and personal in his discussion of love for our church family. “When we live in the fear of the Lord, there is an intensity to our lives. We are zealous to obey, we are no longer indifferent to others, and we have a desire for the church to be brilliant and outstanding. Such desires may mean some late nights and some tasks we would rather not do. Love is certainly not the easy way out.”

Welch finishes with a lovely montage of examples, including his own, about the impact that fear of God can have on life. Since finishing the book there’s been more than once I’ve stopped and thought, “Why did I just say that?” or “I did that to impress them.” It’s an uncomfortable exercise to get to the end of the day and examine what I’ve done motivated by others rather than God. I need God’s grace. I need a big God. I’m glad I’ve read this book.

A friend of mine has a sign on her wall. It says, ‘Audience of One’.

When people are big and God is small #7

2011-05-08T15:04:00.000+10:00

A broken cup floating in the ocean. It’s overwhelming, it’s abundant, it’s engulfing. Welch writes, ‘Our cup cannot contain what God bestows on us.’ There are no needs left to be met. God covers the shamed. He accepts the rejected. He protects the threatened. There is only the overflow of God’s love. God gives us himself. When God is big I’m controlled by him and not by people. I’m free to love God and love others, because I fear God alone.

God used a Bible study on 2 Corinthians 5:11-6:2 to push me towards serving Him full time in a more formal way. I’d been running the other direction and making excuses for some time. I attended a meeting where I discovered church leaders asked me to consider a ministry apprenticeship in the next year. I avoided the next meeting I was invited to.

2 Corinthians 5:13-15 says, ‘If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.’

Christ’s love compels, controls, restrains, requires, demands. I’ve already lost everything. I’ve died. The big decision is to be Christian or not Christian. Everything after that is little. His work of reconciling people to himself, His entrusting of the ministry of reconciliation, it’s all about Jesus, all about God and His plans and purposes, I’m controlled by Him.

The final chapters of Welch’s work affirm, ‘You’re loved in Christ. Go and love others.’ Welch has reoriented our view of God and our view of ourselves. He now sets us straight with respect to our view of others. People are not to be idolised or feared, as we fear God. When we’re dependent on God and not on others we’re then free to love them. The radical call is to love your enemy.

This is possible in Christ. Sin and death and all enemies are defeated by Jesus. He’s at God’s right hand waiting for them to be made the footstool for his feet. Every knee will bow to Jesus in heaven and on earth and under the earth. Knowing the risen Christ, we know the outcome of history. Jesus wins. As the psalmist did, as Jesus did, we’re to entrust ourselves to him who judges justly. We’re to forgive those who sin against us. We pray for Jesus to return soon. Until then, we love.

It’s hard to know what love properly looks like. Anyone who’s seen a child with a bag of lollies knows that giving someone exactly what they want isn’t always the loving thing to do. Love must be discerning in a sinful world. But wisdom mustn’t undercut the radical nature of love that is called for. I’m free to love to extremes because of the love shown to me.

When people are big and God is small #6

2011-05-02T23:12:00.000+10:00

God is very, very, very Big. God is God and I am not. I serve kids. We sing songs together. My God is so Big is a classic. We sing it loud and sing it soft, sing it high and sing it low, sing it fast and sing it slow. We sing it over and over again. God is very, very, very Big.

As a child the whole world is big, everyone is bigger than you. But as we grow we fool ourselves. We get bigger. We make ourselves so big we’re at the centre of it all. God is nowhere to be found. When people are big and God is small, I am biggest of all.

Welch re-examines the leaky love tank, a person is a cup imagery. We don’t need to be filled. We need forgiveness. God smashes and breaks self-centred desires and needs. The old self dies and we are new creation in Christ. Christ is where we see the true image of God. He shows God’s glory, full of grace and truth.

People as cups is very self-focused. Better to say, humans are mirrors. A person truly and properly expresses their humanity as they show the image of God and express a character that is like God. Humans are worshippers, we’re made to glorify God. Welch explains this practically by saying we give human expression, as far as creaturely possible, to be like God. Any image God gives of himself, Welch says, is to be applied to and lived out by Christians. In Christ, we’re priests, children, slaves, friends, fellow workers, brides, warrior, living stones, evangelists, prophets, pastors, teachers, husbands.

I love the God-centred, Christ-focused thrust of these chapters. I’m screaming on the inside for Biblical theology to effect the exegesis and application of the images. The allegorical use of the priestly garments left me confused. Welch didn’t explain why only human images of God were being picked up and not something like God as rock. Welch drives the image of God as his main focus, but because I’m not convinced of his precise definition I felt uncomfortable by the end.

Yet at the same time these are the most revolutionary and convicting chapters. They challenge my self-centredness and self-definition. Who am I? I am a creature made in the image of the triune redeeming holy Lord. Jesus must be at the centre of my life and not my felt needs.

Welch’s look at humanity is very refreshing in the face of self-help and how to and try harder solutions that are fruitless and guilt inducing. Yet he is clear and structured and practical in his approach. Jesus is the key.

When people are big and God is small #5

2011-05-02T12:28:00.000+10:00

I don’t like spiders and snakes. Cockroaches I can deal with. Things that are going to bite me, I’m less happy. One could even say I’m afraid of spiders and snakes. The only snake that’s happily in my house is a green door stop with a red felt tongue and eyes stuck on from when we told the creation story at Kids Church. Fear of snakes and spiders is the normal way that the term fear is used.

That’s one of the reasons why fear of the Lord is confusing. Welch redefines fear by making it a spectrum rather than a specific response. terror > dread > trembling > astonishment > awe > reverence > devotion > trust > worship. All these are fear of the Lord, according to Welch. Fear of God as angry Judge is on the same scale as fear of God as loving Father.

Fear of the Lord is a pervasive category in Scripture. It is the beginning of wisdom. It is required of the Israelites at Mount Sinai. All the earth is the fear the Lord. It covers lots and lots of things. But I’m not yet ready to subsume trust and worship under the banner of fear. Fear of the Lord may lead to devotion, trust and worship, this would be an excellent outcome. But that things occur together doesn’t make them the same.

Welch’s explanations are OT heavy. In Hebrews 12, the writer contrasts the experience of Christians with that of Israel. In verse 21 he says Moses was terrified at Sinai. Verse 22 comes in with a ‘how much more’ kind of statement, ‘But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem…’ Receiving promises in heaven is more fearsome than receiving promises on earth. It leads to worship in verse 28-29, ‘Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our “God is a consuming fire”.’

Fear is an element of knowing Christ as your mediator. This fear is not the same as worship but prompts perseverance, trust and worship. I think Welch is pushing me towards helpful and good responses to God but I don’t always agree with all the language he uses to do it.

Welch also makes holiness a huge category. “Holiness is not one of many attributes of God. It is his essential nature and seen in all his qualities.” God has holy love, holy justice, holy beauty. Holiness is separateness. Holiness is set apartness. Welch equates God’s holiness with God’s transcendence. He’s the high and lofty one. He’s incomprehensible. He’s different and distant from us. God is holy, holy, holy. But God is close to us. That’s what makes his holiness so terrifying. The Holy God is our creator and sustainer and redeemer and perfecter. He is the Holy One in our midst. Which is why Leviticus goes on and on and on with so many details for the Israelites. When the Holy ferocious Lord is your next door neighbour you need to be on your toes. God’s holiness is essential to who he is. It’s commanded of his people. It’s also something we learn.

Welch takes us on a guided tour of God’s holiness: creation, the patriarchs, exodus, the law, wisdom, prophets, final judgment. He finishes, as he must, with Jesus. In Him the Holy One of God is God with us. Those with eyes to see are amazed, astonished, terrified. The disciples fear for their lives in a storm. They fear even more the one who commands the wind and waves with a word. The inhabitants of the Gerasenes banished the possessed man to live among the dead. When he was clothed and in his right mind, they were afraid of the one at whose feet he sat. High on a mountain there’s a flash of blinding white like lightning. He’s transfigured. His friends are frightened. It’s scary to meet Jesus, to know him as he truly is. Every one failed. Every one fled in fear. No sinner could do what God planned for his own glory from all eternity. No one faced the cross but Jesus.

The good news is the risen Lord says, ‘Fear not’. His life, death and resurrection bring peace, peace with God, sanctification. We are holy in Christ. He sets us apart as his own. He welcomes us as his forgiven children. He is still the Holy One. He is the Holy One who chooses to love you.

Learn to fear the Lord. Come and meet your very, very, very Big God.

When people are big and God is small #4

2011-04-26T12:49:00.000+10:00

I walk into the kitchen in my sneakers. I pour myself a glass of water from the tap. On a hot afternoon, it’s good to be home. A very normal situation in my house. I haven’t left my shoes at the door and swapped them for slippers. I don’t drink water from the kettle that was boiled earlier and left to cool. Cultural conventions effect the most mundane details of life. Assumptions shape my worldview in ways I don’t even notice. That’s why they’re assumptions I guess. I don’t even think about them.

Welch spends the last chapter of this first section broadening the horizon. He moves from self-reflection to cultural-reflection. It appears he’s trying to define the context that he’s speaking into. It’s to the USA 14 years ago. Culture has developed. We’re on the other side of the planet. But many of the factors are such broad brush-strokes that they can’t simply be dismissed.

What are some of our assumptions that push us away from a proper fear of God?
• Cult of self
• Pluralism
• It’s valid to worship “god as I define him or would like him to be”
• I am morally good
• Absolute authority of feelings
• Spirituality as unknowable non-physical experience
• People have a psychological hierarchy of needs

There’s always the danger of trying to look for assumptions from the inside. From inside a closed system, inside a situation, it’s very hard to step back and really see what’s happening. As a Christian I want to challenge these assumptions. As they’re pointed out to me I can see they’re not right. I’m not the centre of the universe. Jesus is the only way to the Father. God’s God on His own terms not mine. I’m morally corrupt. Feelings aren’t the be all and end all and final court of appeal. Spirituality isn’t all clouds and harps. God has spoken to us by his Son. Using Jesus to meet my needs treats him like a genie not Saviour and Lord. But I’m sure those flavours permeate my everyday existence and daily decisions.

Another assumption that I’ve reflected on is the priority of spontaneity. I think it’s related to the authority of feelings and spirituality. It’s assumed that going with the flow is spiritual. It’s assumed that, just like me, the Spirit works at the last minute. He can’t possibly be organised ahead of time. So whatever pops out just before the deadline for Bible Study or as I’m leading the prayer in church must be the most spiritual thing. Jesus was spiritual, Spirit empowered Messiah. He seemed pretty organised and deliberate in heading to the cross. It wasn’t just a “let’s go with the flow and see what happens” kind of event.

I’m sure there are other assumptions to explore and reflect on as well. There are many more insightful examiners of our culture out there from whom I’d love to learn. But this one has been on my mind.

When people are big and God is small #3

2011-04-24T18:44:00.000+10:00

The notice reads ‘Staying On Your Feet – A Guide to Preventing Falls’. Below is a clipart image of four people standing with their hands in the air. The pixels are evident where it’s been enlarged. I’m sure it’s been stuck to the board for a long time. Mostly I walk past without noticing.

It’s hard not to notice when someone falls to the ground right in front of you. A gust of wind blew the door shut and it knocked her from the step onto the concrete. She crawled on hands and knees on fragile skin over the rough surface unable to get up. I tried to provide an arm to cling to but I wasn’t stable enough for her to get to her feet. A chair, a door frame and several exhausting attempts later she was on her feet. No wounds but those left on self-dignity.

I don’t normally feel threatened. I don’t usually fear being harmed. I don’t often feel vulnerable. Perhaps it’s the façade of youth and health and wealth that keep me safe. More probably it’s God’s kindness.

Chapter 4 takes a drastic turn from the two before it. It addresses fear of harm. And instead of a wordy notice, it gives the vulnerable a face and a voice. It’s hard to ignore. Welch addresses those who fear being harmed, those who have suffered at the hands of others whether physical, emotional, sexual, family abuse or neglect. He distinguishes between shame that flows from being sinned against and guilt that comes from our own sin. He suggests that these must both be addressed and neither ignored. We are very good at twisting situations and hiding in our selfishness. Welch proposes that the solution is not self-esteem but fear of God. His compassion and kindness, cover and protect and was away guilt and shame. Turning inward is a dead end. Turning to others is in an inescapable labyrinth.

I pray not to find myself amidst the depths of fear of harm and desperate situations. Every day I am vulnerable to risks and dangers that I don’t even acknowledge. I hope that God-confidence more than self-confidence will protect me from fear. I also hope that knowing God and his care for the vulnerable might prompt me to care and compassion in a Christ-centred and truly helpful way.

When people are big and God is small #2

2011-04-18T16:38:00.001+10:00

Last week I bought a hat. A bright red felt number with a grey and red feature on the side. I quite like it. Some people love shoes. I love trying on hats. But apart from a cap while playing sport I rarely wear a hat down the street. I have a dilemma, especially with a bright red hat. Am I wearing this to stand out from the crowd? Am I wearing this to hide under the rim? Or both at the same time? I like to think I’ve outgrown peer pressure but I think my wardrobe belies the claim.

Afraid of being exposed? Afraid of not belonging? Welch diagnoses fear of shame and rejection. Ask yourself, “Am I different at home when nobody’s watching to when I’m at church or school or work or with family and friends?” That’s fear of man. My need to be filled means I turn to people around me and turn them into idols. I give them power. They enslave me. What I fear shows where my allegiance lies.

Welch punctuates his book with personal stories and theological reflections. He also gives Biblical examples of what he means by fear of man. The stories are heart wrenching and the reflections insightful. But sometimes the manner in which he calls upon the Biblical material left me asking questions. Although he made good points I’m not sure Welch’s point was the main thrust of that Biblical passage. So I’m left wondering whether the diagnosis of fear of man in Welch’s terms fits as neatly into the Biblical categories as he would seem to argue.

Nonetheless, Welch’s reflections on the human condition are revealing. I find it easy to look for reasons outside myself to explain away or justify what I do. It’s humbling to admit that sin comes from my heart and I can’t blame anyone else or explain it away (Mark 7:20-23). Fear of man is idolatry. Calvin says, “The human heart is a factory of idols.”

God covers. God accepts. God forgives.

When people are big and God is small #1

2011-04-12T15:53:00.000+10:00

I’m not a fan of pop psychology and I’m not always self-reflective. But in When people are big and God is small, Edward Welch has a way of asking practical questions that turn introspection in an interesting (and helpful) direction. He put his finger on my pride and self-doubt in a most uncomfortable way. I generally try to avoid being convicted by questions in anything that remotely resembles a "self help" style genre. But he just kept asking and kept asking and didn't let me get away!

The popular image that Welch explores is that humans are shaped like cups. (I think I’d be a coffee cup!) a cup that needs to be filled. I look for affirmation, acceptance and safety. But my cup never seems to runneth over. I seem to have sprung a leak. Welch uses the phrase “leaky love tanks”. My need to be filled leads to fear of man, leading to peer pressure, co-dependency and people pleasing. I’m never satisfied when I look to others to fill me. And sometimes I’m not even satisfied with God’s love for me. It feels like a shallow answer because I feel like a blackhole that always sucks in more and more and never fills.

Welch diagnoses fear of man as a universal problem. The answer isn’t looking to others. The answer is not self-love. The answer is not a trite 'God loves you'.

Welch proceeds along a practical counseling path first examining the reasons how and why we fear others. The radical treatment is fear of the Lord. The application leads to service and love of God and others. But he tantalisingly hangs those answers out at the end of the first chapter before starting our journey there.

Meeting Bek Earnshaw

2011-04-07T11:38:00.000+10:00

Bek Earnshaw is our April contributor on EQUIP book club.
Bek will be reviewing When people are big and God is small by Edward Welch.

“I grew up in western Sydney. In early high school my Christian friends started an Inter-School Christian Fellowship (ISCF) group and my Nan gave me a copy of the New Testament. I thought I was good enough for God. As I read the gospel I met Jesus and realised I needed him as my Lord and Saviour. I put my trust in him and became a Christian.

At university God graciously and persistently challenged me that His plans and purposes demanded my efforts and priorities. After uni I completed a ministry apprenticeship part-time on campus and then studied at Moore Theological College. I now serve Christ and his people full time at Chatswood Presbyterian Church. I tell kids about Jesus, at church on Sundays, in schools during the week. I also study part-time at the Presbyterian Theological Centre.

I love my morning coffee, brunch by the beach, homemade pasta or pizza with friends, playing my guitar, chasing a flying disc at ultimate frisbee and watching sports of all kinds, especially cricket.”

Remaking a Broken World #5

2011-04-03T16:18:00.000+10:00

Even though the local church hints at a remade world, I’m sure we all realise it’s far from perfect. So it’s a relief that in the final chapters of the book, we see a beautiful picture of God’s people perfectly gathered under His rule. What a joy it is to know that one day, ultimate unity is possible!

Ash makes an interesting distinction between heaven and the new creation (p179). He defines heaven as the place where God and Jesus “reside” right now, along with Christians who have passed on from this world (vastly different from the white, fluffy version of Philadelphia cream cheese ads). But even heaven is not the end of the story. The final goal of God, as far as we can understand it, is that God’s people will be ruling a thoroughly remade creation under Christ’s headship for God’s glory. Imagine the world as it is now, but purged of all things bad and with good delights transcended a thousand times. It’s creation, but deeply transformed – a reunification of heaven and earth!

This new creation will only come when Jesus comes back. That’s why everything is waiting for His return. It is the hope of every Christian past, present & future; the very creation itself groans in longing; and even Jesus Himself is awaiting that day. Therefore, we who are Christians persevere not for death & heaven, but for the Day of the Lord when all things in heaven and on earth will be brought under one head, even Christ (Eph 1:9,10).

Remaking a broken world – it’s a catchy book title, and it could almost be the subtitle for the whole Bible (if I may say so with utmost reverence for God’s word). Reading this book has made me appreciate how God’s plan to gather His people wonderfully and graciously includes the humble local church. It has refreshed my passion to persist in serving the Church for His glory whilst I eagerly await Jesus’ return. But in the end, perfect harmony will only be possible when God remakes all of creation.

Remaking a Broken World #4

2011-03-29T21:54:00.000+11:00

After thousands of years, God’s plan for remaking a broken world is fulfilled in Jesus! At the cross, Jesus reconciled people to God. What’s more is that people are also reconciled to each other as a wonderful side effect of the cross!

I found it fascinating to read about the relationship between the Spirit and the cross (p127). The vivid imagery of God’s Spirit destroying any hearts uncleansed by Jesus’ death depicts the awesomeness of God’s holiness. It is impossible for our sinful human hearts to house the Spirit of a most holy God. But I didn’t quite understand what the Holy Spirit has to do with gathering of God’s people. It turns out that the Spirit’s coming signified the fulfilment of God’s original promise to Abraham. (p128 cf. Ga 3:14) It is the Spirit that reverses the curse of the Tower of Babel at Pentecost (Acts 2:1-12) and also gathers people into fellowship with God. I guess the fact that I had never considered the Spirit’s role in bringing about unity demonstrates my often restricted understanding of the Spirit.

I was also greatly challenged by the seven marks of an authentic local church, as discussed in Chapter 8. It looks so different to the churches I’m used to! Not because I’ve been in bad churches, but the reality is that Christians meet in a world broken by sin. Yet this chapter has lifted my view of Church to see in it the seeds of a remade world.

The gracious nature of the church stood out in particular. As I read about Jesus telling His disciples that His followers must become like children (p145), I was humbly convicted of my own dependence and lack of status before God. It is only by grace that I am accepted into His Church. What right do I have, then, to think that I am any better than others who have also received God’s grace? On what basis can I choose to not accept others? How easy it is for me to forget the very reason I’m a Christian in the first place and lapse into the sin of pride!

So in exploring the elements of a remade world, I was instead reminded of how far the church (and myself) fall from that end goal. May God continue to graciously gather and perfect His people!

Remaking a Broken World #3

2011-03-23T07:16:00.000+11:00

After the depressing brokenness of the world in Section A, it was uplifting to see the gathering of God’s people foreshadowed (Section B). In particular, I was struck by the riches of God’s plans for the church, exemplified through Israel’s assembly at Mt. Sinai.

I’d never before noticed the importance of that particular gathering for the Israelites. They must’ve wondered at God’s promises to Abraham as they slaved away in Egypt. But at Mt. Sinai, they were finally a nation in their own right! It was also the first church gathering since the Garden. They were one people, in the one church, under the one God, where they heard God speak.

God clearly intended for all His people to be one without divisions. Yet we know that Israel was later divided. We also know, all too well, that the church today is often separated by race, gender, culture or class. I look forward to the day when the Church is truly unified under God. May we keep working towards that even in a world broken by sin.

An interesting thing I noted in chapter 3 was that God’s people did not actually see God at Mt. Sinai. Rather, they heard God as He spoke to them, which demonstrates the importance of God’s word. Ash goes as far as to say that, “Unless our first desire when we gather is to hear and heed the voice of God in his word, we have missed the foundation point of the church.” (p52) What a great reminder that is, as the world constantly pushes for Christians to update, revamp, modernise and make attractive the Gospel. The word of God, and only the word of God, should be “the driving force that shapes authentic church life.”

So in many ways, Mt. Sinai’s assembly foreshadowed the gathering of God’s people. But the gathering on that day was still at a distance from God, a far cry from the intimacy of God’s relationship with mankind in the Garden of Eden. Thank God that in the perfectly remade world, intimacy will again be possible!

Remaking a Broken World #2

2011-03-15T07:28:00.000+11:00

My first impression of the book was – “huh?” I’m not sure if you felt the same, but it went over my head. I knew the premise of the book was to point towards the local church as heart of the Bible’s story by highlighting the theme of scattering and gathering. But as I started reading, I failed to grasp how this theme came about and why it was important.

According to my previous (perhaps naïve) understanding, the main goal of Bible overviews is to track the salvation plan from creation to new creation. Imagine my surprise when little mention was made of sin or death in the story of Adam & Eve (Chapter 1). Instead, it was mainly about the destruction of harmony and alienation from God.

At the tower of Babel (Chapter 2), again my views were challenged. I had previously thought the event was simply about human’s rebellion against God, which resulted in God forcing them to scatter and fill the earth (cf. original command to mankind). But I had not considered that part of God’s purpose in confusing their language was to frustrate man’s harmony and demonstrate that harmony is not possible without Him.

As I continued reading, however, I was persuaded. I realised that the destruction of harmony, either between God & man or man & man, is a direct result of sin. Without God’s merciful intervention, sinful people will always be separated from Him and scattered from each other. Gathering in harmony is only possible when God is accepted as Lord. (Not an earth-shattering revelation perhaps, but it took me awhile to grasp.)

Thus, this Bible overview isn’t really all that strange. God’s people have indeed been scattered or gathered at crucial points in salvation history. It’s merely a different angle that puts the church into main focus. I now look forward to learning more about this theme through the rest of the book!

So if any of you are struggling just as I did, I encourage you to persevere with me! It’s well worth it.

Remaking a Broken World #1

2011-03-06T21:52:00.000+11:00

I’m a pastor’s kid. Along with all the things that come with being a PK, I was a really good Sunday School student (although probably dreaded by all the teachers). Abraham & Isaac, David & Goliath, Jonah & the fish, Jesus’ parables, the prodigal son – I knew it all. A regular goody-two-shoes.

But the Bible didn’t make much sense. Sure, I thought I understood each part on its own, but when thrown together it became mish mash. To me, the books of the Bible had very little to do with each other apart from God being the ultimate author of them all. I also thought of the Old and New Testaments as pretty much the same. Just as we follow Jesus in the New Testament, we should follow King David and other OT heroes as moral examples (omitting the adultery & murder, of course).

Then the light dawned.

I was at a conference in Brisbane, when I saw, for the first time, how the whole Bible links together. I grasped the importance of God’s promises to Abraham, I saw Jesus as the culmination of God’s plan, I caught a glimpse of God’s eternal kingdom that is now but not yet. It was wonderful! It was as if I’d been watching a black and white TV that suddenly developed colour. The same TV, but on a whole new level. All the stories I’d learnt at Sunday School now fitted together with Jesus as the common thread. I could see the Bible as the one story with Jesus at the climax.

So that was my introduction to biblical theology. It’s changed the way I read the Bible, although I often still struggle to understand and apply it well. That’s why I’m interested in “Remaking a broken world”. I’m hoping to further develop my biblical theology by reading a book that explores church as the heart of the Bible story.

I hope you enjoy the journey with me.

Meeting Winnie Lau

2011-03-04T15:43:00.000+11:00

Winnie Lau is our March contributor on EQUIP book club.
Winnie will be reviewing Remaking a broken world by Christopher Ash, which helps us understand 'the heart of the Bible story'.

“I was born in Hong Kong but have spent most of my life in Brisbane. Two months ago, my husband Ez and I moved down to Sydney to start our ministry apprenticeships at St Paul’s Carlingford. We’d been thinking about full-time ministry for awhile so it’s exciting to be starting!

I was brought up in a Christian home and I’m extremely thankful that I learnt about God from a young age. During the middle of high school, the truth of the Gospel sank in and I put my trust in Jesus. However, it was during my university years that my love for the Bible grew and my faith matured most through a good evangelical conference and the uni AFES group. I worked as a pharmacist after graduation, which I really enjoyed.

My ideal day off would include spending time with Ez, getting together with friends, and lazing at home. To relax, I’d probably read, bake, watch TV or play the piano. I’ve also started jogging recently, since exercise is rumoured to be good for you.”

Just the two of us - The long unknown

2011-03-03T08:45:00.001+11:00

My husband and I often talk about the ’secret club’ of people with infertility. It’s a strange club. Few people join by choice, close friends might be unaware they have a common membership, and if you end up getting what everyone in the club desires, your membership is immediately void. You could be a member for only a short time, or your membership may never expire.

It is no doubt because of this strangeness that I felt the conclusion of Just the two of us was really unsatisfying. There was just a weird mix of hope and hopelessness. That is, there is hope for all, but for some this hope may come through the situation remaining unchanged. I guess this is simply a reflection of infertility itself. Whilst you are experiencing infertility, there is always uncertainty about the future. This inevitably affects any conclusions we can draw because we just don’t know. And though the final chapters reflect on long term childlessness, there is a sense where the hope still lingers in some form, even if it presents in the form of loss.

The grief of infertility is chronic. It may go through ebbs and flows, stronger at times and more manageable at others, but it is an ever-present grief. This can be a very tiring truth, but I like the encouragement mentioned in the book from Isaiah 40:27-31 – God gives strength to the weary! And this is not just strength to keep on living, but strength to keep on living for God’s glory.

A Christian friend of mine who works with university students told me once that it is difficult to train women for Christian work because women of that age only make plans in 2 year blocks. If they’re married, they may have children by then, if they’re working they might be out of the workforce with family. Even if they’re single, they could possibly even be married and then pregnant in two years time. It is easy to see how the uncertainty infertility brings for a woman’s life can create a perpetual state of existence feeling as if life is on ‘pause’.

And so it is helpful that Just the two of us offers, amongst the inevitable message of hope and healing, a few gentle yet wise rebukes.

We mustn’t make an idol out of family or children. Though it is difficult to let go of the dreams we had for the future and the pictures we created in our minds of what our lives would look like, we are to be careful not to let anyone or anything other than God rule our hearts. Bitterness is a real danger for those whose expectations are not met, and can easily harden us towards God.

I really could associate with the feelings Kath expressed (p164). My Mum is a midwife who absolutely adores her job. She talks so fondly of all of the newborns, and loves to dote on children in general. I am quick to feel jealous when I see her enjoying another’s child, wishing instead that it was her own grandchild she was enjoying.

And yet as the book has so helpfully reminded us all the way through, the message of Jesus is not an empty Hallmark condolence. It’s not even a comforting ‘second best’. The gospel message forces our eyes to the horizon where we see that though the grief of not being able to bear children is right and very real, we must always be able to say there is a joy much greater than children. That joy is being known and owned by God (p 173-4).

Everything is in God’s hands: our past experiences, our present situation, and our future. Infertility is not a mistake. And this should cause us to wonder at what opportunities God has given us as a result of this situation. Though this might seem to us like ‘Plan B’, it was always God’s intention to mould us for good through this momentary trial.

Just the two of us - Treatment

2011-02-28T22:06:00.001+11:00

I wonder if you felt as overwhelmed as I did when I read these chapters? So many choices! It seems like the idea of choice is exactly the opposite problem to what most couples with infertility face. Most people see the choice as married couples either having children or not, and infertility takes that decision away from them.

If your reaction to reading of these treatment options turns immediately to the rights and wrongs, then it is worth going back to the start of the book to ensure you’ve been reading all the personal stories. My own thoughts go immediately to those people facing this. Consider for a moment, the pressures that these events necessitate. On top of the grief of dashed dreams, there is the burden of potential options and outcomes, of what is godly, and almost inevitably at every point clashing with the strongly held views of others.

For most “normal” couples, the decision to have children is private, personal and secret. To be in the realm of discussing treatment options is to already have involved other parties in what is normally hidden. Talking with health professions about the mechanics of making babies and sperm and egg production, is a far cry from a romantic dinner, candles and a Barry White album.

We must also be thankful for fertility intervention. It is a great mercy of God that advances in medical science have enabled a way forward from infertility, enabling many couples to have children. And at one level, the idea of fertility treatment is in the same boat as any other medical intervention, and no one generally tries to convince you from going to the doctor to get your heart medication. However, it’s not as simple as that, is it? We’re dealing with the creation of life, so we need to ask some bigger questions.

However, whilst these issues need to be discussed, it is worth approaching infertility treatment with a certain level of humility. Godly Christians who think through these issues arrive at a wide range of views as to what treatment is or isn’t appropriate.

And so just like in the book, I’m not going to condone any particular form of treatment, but rather point out to you the importance of thinking through the ethical issues that are part and parcel of assisted reproduction. To get you started, two big questions are posed in the book (p136-7), which I think are a great starting point.

But ultimately our position must be, ‘Children to the glory of God’. And though the health professions are on our side and desperately want us to have a family, they operate by the motto, ‘Children at any cost’ (often quite literally). And as Christians, we begin our questioning by recognising we may end up going down paths that seriously decrease our chances of pregnancy, and yet which we are convinced are godly approaches.

Perhaps the most helpful advice – though for many it is too late – is to think about all of these issues before you’re faced with it. The desperation of infertility is not necessarily the place where we are most level-headed on these matters.

Finally, a word on adoption. Although not a treatment per se, adoption is another option for those facing infertility. It is helpful to know that despite all the news coverage of adoption lately, it can paint a misleading picture of what the scene is like in Australia. There is not a situation like in some countries where there are thousands of children waiting to be adopted. Adoption is a long, difficult process in this country, without any guarantee of success.

And yet it is entirely appropriate for Christians to consider adoption. For amongst all we have covered thus far, it is perhaps the only aspect of infertility that is common to all Christians. Adoption is precious to us, as we have all been adopted into God’s family, providing us with a glorious model of abundant love poured out on another.

Just the two of us: Who am I?

2011-02-28T11:51:00.001+11:00

I left my job in 2008 thinking that I’d never return to work as a speech therapist. I planned to spend 2009 doing some hands on ministry training and then be pregnant by the time the year was out.

I pictured myself as a mother, and as it dawned on me that I was not going to become a mother very easily, I realised all that I had attached to that idea and all that I had associated with it. I thought I would not be in the work force, but would be at home looking after my children. I would not be in public ministry, but in ministry in and around the home, looking after my husband and children. I would not be going out to lunch with my work colleagues, but would be packing cut sandwiches to eat at the park with my children and meeting other mum’s. That’s who I wanted to become, and who I had pictured myself as, so when it wasn’t the case, I had a major identity crisis. Who was I? Who is my family? What will I do now that I don’t have children?

Some people may be impacted by the opinions that others hold regarding children and parenthood, and how the expectations of these people can shape their identity. People can assume that all women have a strong desire to have children but this is not always the case. What if I don’t think of myself as being particularly maternal? What then?

The Bible speaks a lot about families. Have you ever noticed how the New Testament particularly drips with familial language? Yet the idea of family is very different to what our society has come to see as family. Our family in the biblical sense is far more than blood. It is a family in Christ, because of our heavenly Father, and our adoption through his Son. But not only are we brothers and sisters with Christ, we are brothers and sisters with each other.

The apostle Paul so often loves others with a parental love even though he himself is a single man. As Christians, our parental love can be made manifest in the church where we have children in the faith…those we can nurture and love and care for in their Christian walk (3 John 4 is a prime example).

Whilst the idea of our Christian family cannot replace the desire to have children of our own, there are certain things that this gathering is able to fulfil for us. In the pain of fertility we straight away turn to ask what should we expect from our church family? There’s no doubt our church family know how to offer support. If someone experiences a death, or sickness, or the birth of a new baby, we know we need bake a lasagna and send it on over. But infertility is a whole other beast. It is usually a very private thing. A couple experiencing infertility doesn’t get printed on the church bulletin under prayer points. No one makes an announcement about infertility’s unexpected early arrival! It is easy to list the things our church family can’t provide.

You can hopefully understand some of the ways that gathering with other Christians can become hard for the infertile. I asked a Christian friend of mine once who was familiar with our situation, “How has your weekend been?” The reply, delivered with joyful exuberance was, “I’m pregnant!!!!” (exclamation points necessary). I was happy for her, but I was expecting ‘Good, how about yours?’ Nevermind the constant presence of families, kids programs, mothers groups, mothers days, mothers bible studies.

At times people can assume that children will come along very easily and so will ask insensitive and intrusive questions. Often these questions come from those within our church family who we expect to be more sensitive and supportive. Who are we to turn to for support then? Well, our church families. We are to continue meeting together even when it is hard. This is where we can be encouraged and give encouragement. And though no doubt there are many graces our church family can provide, it is better still to ask, not what your church family can do for you, but what you can do for your church family.

I find it comforting to know that God hasn’t given me these nuturing and maternal instincts to make my infertility seem even harder, but because that in this way I reflect how he relates to us. Our God is a God who is nuturing, loving, guiding and caring. I hope that even if God does not bless us with children, I will one day be healed enough from the sadness to be able to use these gifts for the benefit of others.

Over time it feels as though my identity has changed. I often respond to people through gritted teeth as they give ill-informed advice, or I smile outwardly when someone announces their pregnancy, whilst screaming inside. I feel like a very different person to my smiley, happy self I used to be. But I know that my true identity is found in Christ, in that I am made in the image of God, saved by his Son, brought into the fellowship of the Godhead with my fellow adopted daughters and sons of God.

Just the two of us: Marriage, men and miscarriage

2011-02-22T21:58:00.001+11:00

Infertility can wreak havoc on a marriage. Whether you have been unable to conceive at all, have experienced a pregnancy loss, or are struggling to conceive after previous pregnancies, childlessness brings a unique grief to each couple and circumstance. This grief is often different between couples and even within a marriage. Alongside your own individual suffering, marriages are at great risk of falling victim to the pain of infertility.

Stemming from our own experience, my husband and I have designed our ‘Top three questions to ask those experiencing infertility’. They are not profound, but we have found them the best way to focus the conversation in a way that allows a couple to be as open as they wish. The questions are:
1. How are you coping?
2. How is your spouse coping?
3. How is your marriage coping?

Due to the intimate nature of the issue, couples need to work hard at building trust within their marriage, and constructing a safe place where they can grieve together, support each other and share their concerns and heartache. In the midst of the pain, it is crucial to not shut down from each other but to work hard on your relationship as one of the most important things. You are married, you still have the ultimate marriage to base your own on. Keep looking to Ephesians 5 for the great picture of the model marriage.

It is worth emphasising the intimate nature of infertility, and how something such as conception, that usually occurs in secret, can by necessity become more public. Out of love for our spouse it may mean not talking so openly about everything involved for the sake of respecting their desire for privacy. Others will find it necessary to turn outside the marriage for support, so it may mean putting aside your own preference for confidentiality, in order to allow your spouse to debrief with friends or family.

This is true for both men and women. Until recently, the issues of identity and failure in men had been neglected in a traditional view of childlessness, yet can be just as prevalent as with women. Within the marriage relationship, we wives need to work hard at caring for our husbands in their distress.

On a related note, a couple’s sex life can be one of the first things to be affected by infertility. We know that sex is a good gift from God, but like everything else in today’s world, it is fallen. The fallenness of sex can come to the fore in the face of infertility, with what was once a joyful union now seemingly dictated by the calendar, the clock and by correct positioning. Sex is the glue that joins a man and wife together, so it is crucial to keep a healthy sex life for the sake of being ‘glued together’, not just conceiving (1 Cor 7:3-5). One of the most helpful tips given to us by an older couple who had experienced inferility before us was to keep having sex outside of the times when there is potential to fall pregnant. In this way we are reinforcing to each other that we see the benefits of sex in a marriage other than simply to make a baby.

Whilst the effects of infertility on a marriage are traumatic, we must not let this be an excuse to stop investing in our existing family unit. Protect your marriage!

Books coming up for 2011

2011-02-22T16:31:00.000+11:00

We've got some great books coming up.

March (contributor: Winnie Lau)

April (Bek Earnshaw)

May (Isobel Lin, Annabel Catto, Ruth Lee)
'Freedom Fighters' from 2 Peter 2.

June (Anna Moss)

July (Louise Keun)

August (Emma Pfahlert)

Sept

October (Ainsley Poulos)

November (Steph Swanton)

Just the two of us: Acknowledging the pain

2011-02-21T00:05:00.000+11:00

Most people don’t know how to handle bad news. It’s news, and it’s bad. What more do you need to know? No one wants to actually hear it, and so it is hardly surprising our reactions are so mixed. We can be dismissive (“Oh well, you can always adopt”), needlessly optimistic (“You will have a family one day”), instantly problem-solving (“How much money do you need?). Some people try to make light of the situation (“At least you had fun trying), others just don’t know what to say, and so say nothing at all. Most people don’t know how to handle bad news.

And what about personally? How do you respond to your own suffering? Are you able to quietly persevere? Or are you more likely to dwell in the pain and let it consume you?

It is helpful when it comes to infertility, to acknowledge the difficulty that it brings. Whilst for some it will be only for a short season, it doesn’t reduce the pain. For others, it will be a lifelong sadness which even if eventually embraced repesents a different course to that which they had hoped. Few respond immediately with optimism.

So how should we respond to bad news? Again, it is easy to diminish the real feelings of pain and anguish felt in the face of childlessness with glib theological truths. Infertility hurts. For most people infertility comes as a surprise, yet we are told in Romans 8:22-23 that the creation groans as we long for the return of Christ. We will be subjected to pain and frustration in this lifetime. And in the God-given desire for children, it is understandable that as we experience infertility, it will be painful. In our sadness, it may even be helpful and appropriate to seek professional help in order to understand and manage our feelings and anxieties. We must remember that even as we seek professional support, God continues to work within us to bring about his good plans for our lives, refining us into people more like Christ and making us long for eternity.

Did you find comfort as this chapter worked through Psalm 22? Were you able to empathise and identify with the cries of David (and subsequently Jesus)? When we feel abandoned by God, the Bible shows us that just as God answered David’s cries for help (Ps 22:24), so he hears ours. In our suffering we need to call out to God, know that he hears us, and ask that his purposes would be accomplished through our suffering.

With infertility (and by extension, other forms of suffering), we must first and foremost acknowledge the pain. The best response my husband and I have received in our struggle with infertility was when a dear friend said in reply, ‘I am so sorry for you’.

And yet as soon as we acknowledge our suffering, we can just as easily fall into inescapable self-pity. It is easy to play the victim. I’m very good at it, actually. When I suffer it is common for me to pity myself. I mope about thinking that I am the only one who suffers like this. I know that God is sovereign, but I feel like I’m on the receiving end of God’s deliberate attempts to make me suffer. I know that God ordains everything in my life, so why is he making me suffer like this? It sometimes feels like God has left me to suffer all on my own.

Again this can leave us feeling somewhat stuck in the middle. We acknowledge the pain of life in this world, but we are not paralysed by our mourning.

Just the two of us: So many questions

2011-02-16T17:55:00.000+11:00

Is it ever right to question God? Those facing infertility will almost inevitably have many questions arise from their situation. As the opening chapters of Just the two of us emphasised, just as there is no typical couple facing infertility, so there is also no typical response.

Perhaps you can already sense the internal struggle which many who find themselves in this boat go through. When our plans don’t match up with God’s, the process we go through to try and understand can cut to the heart of the way we view ourselves, our lives and how we understand God himself. Questions about providence, guidance, desire, godliness, wisdom, patience and faith may arise, and throughout this process of questioning, many mature Christians will wonder, is it right to even ask? When we first found out the news of our infertility, questions flooded in to my mind. “Why me?” “Who will look after us in our old age?” “If God wants what’s good for me, how does this fit into his goodness?” So many questions! And as Christians, the questioning rightly leads to God.

Is this a bad thing? Is it wrong to question God? How can we approach the questions infertility raises in a godly way? The authors of Just the two of us in chapters 2-4 provide a helpful method: placing our concerns within the broader framework of God’s dealing with humans.

In the midst of suffering it can be difficult to believe that God is good and wants what is good for us. God did create the world good and gave good gifts to humanity, as we see in Genesis 1-2. Children are a part of God’s good creation, and the desire to have children is a godly one. But the suffering we experience now and the good things that we feel we miss out on are a result of the fall (Gen 3). And “if we understand the consequences of the fall in Genesis 3, then we will consider it inevitable that our childlessness will be marked by deep frustration” (p34-35).
In my own frustration I have often tried to lean on my own strength and problem solve my way out of the situation. I like to feel independent and in control. What I have come to realise though, is that in every aspect of my life I need to submit to God. He wants what is best for me and nothing will ever satisy me as much as He will. God gives us life and sustains our life, and he cares to carry us through infertility too. But it can be hard to surrender to him, particularly when we may be feeling confused about our faith and be questioning God’s goodness.

One of the potential difficulties for people experiencing infertility is the high profile couples in the Bible who were infertile. If infertility is mentioned at all, it is usually in the context of God granting them relief from the barren womb to give them the long-hoped for child. This gives the ill-informed many an opportunity to give unhelpful counsel to those struggling with infertility. But it is helpful to see these biblical accounts as descriptive (describing what happened) rather than prescriptive (describing what everyone should expect). God’s purposes in giving children in the Scriptures is often especially in line with his plans for salvation.

To take one example, the bigger picture of Abraham and Sarah’s story was that their infertility was preventing God’s people from coming into being. If Abraham and Sarah did not have a child, there would be no descendants to lead us eventually to Christ. That would mean no salvation for us fallen sinners now. How great it is that God did give them Isaac (Gen 21:1-6)!

In the case of Abraham’s story, it is not to show us that if we have enough faith we will eventually have a child, it is to show us that God is faithful in keeping his promises and bringing about his plan to save humanity.

These chapters are my favourite in the whole book, and gave me much needed perspective on our childlessness. I saw the birth of Isaac to Abraham and Sarah in a new light – a blessing to them, a picture of God’s faithfulness, and a blessing to us now, as ultimately Jesus was born to bring forgiveness and eternal life. “God in his goodness teaches us that the main purpose of Isaac’s birth was not to relieve Abraham and Sarah of their childlessness. It was to provide me today with the possibility of a relationship with God” (p45). God has met our greatest need. What perspective!

At times it feels like my greatest need is to have a longed for child, but in his word God continues to show me that my greatest need is in fact to be made right with him by trusting in his Son, the one who brings new life to us. In Christ, God has given us everything we need.

Again I feel I must stop to highlight that though this is great news (the greatest news in fact!), there is the potential to be dismissive of the grief and pain of infertility. Treated coldly, even the great comfort of God’s redemption can be dismissive of what people go through, and what some will bear for their entire life on this earth. It is helpful to note that even though the emphasis is so often on God giving children, the pain before that joy is also often mentioned.

All too often we want to answer people’s questions with perfect Christian answers about God being in control and that all we need to do is trust him, however these responses can at times seem quite glib. Although true, we need to find the right balance between loving and comforting the couple where they are at, as well as providing spiritual nourishment. This is not to mention the advice such as “God will give you children”, and the numerous other personal stories recounted in the book of advice people have been given that is not at all biblical.

We have many questions and the only proper way to ask them of God is from the perspective of his great salvation through Jesus in which he pours out his love to us and has already blessed us in every way. And yet we stop again to realise that though there is great comfort in knowing every tear will one day be wiped, we must not be callous in the way we comfort those who shed tears in the meantime over godly desires which in God’s wisdom, for this season of life, he chooses not to give.

Just the two of us : The cold hard facts

2011-02-15T22:31:00.000+11:00

1 in 6. In Australia, 1 in 6 couples face infertility. Are you surprised by that number, or not? But more importantly would you be/have been surprised if that one out of six was you? Expectation is a hard thing to find the root of. For some of us it comes from our upbringing, or observations of others, or sometimes it comes through a sense of entitlement, of our rights. We all have hopes, and expectations for the future. But what happens when they’re dashed? What happens when what we thought was going to play out, doesn’t come to pass?

Growing up I had a picture of how I thought life would go, which I imagine might not be too different to many others. You grow up, find a man, get married, and have a baby. This expectation developed over my childhood as I watched fairytales, held pretend marriage ceremonies with friends and as I taunted others with the song, “X and Y sitting in a tree…” You know how the rest of it goes, right? “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby sitting in a carriage”. The baby is meant to follow marriage, just as night follows day.

Most people, for whatever reason, just don’t expect infertility is going to affect them. For some, infertility has nothing to do with medical issues. The grief of infertility is experienced by single men and women too, a group who are often not thought of when this issue is spoken about. It is difficult even to picture a typical infertile couple. I don’t think one exists! It can be an issue for a couple who are heading towards 40, those who delayed having children or got married later in adulthood, other couples live with a condition that affects their fertility. Some couples are young and healthy, with no obvious medical barriers to conceiving – such as my husband and I – yet are experiencing childlessness. There are also those who after having one child, struggle to conceive again. As I have come to realise, there are in fact many different reasons, and often a combination of factors that can become obstacles to a pregnancy. The introduction to “Just the two of us?” highlights some of these diagnoses, as well as introduces us to some of the feelings and attitudes associated with infertility. Clearly, there is no stereotype. Infertility is not black and white, but it is common.

1 in 6. What that number tells me is that there are many others out there who are facing this issue, however when you’re walking that road yourself it can seem like a lonely reality. According to this statistic, it is likely that there will be other couples in our church and our wider social networks who are experiencing childlessness in some form or another, but for any number of reasons we can still be left feeling isolated. Is it the intimate nature of the problem that makes it difficult to talk about? Perhaps there is a certain stigma attached to not being able to bear children? Maybe we, and others, find it just too painful to talk about? But, we are not alone.

One of the big eye openers in being open with family and friends about our infertility has been hearing so many stories about others who are in or been through similar situations. From the outside oftentimes we just see the end result, which through the mercy of God means for the majority of people is having children. But more and more people have shared with us their pains, heartaches, patience, impatience, and grief of infertility. But seeing people who have struggled and now have children is cold comfort to those going through the process of dealing with their own grief. There are no guarantees that God will choose to bless anyone with children.

When you are faced with infertility, your emotional well-being can take a real hit. It can be particularly distressing to see other infertile couples who appear to be dealing with it with much more grace and emotional stability. I know in my experience, I have often wondered whether I should just lighten up and not take the whole infertility thing too seriously. As I read through the reasons given for why infertility causes so much pain (p22-28), however, I am comforted to know that my response to this situation is not without good reason. When we received the first phone call from our GP, infertility did take me by surprise. I have been forced to reevaluate what expectations I had for the future that were not grounded in reality and the promises of God.

Just as there is no ‘typical’ couple experiencing infertility, so there is no ‘typical’ response. It is helpful to think on how language reflects our expectations for the future. How would you comfort someone experiencing the grief of infertility? Would you be tempted to say, ‘Just trust God’, or ‘Snap out of it’, or ‘God will give you children eventually’? Are these statements rooted in the promises of God? On what basis are these statements made?

The desire to have children is a good desire, and one that is pleasing to God. So is it right to grieve infertility? For those experiencing infertility, it is an ongoing grief. There is no chance to ‘snap out’ of it when you are reminded each month of what is missing, from always being aware of what ‘day of the month’ it is, to that expectation for a few days, only to constantly have your hopes dashed. As couples feel sad that their bodies are broken and don’t seem to ‘work’ properly, it is easy to see how they can feel weak in their faith and question God’s goodness in this situation.

1 in 6.

[Foot Note: Infertility refers to those who have not been able to conceive following a year of unprotected sex. The 1 in 7 statistic given (p17) refers to the UK population, whereas in Australia it is 1 in 6.]

Our story

2011-02-06T14:17:00.000+11:00

My husband and I had been married for two and a half years when we decided we would like to start expanding our family unit of two. The short story is we’ve recently celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary and we are still without children. The slightly longer version is that for the first three years of our marriage, with great anticipation we imagined what our lives would look like as each little child came along, and our excitement at the thought of becoming parents grew. However, after a year of trying we had not been able to conceive. We were not too concerned but had heard that it was standard to go to the GP for tests if nothing had happened after 12 months. When the results returned we learnt that as it stood, for us to achieve pregnancy was a physical impossibility. In no time at all we found ourselves sitting in the waiting room of a clinic waiting to see a fertility doctor to see if our situation could be improved. We felt shocked, confused and heartbroken all at once. The next 6 months saw us flung back and forth between a range of specialists and undergoing further testing and intervention. After this, conceiving naturally was now a possibility so we looked to the future with a little more hope than we originally had.

Now this is the place in all the blurbs on the back of fertility books, or ‘about the author’ in fertility articles online where they show the photo of the happy family with that inevitable caption ‘Jane Doe is now the mother of Little Billy and expecting her second child’. But that is not us. God might still have that picture in his mind of us for the future, but that day – if it ever comes – seems a long way off. Another year has passed, and my husband and I are still waiting, and still longing for a child.

So it is from this vantage point from where I will be blogging through our book for this month Just the two of us? Help and strength in the struggle to conceive. I am looking forward to reading it this month with you, whether you yourself are struggling to conceive, whether you’re supporting others in that situation, or whether you want to be well prepared for the time this kind of sadness intersects your own life.

I feel it is important to emphasise from the beginning that this forum is not primarily intended to discuss the merits or otherwise of assisted reproduction methods. Those discussions are important to have and will necessarily occur at points over these weeks. But to reduce the discussion of this book to the ethics of assisted reproduction has the potential to be cold and impersonal, let alone not a true reflection of the breadth of this book. It is my hope and prayer that reading Just the two of us? will instead focus on thinking through the implications for people dealing with infertility: what it means for the way we think about ourselves and the way we think about God, how to care for people in this situation, how to prepare ourselves for the hills and troughs of life, and how the gospel of salvation through faith in Jesus revealed through all the Bible speaks to all of life.

Meeting Sarah Cowling

2011-02-06T08:56:00.001+11:00

Sarah Cowling is our February contributor on EQUIP book club.
Sarah will be reviewing Just the two of us by Eleanor Margesson and Sue McGowan. It's about a special book about 'health and strength in the struggle to conceive'.

“I grew up in the lovely town of Tamworth, raised by my parents and alongside my younger brother. I first heard about Jesus at primary school Scripture, and decided to follow him in late high school, through the witness and encouragement of a close school friend.

I moved to Sydney after finishing school to complete a Speech Pathology degree. I enjoyed studying, as well as the teaching and fellowship of the university Christian group. I went on to work as a speech therapist in the respiratory and stroke units of a Sydney hospital. During my degree I had met and married my husband, Izaac, and in 2008/2009 a ministry apprenticeship saw us as part of the team at St Paul’s Carlingford, as well as returning to work with the students and staff at the Evangelical Christian Union on Cumberland Campus. My husband and I both completed our first year at Moore Theological College last year, and we will continue studying at college in 2011.

I love the fun, colour and eccentricity of living in Sydney’s inner west but also appreciate visiting our families in the country, trying new recipes, knitting and catching up with friends.”

Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor - Blog 4

2011-01-31T21:30:00.000+11:00

There are few things more encouraging than seeing a more ‘mature’ Christian who, though frail in body, spiritually-speaking is charging ahead for Christ.

We have several of these champions at church. They are such an encouragement to me! Their lives speak volumes about the glory of perseverance and the weight of faithfulness.

The last chapters of Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor touch on various elements of the last decades of Tom Carson’s life: the reshaping of his ministry when he steps back from leading the church in Drummondville; his extensive lay involvement in the church in Hull; his tender and devoted care of his wife and his ongoing blazing faithfulness to Christ right to the end of his life.

So many various things encouraged me from these chapters that I thought I’d stick to dot points, here are some of the highlights:

· God’s graciousness in swelling up revival in Quebec after decades of dryness – imagine prayer meetings till 1am!
· The reminder that our ministry structures (our meetings, youth groups, training courses) are not sacred – they there to be started and stopped for the sake of the kingdom;
· Tom’s simply beautiful care of his ailing wife (“She looked after me all my life, it’s my turn to look after her. And it’s a privilege.” P135); and
· Tom’s spiritual tenacity in his old age – he never gives up fighting viciously against sin and clinging to Christ.

Here’s a final excerpt:

When he died, there were no crowds outside the hospital, no editorial comments in the papers, no announcements on television, no mention in Parliament, no attention paid by the nation. In his hospital room there was there was no one by his bedside. There was only the quiet hiss of oxygen, vainly venting because he had stopped breathing and would never need it again.

But on the other side all the trumpets sounded. Dad won entrance to the only throne room that matters, not because he was a good man or a great man – he was, after all, a most ordinary pastor – but because he was a forgiven man. And he heard the voice of him whom he longed to hear saying, “Well done, good and faithful servant; enter into the joy of your Lord.” (p148)

The irony is, despite it’s title, after reading this book I think few people would call Tom Carson ordinary at all.

Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor - Blog 3

2011-01-24T15:15:00.000+11:00

What do you think it's like being a minister?

Apart from the sermon on Sunday, what do you think your minister gets up to during the week? Not just how does he spend his time, how do you think he spends his heart (if I can put it that way)? If you were to open his study door and crack open his thoughts, what would be his concerns, his passions and struggles?

Chapter 5, but even more so Chapter 6 is the reason why I recommended this book for EQUIPbookclub. They recount a particularly tough time in Tom's life and ministry "his own dark night of the soul" (p61). Carson opens the door of his Dad's study and finds a man on his knees, pleading for his people, wrestling with his own sense of failure and desperately dependant upon God's grace and strength.

I've found these chapters fascinating and challenging. In Ch 6, Carson includes large slabs of his Dad's journal. They are so raw, earnest and haunting in how they convey his struggles and doubts. Even his daily records of tasks, the people he visited, prayed for, the work he did, have been a rebuke to my own lack of discipline.

But to be honest, Ch 6 scared me. I'm heading to bible college next week and these chapters scared me with how tough ministry can be, the fact that all too often it is simply "slogging perseverance" (p75).

As you read these chapters, please pray for the ministers you know. Please also, however, take heed of Don Carson's reflections on pp92-96. These serve as quasi-correctives to Tom's overly negative view of himself. They also push you to God and his grace.

Ministry is hard. The Christian life is hard. It is a slog. But I was so comforted that from God's perspective (which ultimately, is reality) this slog is abundantly glorious, so we approach with boldness and do not give up (2 Corinthians 3:7-4:1). After all, if God is for us, who is against us? (Romans 8:31b).

Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor - Blog 2

2011-01-18T08:26:00.001+11:00

Persecution. Thankfully we don’t face a lot of it in Australia, but what if there comes a time when we do?

How can we point people towards the truth and rebut falsehoods without being unnecessarily confrontational?

What would you do if the police pulled you over for distributing tracts door to door, even though they had no basis for doing so?

How would you comfort your kids if you knew that their classmates had been told to ignore them because they trusted the gospel?

It’s so valuable being able to read flesh and blood examples of what this could look like in practice. This is what we see in chapter 3. I especially loved reading the extracts that Carson has included from the actual letters written at the time. It really brought home to me the reality of the situations. We may not think to of Canada as a place of persecution, but it’s striking to see such opposition in a country which in several respects (cultural, socio-economic) is so similar to our own. This chapter also renewed my faith in the effectiveness of door-knocking, scary as it can be.

While chapter 3 looks at obstacles on the outside, (in the form of persecution), chapter 4 examines obstacles on the inside (in the form of church disunity). There are few things uglier than Church politicking and disunity. It was so encouraging to see a real-life example of a man and his wife making gutsy, costly gospel decisions and responding to abuse with grace rather retaliation. I was especially touched by the quote on p60 where Tom explained that the reason his son not heard about the turbulent times they had faced was that Tom and his wife had vowed never to speak bitterly of the instigator. I must ask God to give me similar self control should I ever be in a similar situation, because I certainly don’t have it on my own!

Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor - Blog 1

2011-01-13T20:04:00.000+11:00

I love biographies. They are my genre of choice. My attitude is – “If I’m going to read something, it may as well be something true”. I love the biographies of the Christian ‘greats’. The Corrie Ten Booms, Spurgeons and Hudson Taylors.

But what about the Christian ‘ordinaries’? What about the majority of us who are not ‘great’? And what about the majority of pastors who are faithful, careful …but ultimately ordinary (in the nicest sense of the word)? Can we learn from them too?

In Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor, D.A. Carson suggests, and I think proves beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we can!

D.A. Carson is a champion theologian, prolific writer and popular conference preacher. However, Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor is no deep theological treatise. In this book, Carson tenderly lifts the curtain to show the life of an ‘ordinary pastor’ by providing a humble reflection on the life and ministry of his Dad – Tom Carson. What I have loved is that this book teaches the value of faithfulness, the true definition of success and the stunning character of perseverance in a way which I found 10 times more meaningful than if I had just been told it by an essay. Isn’t that so often the way with biographies?

So can I encourage you to grab a copy and get reading!

For those who are not particularly fond of history - don’t be put off by chapter 1, in which Carson sets the historical context of 20th century Canadian Quebec. There is something quietly fascinating about the remarkable changes that occurred during the period of Tom Carson’s ministry. And it got me thinking about the differences and similarities between cross cultural ministry over there (French-speaking Catholic vs English-speaking protestant) and in Australia (Chinese, Iranian, etc etc). Also, the consequences of this context keep boomeranging back through the rest of the book. So … enjoy!

Meeting Annabel Catto

2011-01-10T21:05:00.000+11:00

Annabel Catto is our January contributor on EQUIP book club.
Annabel will be reviewing Memoirs of an Ordinary Pastor by Don Carson.
It's a very different book to all his others!

"I was born and raised in Sydney. I started following Jesus by late high school (although it may have been earlier), and I'm so thankful to God for how he used my parents, local church and the uni Christian group to mature my faith.

I loved studying history and law at uni, and I loved practicing as a solicitor in the city. Nevertheless in 2008 I resigned and uprooted to begin a 2 year ministry apprenticeship at St Paul's Carlingford Group of Churches (which I loved!). In 2011, I'll be studying at Moore Theological College.

My parents and sisters are scattered between Sydney, Queensland and Kathmandu. But I like being able to keep in touch, as well as blue-sky crisp sunny days, market-shopping and spending time with friends."

PAULA'S TIPS

2010-12-15T16:42:00.001+11:00

PAULA'S TIPS - for people who suffer with depression/anxiety

Accept Help when it is offered and ASK for help when you need it (your spouse/partner, a friend, relative, work colleague, doctor, minister, your church, counselor, therapist etc). Even if you feel embarrassed asking for help or if you feel like a failure just try and push yourself to receive help or to ask for it outright. (I know this can be extremely challenging if people around you don’t understand depression/anxiety).

Exercise – it’s one of those things I hate starting but once I’m 10 minutes into it, I inevitably say to myself “why don’t I do this every day?” I am able to significantly reduce my anti-depressant medication if I am diligent with exercising every day for about 45 minutes to 1 hour. The exercise has to include some low impact cardio (like brisk walking) plus weight bearing exercise – just some small hand weights is fine. This particular exercising combination seems to work extremely well for me. It keeps my happy endorphins going for quite some time. Now, if you are reading this in the middle of a full blown depressive illness this paragraph will seem overwhelming to you right now – so just start with little steps. Even if you attempt to walk around the block just once a day for 5 minutes then work up to 10 minutes – that’s all you need to start with. After one week you will notice a significant difference in your mood.

Journal Writing - I find this very therapeutic. Venting how I am feeling especially if I’m angry seems to help. I usually start off ranting and raving. I purchased a journal from the Bible Society that has a line of Scripture at the bottom of every page so by the time I get to the end of the page I tend to stop ranting and raving after I’ve read one line of Scripture. I try and replace my negative thinking/feelings with Biblical truths like:-

“God loves me and is carrying me through this; I am God’s beloved adopted daughter because of what Christ has done for me; I am pure without blemish because of the blood of Jesus; The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want; Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow death, I will fear no evil because you are with me; Jesus said come to me all who labor and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest”.

I try and replace my negative thinking with some soothing Scripture. Sometimes I write a letter to God in my journal – it’s part of my prayer time. I pour out everything on the pages and give it all to God.

Learn to say NO without feeling guilty to help with your recovery (this is probably my most challenging tip to myself!)

PAULA’S TIPS - for people who are caring for people who sufferer from depression/anxiety (or would like to)

Enrol in the “Partners on Depression" course which will be run by staff from ANGLICARE's Personal Helpers and Mentors (PHaMs) program for 6 weeks at some Anglican churches in Sydney’s east throughout 2011. The course is for anyone who loves or cares for someone with depression, to help them understand the issues better, what is helpful, what's unhelpful and looking after yourself. (PHaMs is a Federal Government funded program for people aged 16 and over who have significant functional limitations as a result of mental illness. Participants work alongside a support worker on a journey of recovery, building on strengths and working towards goals that the participant identifies. Many different organisations run PHaMs programs throughout Australia. ANGLICARE runs PHaMs from its Bondi office throughout the eastern suburbs from Watsons Bay down to La Perouse. For more details ph 8362 3700 or email phams@anglicare.org.au)

Depression is not like a virus – it’s not like an illness you might have for 10 days and then you’re better after a double course of antibiotics – it doesn’t work like that. Often it’s two steps forward, then 1 step or sometimes 2 or 3 steps back. It does improve but takes time and patience.

Don’t keep asking “so are you better yet?” Most people recover from a depressive illness but some people may have to battle depressive ups and downs for the rest of their lives (I’m one of these people). Just like someone who has to “manage” diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol. Medication certainly helps as does diet and exercise but sometimes there’s a genetic factor or a pre-disposition to mental illness for a variety of reasons.

Offer practical support – eg mind their kids or other acts of service and DO NOT expect the favour to be reciprocated in the near future….perhaps ever! The hardest thing I find doing is accepting offers from other parents for a “play date” at their house with my kids because I know I can’t return the favour. Minding other people’s kids in the middle of a depressive relapse gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it. I can barely look after my own! Sometimes I have avoided or declined offers because I don’t want to explain my depression and I start thinking “they must think I’m so rude/selfish for not inviting their kids over to my house”. I recover very quickly if I have a couple of child free days during the school holidays.

Make a home cooked meal and deliver it. I would rather go to McDonalds Drive Thru every day then ask for someone to cook me a meal and I will rarely say yes to offers because I think other people are more deserving. I’ll never forget the day a women in my Bible Study group dropped off a meal for me unexpectedly when I was a brand new Christian suffering depression (she had 4 kids under the age of 6 at the time). I only had one child and I could not understand how she could find time to cook for me and her own family. I felt so incredibly loved by this act of service. I burst into tears after she left – tears of absolute gratitude.

Persevere with phone calls, text messages, emails etc. I find it difficult to talk to people or return phone calls when I’m depressed. Some people give up and probably think I’m quite rude. Even though I might not respond to emails/texts/phone calls, I really do appreciate the effort – it’s a small way of showing that you care. Don’t be offended if you don’t get a response. Just keep persevering in trying to show them you love and care for them.

PAULA’S TIPS - for Ministers/Church Leaders/Bible Study Leaders/Coordinators

I find volunteering for church crèche or holiday Sunday school a huge struggle even when I am not in a depression relapse. Often crèche triggers my anxiety – the sound of babies crying, kids screaming/arguing is very difficult for me. This was extremely difficult to explain to Christian leaders running crèche when I first started going to church as a brand new Christian 8 years ago. I kept being told that Christians are called to serve others in response to what Christ has done for us. The crèche leaders would say – everyone is expected to “have their turn it’s only twice a term etc” and “it’s good to serve others”. Most days I was lucky to make it to church at all but to have to endure crèche because of fear of judgment was excruciatingly painful. Sometimes I’d just lie or “chuck a sickie” so I wouldn’t have to do crèche – which is such a shame because it hindered me from coming to Bible Study. I lied to my Christian friends because I feared their judgment. They thought I was being selfish not wanting to take my turn and serve because I present really well on the outside - I don’t actually look depressed and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about my illness but on the inside I was in so much pain barley holding it together and consumed with self loathing every time I left church – I would often cry in my car the whole way home from Bible Study!

People suffering with depression/anxiety may or may not be able to “serve” in various Christian ministries. They want to but it might not be possible from time to time. Let it be there choice. Do continue to include them and ask them but encourage them also to say “no” without guilt. This is what my minister does for me now. He might ask me to do a particular job or ministry because he knows I can when I’m well but he is very clear at encouraging me to also say “no I can’t at the moment - not feeling well etc” without feeling guilty. This is so helpful with my recovery. He also doesn’t get disappointed when I say yes and then suddenly find I can’t continue with the job – which also happens from time to time. So I am now able to be honest with him without feeling judged (no more “chucking sickies” for me!)

This is my last Equip Book Club blog. Thank you so much for the opportunity to share my story – it has been an amazing privilege and blessing. God really is amazing! I hope you have gained some valuable insights and are better equipped as we face depression together.

Jesus said “Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28

With all my love in Christ

Paula ☺

Spiritual Depression - It's Causes and Cure

2010-12-11T17:25:00.000+11:00

The third article in Mathias Media’s MiniZine, Facing Depression Together, is actually a review by Jean Williams of a book called “Spiritual Depression - Its Causes and Cure” by Martyn Lloyd Jones. The book is made up of 24 sermons first published in 1965 from shorthand notes of a parishioner. I must admit I have not read nor had I heard of these sermons but after reading Jean William’s review I Googled “Martyn Lloyd Jones” and found this website to order the book online www.mlj.org.uk

This website review of the book says:-

“Drawing together his professional medical understanding of the human mind, profound knowledge of the Scriptures and compassionate pastor’s heart, this is classic Lloyd Jones at his peerless best. Originally preached at Westminster Chapel, this enduring collection of 24 sermons should form an essential part of any Christian’s library”.

So unfortunately I can’t review this book and a review of a book review seems weird so whilst I’m waiting for my airmail package to arrive, I would like to recommend another book I found extremely helpful by Dr Archibald D. Hart. It is called “The Anxiety Cure - you can find emotional tranquility and wholeness”. It is published by Thomas Nelson, Inc.1999 USA. It is a secular book by a world renowned psychologist who is also a Christian. In the first chapter, I was delighted to read “A message to Christian Readers” here he talks about Christians probably being more prone to developing a high level of stress. The author lists “The Ten Most Ridiculous Things You Can Say to a Person with Anxiety” and other very helpful sections such as “Does Scripture Condemn Anxiety?” and “The Consequences of Neglecting Gods Provisions”. What I specifically enjoyed was the layman language used to explain the role that brain chemistry, physiological responses and patterns of thinking play in an anxiety disorder. A friend from church lent me this book about 2 years ago – I still haven’t returned it because I keep re-reading it! (Sorry Archie!)

Here is Dr Hart’s “The Ten Most Ridiculous Things You Can Say to a Person with Anxiety (or to yourself for that matter)”

1. We all get anxious, so just pull yourself together.
2. If you would just relax more, your anxiety will go away.
3. Have you committed some sin that God is punishing you for?
4. You worry too much, and worry never changes anything.
5. If you just try harder you wouldn’t feel so stressed-out.
6. Just ignore your problems and they will go away.
7. Anxiety can’t kill you, so just snap out of it.
8. If you had more faith, you would stop worrying.
9. Take a holiday and all your problems will go away.
10. If I can cope with my life, you should be able to cope with yours.

Happy reading!

Do's and don'ts when dealing with the downcast - Review

2010-12-02T20:12:00.000+11:00

STOP THE PRESS! Go straight to the photocopying room with Mark Baddeley’s article “Dos and don’ts when dealing with the downcast”. Enlarge it 100%, photocopy it on A3 poster size paper and stick it on the front doors of all churches EVERYWHERE!

Reading this article was a huge relief for me. The author has captured precisely how I feel in church in the midst of a depressive relapse. I found myself underlining, highlighting and writing encouraging words in the margin like “YES! Finally! Brilliant! At last - thank you God! Thank you so helpful!”

Mark’s introductory paragraph grabbed my attention:-

“Recently, a long-term friend of mine surprised me. He’s a believer, who has had a harder-than-average road to walk. That, combined with some bad Christian teaching and an inherent susceptibility to depression, has finally created a perfect storm of mental ill health.”

What surprised Mark was that his friend had to avoid his Christian friends and family whilst in the process of recovering from a depressive/anxiety breakdown. Why? Because they call on him to “trust God” or “place yourself in God’s hands”. They exhort him. So what’s the problem with doing that? Mark explains in his friend’s world he is in darkness, overwhelmed with burdens, he is barely standing up under the weight of just being himself so if you add an exhortation to the load like “trust God” you give him one more thing to whip himself with as he judges himself to not be trusting God.

I understand what the author is saying - sometimes in the middle of a major depression relapse exhortations can make me feel worse. Mark continues:-

“The person can’t do it, but already thinks they should. So your exhortation adds to the litany of failures that is usually part of the ‘self-talk’ of someone who is overcome by anxiety or depression.”

As I have been writing my blogs over the past 4 weeks, I have been having a re-occurring dream – well more like a nightmare. I’m naked in Luna Park – hiding behind a pillar watching people in very formal black tie clothing on the rides as I desperately try and find something to cover up my nakedness.

I am feeling very exposed writing these blogs for a predominately Christian readership. I am writing primarily to help eliminate the stigma in churches attached to depression and other related mental illnesses and to be a voice for Christians with depression. As a consequence I am feeling extremely exposed, my emotions are very close to the surface. As I write and share I am remembering how I felt 8 years ago in hospital with post natal depression and all the pain and memories associated are re-surfacing. I’m also remembering things from my past which contributed to my illness in the first place. Just like Mark’s friend “who has had a harder-than-average road to walk .…and an inherent susceptibility to depression”.

All of these experiences of late contributed to a mild panic attack in my Bible Study Group last Tuesday morning. I wanted to run as far away as possible - out of the church building to endure my panic attack silently (which is normally what I do in the church toilet when I’ve missed the opportunity to curb the attack). It has been years since I’ve had one. Instead of running away, I decided to stay with my group and tried to articulate how I was feeling and why.

I’m not sure how many people in my bible study group has ever actually seen a public panic attack – but by the looks on their faces, probably not many! I recovered from this one quickly thanks to God and years of practice of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Later that night, I was so embarrassed and worried that I may have offended my group by articulating how I was feeling. I actually swore in the middle of it! I was also concerned how they will treat me the next time they see me – there might be awkwardness. They might not know what to say or they might say the wrong thing or decide I’m just too hard to deal with because they don’t know what to do or say.

I could barely sleep that night. I hated myself for about 24 hours – completely full of self loathing. I’m not sure I would have felt these extreme feelings in front of my non-Christian friends. Because I know they’re not going to say to me later “don’t be anxious about anything but in everything, …..give all your concerns to God and you won’t have a panic attack!” Or “just trust God”. Although it is well meaning advice and all Scripture is indeed helpful – exhortations like these can make me feel worse. I know these scripture verses already by heart. I understand them intellectually but in the middle of my illness I just can’t do it so I feel like a failure.

I agree with Mark’s recommendation of what you can DO to help people with depression or anxiety and that is to carry others’ burdens, pray for them out loud and offer comforting scripture like “God will carry you”, “God loves you” etc. Mark explains:-

“So rather than encouraging them to pray, you pray for them, and as best as possible try and express their feelings and perspective to God, and hand the problem to God. Do that with them present. Acknowledge and give dignity to their downcast experience by articulating it in prayer.”

I am blessed to have a very special friend, Jenny who prays for me out loud all the time – even over the phone if I’m in a bad way. She just listens and prays for me based on what I’ve just vented to her. She then tells me how great God is, how much God loves me, how He is holding me, how I am His adopted daughter because of what Christ has done for me. She assures me I am pure without blemish because of the blood of Jesus. She doesn’t tell me what to do. She tells me what God does for me. Not only does she carry my burdens, she articulates my needs in prayer when I don’t have anything left in me to pray for myself. She reminds me how much God loves me and how He will carry me through this trial as he does every trial.

So after you’ve finished hanging up your A3 size photo-copy of the “Dos & don’ts when dealing with the downcast” on the front door of your church, go and sit next to your friend with depression and really listen to them so you can carry their burdens. DON’T judge them and tell them what to do. DO give them a big hug, pray for them out loud and remind them how great God’s love is.

“Pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge”. Psalm 62:8

Trusting in the Dark - Review

2010-11-21T22:51:00.000+11:00

“Start the conversation!” That’s the main objective of Matthias Media’s new Minizine “Facing Depression Together”. I couldn’t agree more! To encourage our churches to talk more openly and transparently about the issues surrounding depression and anxiety would be extremely helpful, encouraging and quite frankly - a breath of fresh air. Bring it on!

There are three articles in this “Minizine”, the first article is written by Paul Grimmond “Trusting in the Dark”- Some biblical reflections on depression and anxiety.

Paul Grimmond is the only minister I have personally heard of admitting publicly by way of this article, to have suffered from anxiety/depression. So on behalf of all Christians struggling with depression, THANK YOU Paul, from the bottom of my heart for being so brave, honest and transparent. I’m sure there are thousands more out there given one in six people will suffer from depression at some time in their life. Surely people in fulltime Christian ministry are not immune to depression? Quite the contrary.

Do we lay people expect our Christian leaders to be “above” depression? Are our expectations of ministry leaders so distorted that they have to keep silent in their suffering because of our judgment or our misconceptions of depression? That’s as futile as saying Christian ministers should be immune to cancer or any other form of suffering!

I am 39 years old - have been a Christian for 8 years and have often found the subject of depression in church quite a taboo subject – frowned upon even. People are scared to talk openly about it for fear of being judged and also the many misconceptions and lack of understanding surrounding depression and anxiety illnesses. Also the fear of well meaning but very unhelpful advice from other Christians. (I’ll talk about this more in next week’s blog).

The stigma associated with depression seems to have improved in the secular world with recent campaigns such as “Beyond Blue” “NSW’s Mental Health Awareness Month”, “The Black Dog Institute” and “Anglicare’s Personal Helpers & Mentors Program” but from my own personal experience the stigma is still prevalent in our churches.

As a brand new Christian - 8 years ago, someone in my church said to me “be careful not to air your dirty laundry in church - they will judge you” - referring to my depression and other related issues. Another Christian said to me “depression is a very selfish illness and hurts many people you should repent”! No wonder it’s a taboo subject. No wonder it’s difficult for ministers to admit it publicly. Lets help change that culture together. Let’s just “Start The Conversations”!

Paul Grimmond writes in this article:-

“If God’s word is sufficient for us to know him and live as his people in this world, then we must trust that the gospel contains the resources required by those who are wrestling to honour God in the midst of their depression and anxiety.”

I agree - turning to God’s word and message of salvation is always a good idea and extremely helpful in any situation but I have to say we need the body of Christ too – God’s people, friendship, support, mentors, acts of service, encouragement, bearing each others burdens, a safe place to be honest and transparent without fear of judgment or unhelpful advice. We also need good psychological strategies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and sometimes medication. If God is the creator of all things he has also created CBT and Prozac. I thank God every day for my antidepressant medication. If I did not take my medication I would probably be hospitalized or dead – away from my children, family and unable to contribute anything to this world. God’s word is indeed sufficient but just praying or reading my Bible alone, does not make my depression more manageable – all of these things combined help me honour God in the midst of my depression and anxiety.

I believe there is an added layer of guilt to those suffering depression who work in full time ministry. When I’m having a “season” of depression, I reduce my workload and church ministries quite considerably sometimes completely. I don’t think our fulltime ministers have the luxury to do that in our current church culture. There seems to be this expectation for them to just keep going regardless – “sheer stubbornness” as Paul Grimmond’s friend expresses how he manages to persevere in public ministry in the midst of a depressive illness. But as a consequence, they can burn out very quickly. Perhaps we laity need to take on more responsibility to relieve that pressure and have realistic expectations of our ministers – they are not super human whether they suffer from depression or not!

“Trusting in the Dark” will be particularly encouraging to people working in fulltime ministry who have suffered depression. Paul’s honesty and personal insights into his own motives and self assessments is truly inspiring.

Here’s another very thoughtful and honest quote from Paul Grimmond’s article I could really relate to this. Unfortunately I have had to learn this the very hard way:-

“God cares about whether I am being godly in all of my life; he knows whether I am chasing the pleasure of men or his good pleasure. That is why I am now very wary about immediately answering anyone who asks me to undertake a significant commitment. I know that my overwhelming desire to please the one asking and to feel the pride that goes with undertaking a visible and important task drive me to say yes. But space for prayerful evaluation allows me to reflect on whether my commitment to the task will actually be good for my godliness and the godliness of others. Delaying my response nearly always results in a better decision.”

Delaying and praying about decisions relating to various ministry requests in church has also helped me in my recovery from depression and anxiety. Learning to say “no” without guilt is a great step towards recovery. The bible talks about seasons – sometimes my seasons with depression means I can’t implement the ministry ideas I come up with or I can’t serve others how I would like to. This can be difficult for people around me who have worked and lived with me when I am in a “well” season. All of a sudden, all productivity ceases including parenting….sometimes I see and feel the depression coming and I can implement strategies to curb it, other times it hits me like a semi-trailer!

The article also refers to a recent Canadian study:-

“….it is an accepted fact that religious involvement significantly decreased the likelihood of suicide. A recent Canadian study suggests that this decrease isn’t just because of the increased social support resulting from being part of a community?

In light of this comment, I guess I’m a walking, talking example of how the Holy Spirit has worked in me to keep me alive. Occasionally I still have mild thoughts of suicide – eg “I’d be better off dead - I am such a burden to everyone, I can’t stand the pain anymore” but God’s love for me through His Holy Spirit (my helper) turns me back to His precious Word – like balm to my soul. Let it be balm to yours too.

“The eternal God is your refuge and his everlasting arms are under you”. Deuteronomy 33:27

Jesus said “Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28

Facing Depression Together….together let’s just Start The Conversations – today!

Paula’s story with ongoing depression

2010-11-15T23:39:00.001+11:00

Trusting in Jesus does not necessarily take away a depressive illness or any other illness for that matter. Trusting in Jesus will however, definitely help you get through it.

So let me start by clearly stating - just because someone is going through depression or has an anxiety disorder DOES NOT mean they are not trusting in God or not reading their bible or not praying enough. That would be just as stupid as saying to someone who has high blood pressure or high cholesterol you must not be trusting in God enough or reading your bible enough or not praying enough, or you would not have high blood pressure or high cholesterol!

What are the chances of being asked to do a book review on “Facing Depression Together” in the middle of a depression/anxiety relapse? Apparently quite high! God really does have a sense of humour and perfect timing. A depression relapse is extremely inconvenient but so incredibly humbling. Just when I thought I was forgetting what it was like to have full blown depression, I am suddenly immersed in a paralyzing episode.

The last 12 months have been quite stressful for my family. My husband was suddenly retrenched and then unemployed for 6 months at the same time my mother-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was in and out of several hospitals for treatment before passing away in April this year. I had to have an operation then my hair started to fall out for no reason and then I found I lump in my breast after my aunt found a pre-cancerous lump in her breast! No wonder my antidepressants had stopped working just as I was asked to do this blog.

Here’s an extract from my diary at the time:

“11th July 2010.
Third week of school holidays. At the moment I am struggling to do the bare essentials at home like putting my clothes on, having a shower and cooking a meal. My kids have had McDonalds 3 times this week. (Hope DOCS doesn’t find out!) I am so disappointed in myself for feeling this way. I feel like a failure. I have been fighting it for months and have finally succumbed. I feel such emotional pain after attending church or bible study. Pain from not connecting with people. So lonely. Feeling worse after spending time there. I just feel so disconnected. I feel so flat. Can’t stop crying. I can’t leave the house with the kids because the stress of not being able to control them is overwhelming. My arms have been tingling all day and I have a stress headache. I feel like a failure. Don’t want to tell anyone at church because they will not understand and will judge me.”

Question: So how does someone in the middle of a depression relapse in July, respond to a request to write a blog on “Facing Depression Together” in November? Here are my choices:-

a. Yes - I’ll do it (code for I am feeling really normal today but I will probably have to pull out at the last minute and let you down)
b. No - I can’t (code for yes I can but don’t want to disappoint you in case my relapse is a really long one)
c. Yes - I would love to but I’m currently in middle of relapse so don’t know how I will be feeling in November – can you ask me again in October (code for I’m being very honest but slightly embarrassed and I’ll probably never be asked to do any ministry again for the rest of my life…)

Answer: C

So here I am writing a blog not 100% better but substantially improved since July – I am still not at full capacity but content to just do the things I can do when I can. When I am really well I can do 100 things at once and I’m very productive on so many levels. But when I struggle with depression I just have to see what happens day by day. This can make “serving” as a Christian in church very difficult. On the outside I can appear really well and people assume I’m at full capacity and ask me to be on every committee but on the inside I’m a total mess just treading water. The guilt and sense of failure associated with not being able to serve as I would like to, is overwhelming sometimes.

Having a depression relapse has actually been a blessing in disguise and very humbling. I have surprisingly been able to thank God for this round of sickness as it forces me to my knees and brings me closer to Him (it also gives me great content for this week’s blog!) I have no where else to go but to Jesus! “He is my rock and my fortress; for His name’s sake He leads me and guides me (Psalm 31.3).

I just have to keep clinging to these beautiful words: “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.(Matthew 11:28)

Paula's story with depression

2010-11-06T20:05:00.000+11:00

I spent most of my life searching for God in all the wrong places and I spent most of my 20’s working hard and partying even harder, binge drinking, partying all night, trying to numb the emptiness inside. I dabbled in astrology, new age philosophies, clairvoyance, crystal healing, guardian angels, meditation, and self help books – tying to find the answers. I investigated Buddhism and Judaism – never finding what I was truly looking for and hoping for.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was identified at the maternity hospital as being at high risk for Post Natal Depression. Despite following recommended strategies, after I stoped breastfeeding my baby at 5 months I went down hill very quickly. Breastfeeding kept my hormones in line and as soon as I stopped I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown.

I started smoking excessively and drinking heavily to cope with the high levels of anxiety. I didn’t know I was depressed because I didn’t feel sad. I felt extremely anxious, I couldn’t sleep and I was having panic attacks. I couldn’t leave the house. I found driving almost impossible and I struggled just to feed my baby, change the nappy, doing the most basic tasks became a huge challenge. I felt like I couldn’t cope with life and wanted to end my life – I felt I had no hope.

I had tried everything – self help books, meditation, positive thinking, and cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT) which is extremely effective in the early stages but I was way beyond that. My thoughts of ending my life became so excessive and constant that I was hospitalised for 6 weeks at St John of God Private Psychiatric Hospital at Burwood. That was the lowest point of my life. I was completely broken. I felt like such a failure being there. I was someone who prior to being diagnosed was considered a high achiever, ambitious, successful - a perfectionist.

Fortunately I received fantastic care in hospital by the team of medical staff and particularly by a hospital chaplain, Barry. When I was “checking in” to hospital and filling out all the admin forms one of the questions asked if I wanted chaplaincy care? So I ticked “yes” to that box only because I was so desperate to get well and frankly I was prepared to receive any care they were offering!

Barry met with me daily and prayed with me and read the Bible to me. He invited me to the hospital chapel weekly service. He gave me comforting Psalms to read about “God being my Shepherd” and “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me” and Barry went on to explain God’s love for me through his son Jesus.

There was a statue in the hospital garden of Jesus with his hands outstretched almost beckoning me to come to him. As a sat under the statue chain smoking, feeling such emptiness and despair, I read some life changing words I had been given by Barry. These words were:-

Jesus said “Come to me all who labour and are heavy burdened and I will give you rest.”

As I read those words I looked up at the statue and just wanted to hug it! Now keep in mind I’m in a psychiatric hospital – so they already think I’m nuts! What did I have to lose? So I hugged the statue….but it was cold and hard I didn’t want the statue of Jesus I wanted the real Jesus! I wanted this statue of Jesus to come to life wrap His arms around me and say “It’s ok Paula, I’ve got you now”. Suddenly I wanted that “rest” Jesus was offering. At the time I would have been happy for a good night sleep “rest” but Jesus didn’t give me what I wanted He gave me what I needed and that is enteral rest - eternal life - eternal peace.

That was 8 years ago. My whole life has been completely turned around. I have been transformed in everyway. Believing in Jesus doesn’t take away depression. I still have it and I take medication every day. Having suffered depression prior to believing in Jesus I had no hope and now as a Christian with depression - Jesus gives me great hope and strength to keep going and most importantly to keep living. Faith in Jesus gave me the courage to have another child – even though statistically the chances of postnatal depression were extremely high.

My husband, Gary saw significant changes in me and a year after my conversion, he started coming to church with me. Initially just once a month and 12 months later he also put his trust in Jesus! We are now together raising our beautiful children, Joshua and Olivia to follow Jesus too!

Although I wouldn’t wish depression on anyone, having postnatal depression is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. It completely broke me, brought me to my knees and into the loving arms of Jesus! What a joy it is to be saved – to have that beautiful rest that Jesus offers. Praise God!

Meeting Paula Vouris

2010-11-01T21:01:00.000+11:00

Over November, Paula Vouris will be reviewing 'Facing Depression Together'. Paula will kindly share some of her story with depression. But here's a quick intro.

"I'm 39 and live in Randwick, though 'home' growing up was Panania (Sydney's South West). I've been married to Gary 10 years, and we have 2 children Joshua (8) and Olivia (6).

I became a Christian 8 years ago at St John of God Private Psychiatric Hospital in Burwood after suffering from severe postnatal depression with Josh. And then my husband became a Christian a year after me. (I'll tell you more in my next blog).

My biggest passions are: 1. Telling people how I became a Christian 2.The mighty South Sydney Rabbitohs! My biggest achievement was: Giving birth once and then 2 years later, doing it again!

I have a background in event management and currently do volunteer work for my local church – eg Easter Outreach Picnic and 150th Church B’day Outreach Party! Last year I was a Volunteer Connect09 Regional Ambassador for Sydney Anglicans working for Andrew Nixon. I was on the organizing team for the “Inspiring People” Sydney CBD Outreach events. There was 15 events in 3 weeks and the guest speakers were high profile Australian Christians talking about what “inspires” them ie Jesus! My job was to persuade all 35 potential speakers to participate in these events and lock them into a date and coordinate them with other speakers on the panel (I was in a constant state of prayer for 3 months!)

Part of my ambassador role was to give my testimony to many regional churches in Sydney and tell people how important it is to connect with people in their local community – I gave my testimony many times and told church leaders how difficult it was for me to go to church because I did not know anyone who was a Christian or even anyone who went to church and I was frightened to enter the church buildings on my own."

Facing Depression Together

2010-11-01T20:59:00.000+11:00

Our November book is a short MiniZine from Matthias Media called 'Facing Depression Together'. It's a very helpful booklet, and it only costs $2.50.

"Depression is a black pit for the sufferers and no fun for the carers. But on this side of Jesus’ return, it will continue to be a feature of church life. This MiniZine is designed to help churches and Bible study groups talk about the issues involved with facing depression and anxiety as Christians, and reflect on them from the perspective of God’s gospel.These articles will encourage all involved to keep looking to God and acting with grace and wisdom in the face of discouragement and despair."

Respectable Sins: Chapters 20 "Wordliness"

2010-10-28T21:27:00.003+11:00

Chapter 20 is all about a cross centred life. A life that is shaped by the cross rather than by the world. Worldliness isn’t a particular behaviour but rather a way of thinking about all of life in which we become moulded and shaped by the world’s thinking and it’s way of doing life, rather than being transformed by what God says and Jesus had done. It’s no surprise then that we start tolerating and “normalising” behaviours the world worships, values and accepts, but bring no honour to God.

Bridges says worldliness is “a preoccuption with the things of this temporal life…it’s accepting and going along with the values and practices of society around us without discerning if they are Biblical.” (p174)

Worldliness, like all sin, is a heart condition. John says in 1 John2:15-17,
” Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Worldliness is a sin of our affections, of our loves and desires. It’s not a matter of resisting matter , but a matter of the heart, requiring heart surgery to change loves and desires. That’s demanding work for a surgeon and painful for the patient !

“And it’s a life long battle. We must resist it’s influence until our dying breath. However it isn’t a battle fought by sheer willpower or teeth-gritting self-denial. We can’t overcome worldliness on our own. We are not sufficient. A much greater strength is required. But take heart! All that we need to overcome worldliness has been provided for us. The antidite to worldliness is the cross of Jesus Christ. Only through the power of the cross of Christ can we successfully resist the seduction of the fallen world. The saviour’s death on the cross is what makes possible forgivenes of sins and provies power to overcome sin. And the cross is the attraction that draws our hearts away from the empty and deadly pleasures of worldliness.” (“Worldliness – Resisting the Seductions of the Fallen World”, CJ Mahaney, Crossay, 2008. p33)
Bridges likewise encourages us to combat unworldliness, not by deciding not to be worldly, but to be committed to an increasing affection for God that will expel from our hearts our affection for the things of this world (p175).

There’s a great final chapter in “Worldliness” looking at how we can love the world in a way that affirms God’s love for the world. Jeff Purswell suggest we enjoy the world, engage the world and evangelise the world.

In what ways might a “respectable worldliness” be present in your life in the areas of money, immorality and idolatory? And what about a respectable worldliness towards media and music, technology, our homes and clothes?

In “Worldliness”, CJ Mahaney asks a couple of helpful diagnostic questions - “What dominates your mind and stirs your heart? Is it discontent with your life? Longings for earthly pleasures? Does outward prosperity appeal to you more than growth in godliness? Is your prayer life characterised by heartfelt supplictions for God’s will to be done and his kingdom to come? Do you relate to God as if he exists to further your selfish ambitions or are you convinced that you exist to glorify him?” (p27)

When I Survey The Wondrous Cross
(Isaac Watts 1674-1748)

When I survey the wondrous cross
on which the Prince of Glory died;
my richest gain I count but loss,
and pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
save in the death of Christ, my God;
all the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to his blood.

See, from his head, his hands, his feet,
sorrow and love flow mingled down.
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet,
or thorns compose so rich a crown.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were an offering far too small;
love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all.

Respectable Sins: Chapters 17-18 "Envy, Jealousy and Related Sins" and "Sins of the Tongue"

2010-10-24T17:54:00.001+11:00

The respectable sins we’re thinking about in these chapters particularly resonate with women. I’m sure they’re an issue for men too, but they seem to be a particular struggle for women. God saves us into a family of brothers and sisters in Christ, but so often we envy our sisters rather than honour them. We have God-given skills with words and all things verbal, but our sinful nature means we struggle to glorify God with our tongues.

Throughout “Respectable Sins” Jerry Bridges has frequently taken the time to define the sins he’s addressing in our lives. He explains (p151) that definitions help us to see the subtle distinctions between sins. When we recognise the subtleties of different sins, then we may see more clearly the presence of these sins in our lives and hearts.

So there’s godly wisdom in taking the time to reflect on these definitions. Rather than just powering through the book, maybe we could slow down, pray, think and reflect on our lives with the humility to to consider whether any of these sins are evident in our lives and hearts.

Chapter 18 Envy, Jealousy and Related Sins
Envy, Bridges suggests, is the painful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by someone else, perhaps leading us to covet that advantage. I’ve noticed women struggle with envy in relationships, envying other women’s friendships, family and marriage relationships.

Jealousy is the sin of not tolerating rivals, as Saul was jealous of David and the the Jews in Antioch were jealous of Paul and Barnabas.

And competitiveness is the urge to win, or be the best, whatever the cost. Competitive spirit becomes sinful when the desire to win outstrips the desire to honour God. This can be a struggle for young or immature Christian leaders.

Are these sins evident in your life? Can you see them in your children? If we can see these sins in their lives, then there’s a good chance they’re also a part of our lives!

And the sin of being controlling, rather than submissive. This is a tricky one, especially for those in positions of leadership. But our example of how not to be controlling is Jesus, who led by serving, giving and submitting himself to God, seeking his honour and glory.

Did you notice that once again Bridges points us to the character of God as a starting point for dealing with these sins? When we grasp that God, who is perfectly, and always, wise and good, gives us our abilities, and in his wise sovereignty determines the results and outcomes of our use of those talents, then we’ll start to be content with our lot and more willing to honour the achievements of others and thank God for what he’s given them.

Chapter 19 Sins of the Tongue
Most Christian women are all too aware of the sins of the tongue, but maybe it’s helpful for us to be reminded of the many forms in which these sins can occur. And since these sins are so acceptable and commonplace among our unbelieving friends, family and work colleauges, maybe we need to encourage each other to “Just Do It!” when it comes to dealing seriously with the speech sins of the saints, recognising they are offensive to God and not tolerated by him.

Gossip, lying, slander, acritical speech, harsh words, insults, sarcasm, ridicule – any words that tear down rather than build up – are all sin, in God’s eyes, if not the world’s. If we’re struggling to identify these these sins in ourselves, Bridges suggests we try asking our family to help us pinpoint them in our life. That’s confronting, but an excellent suggestion, because our hearts are deceitful (Jer 17:9) and keener to recognise sin in others than in ourselves.

Our challenge is not only to be “putting off” the speech associated with our old sinful self, but to be “putting on” speech that build up, words that speak life and forgiveness (Eph 4:20-32).

Bridges has a couple of helpful suggestions –
* Rather than disguising our gossip as “sharing matters for prayer”, why not just pray privately about the matter? Prayer is answered bcause of God’s character, not the numbers of people praying.And gossip disguised as prayer is hardly the prayer of the upright that pleases God (Prov 15:8)!
* Try asking yourself, before speaking about others “Does this need to be said at all?” and “Will this build up or tear down lives?”
* If difficult words need to be spoken, then take the time to think ”How can I say this in a way that will build up and not tear down?”
* And finally, Bridges suggests we pray, as David did, for both our mouths and our hearts,

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditatiosn of myheart be acceptabel in your sight , O LORD my rock and my redeemer. (Psalm 19)

And it’s exactly because God, in Christ, is our redeemer, and through Christ we receive his powerful Spirit, that we have the resources to deal with these sins!(Romans 8:1-17)

Respectable Sins: Chapters 15-16 "Anger and the Weeds of Anger"

2010-10-22T16:53:00.001+11:00

In these chapters we’re dealing with sins most of us would affirm are not pretty. It’s pretty ugly to be around angry people. But, as Bridges says, it’s a universal problem, across all cultures. We now have road rage, trolley rage, surf rage and airline rage. Do you remember the flight attendant who , furious with passengers who refused to follow his instructions, told them off over the loudspeaker before snatching a beer from the galley, pulling the chute to make his own dramatic personal emergency exit, running to the employee parking lot and leaving the airport in a car he had parked there.

In May 2006 The Sunshine Coast Daily asked “What on earth is making everyone so angry?” , commenting “Often this violence is condoned with an underlying message that it’s all right to be violent if you are in the right” and concluding “Well, everyone thinks they’re in the right.”

Anger is now so commonplace and accepted that it’s the stuff of humour.

In chapters 15 and 16 Bridges urges us to “focus on that aspect of anger that we unconsciously treat as acceptable…the ordinary anger that we sort of accept as part of our lives but that is actually sinful in the sight of God ”.

If we’re continually angry,or physically or verbally abusive, he urges us to seek professional help. But there’s still lots more we can work on ourselves in the area of respectable anger!

Some highlights from these chapters -
“In facing up to our anger we need to realise that no-one else causes us to be angry. Someome else’s words or actions may become the occasion for our anger , but the cause lies deep within us – usually our pride , or selfishness or desire to control.”(p122). Again, a reminder to us that “the heart is deceitful above all things”(Jer 17:9) and that sin is a heart disease requiring heart surgery, not a DIY renovation job.

When we face the challenge of whether to choose to walk by the Spirit or to indulge the sinful nature, it’s so important that we are “mindful of God”(1Peter2). By this Bridges means we need to remind ourselves of the character of God. If we’re familiar with the character of God, as revealed in the story of His salvation. Then when life is tough, scary, distressing, confusing or challenging we’ll be better equipped to remind ourselves of God’s sovereignty, perfect timing, providence, goodness, wisdom, love and generosity to his people. Knowing the character of God gives me the confidence to entrust myself to him, knowing he is working out his good and wise purposes, rather than become controlling, anxious, frustrated and bitter, building up to anger.

Bridges alerts us to the “offshoots” of anger, or the sins asociated with anger – bitterness, clamour, wrath, slander, malice, obscene talk, resentment, enmity and hostility, and grudges and strife. They sound awful listed like that, don’t they! They too need to be resisted and “put off”.

How to Handle Our Anger? Bridges suggests we recognise and acknowledge it, ask why we became angry, repent of the anger and any associated pride, selfishness or idolatory, then change our attitude to the situation or person who triggered the anger (notice he doesn’t say who caused the anger!). He suggests we seek the forgiveness of the person we have wounded by our anger. If we have been the object of someone’s anger, and become angry, then we need to hand over the situation to God.

Changing my attitude to the situation or person who triggered my anger is hard work for my sinful heart but in chapter 16 (p133-139) Bridges suggests 3 principles – first, develop a firm belief in the sovereignty of God, then pray that God will enable me to pursue brotherly love that covers a multitude of sins and does not keep a record of wrongs, and thirdly, develop a humble realisation that, in comparison to my brothers sin against me, I am the ten-thousand-talent debtor to God.

Bridges acknowdledges that believers can and do have times of anger towards God. But he encourages us to recognise these occasions as the sins they are, and repent of them. Again, a solid grasp of the character of God, in the Bible, especially his providence, goodness, wisdom and his forgiveness and mercy will help equip us for those times when we’re angry with God and what he is doing in our lives or the lives of others.

Feeling overwhelmed? Let’s read again the words of Paul to us as we struggle to take off sin. It’s only in Christ and through the power of the Spirit that we can “put off” our sin. In Romans 8 Paul assures us -
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit… So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.

A Debtor To Mercy
A debtor to mercy alone, of covenant mercy I sing;
I come with Your righteousness, on my humble offering to bring;
The judgments of Your holy law, with me can have nothing to do
My Savior’s obedience and blood hide all my transgressions from view.

The work which Your goodness began the arm of Your strength will complete;
Your promise is yes and amen and never was forfeited yet.
The future or things that are now no power below or above
Can make You Your purpose forego or sever my soul from Your love.

My name from the palms of your hands, eternity will not erase;
Impressed on Your heart it remains, in marks of indelible grace.
Yes I, to the end will endure, until I bow down at Your throne,
Forever and always secure, forever and always secure,
Forever and always secure, a debtor to mercy alone

Music by Bob Kauflin
Lyrics by Augustus M Toplady (1740-1778)
As recorded on Upward
© 1998 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI).

Respectable Sins: Chapters 12-14 "Selfishness", "Lack of Self Control" and "Impatience and Irritability"

2010-10-21T08:37:00.001+11:00

I’ve grouped these chapters together because they’re the ugly sins that arise when we believe that “It’s All About Me!”.

By now I’m guessing we’re all very aware that “Respectable Sins” is not an easy read. It’s very alarming, sobering and confronting to be reflecting on our sinfulness, in the light of God’s holiness and the cross of Christ.

So in this post, rather than reflect on what Bridges has to say, I’d just highlight some of his comments I found helpful and raise a few questions I’m thinking through.

Selfishness
I found it helpful to be alerted to the subtlety with which selfishness can shows itself in our lives – selfishness with
our interests,
with our time,
with our money,
and through being inconsiderate.

I wonder if we can also be selfish with our homes? Many Australian Christians have wonderfully spacious and well equipped homes that provide great opportunities for hospitality. I do appreciate that for some of us our family situation may limit our ability to show hospitality (chronic illness, unbelieving spouse, parents or children, child protection concerns) but I also think we may have developed a selfish mentality of “my home is my castle” and we keep the drawbridge up, rarely inviting others, Christians or unbelievers, for meals. We can be reluctant to commit to hosting a Bible study in our home, unwilling to host a member of visiting mission team, or invite singles to share a meal with us in our home on a regular basis. We much prefer to meet with people in cafes, restaurants or in the church buildings, and so we miss the wonderful opportunity to model Christian home life in action and to possibly talk more deeply with people in the privacy of the home.

“The greatest example of unselfishness is the Lord Jesus Christ, who though He was rich, for our sake became poor so that by His poverty we might become rich. (2Cor8) (p106)

How do we discern the difference between selfishness with our time, money or homes, and protecting my, or my family’s welfare?

Lack of Self Control
“A person without self-control is vulnerable to all kinds of temptations” (p109)
And because we tolerate this (lack of self control), we become vulnerable to other “respectable sins”…sarcasm, gossip, slander and ridicule.” (p110)

Bridges suggests we consider our self control in the areas of eating and drinking, temper, personal finances, and what we view – on screens and in books and magazines.

“Are their desires, cravings, or emotions that may be out of control to some degree? (p114)

“Teach the older men to be…self-controlled…teach the older women not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine… then they can train the younger women…to be self-controlled… similarly encourage the young men to be self-controlled” (Titus 2:2,5,6)

Impatience and Irritability
I like the way Bridges keeps reminding us that so many of the respectable sins we tolerate are inconsistent with the fruit of God’s Spirit in the believers life and so must not be tolerated in our lives. They may be acceptabel to us, but they are not acceptable to God – and that matters!

I like the comment that sometimes the impatience of another may be God’s way of growing patience in me! (p119)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness , kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” (Gal5:22-23)

And as we read on in Galatians (5:24-26) we’re reminded of how we deal with each of our respectable sins. And it’s got nothing to do with trying harder or beating ourselves up. And ignoring, excusing or minimising these subtle sins won’t rid our lives of them – that’s just mind games! We cultivate unselfishness, self-control and patience by remembering that

“those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires”.

It’s all about having crucified our sinful nature, with Christ in his death. And now,

“since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit”.

Respectable Sins: Chapters 11 and 17 "Pride" and "Judgementalism"

2010-10-20T09:04:00.001+11:00

There’s lot of overlap in these chapters so I’d like to consider the respectable sins of pride and judgementalism together. In addressing these sins, let’s remember Jesus promise to those who take sin and holiness seriously –

Seeing the crowds, he went up on the mountain, and when he sat down, his disciples came to him. And he opened his mouth and taught them, saying:
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.”

The sins we’re addressing are those we’re inclined to not take seriously. After all, I have enough serious sin to deal with in my life, so my management approach is to prioritise my sins. I devise a mental “hit-list” of those requiring immediate attention, and the “roundtuit” list of those I’ll hopefully get around to dealing with.

The problem is, the sins on the “roundtuit” list gradually become tolerable, and eventually I can’t even see them in my daily life. I no longer name them as sins, they’re simply “my personality”.

Our hearts are deceitful above all else (Jer 19) and it’s convenient, (and far less painful!) to dismiss some sins as “not relevant to me” or “not my issue”. But we’re to be holy as our Father is holy (1Pet1). We’re not expected to conquer all our sins this side of heaven, but we are called on to take all sin seriously and begin putting it off (Eph 4), and not excuse, tolerate, minimise or dismiss sin. Knowing that, in Christ, the penalty for our sins has been paid and the powerful reign of our sinful nature has been defeated is a great motivation for us to actively co-operate with the Spirit’s transforming work in us.

Did you notice the recurring theme of humility in this chapter? If you’re interested in thinking more about cultivating a humble heart, you might find C J Mahaney’s “Humility – True Greatness” a helpful read.

In Chapters 7 to 20 Jerry Bridges bravely and helpfully alerts us to some of the subtle ways in which judgementalism and pride can be present in our lives. I think these
help us to identify the presence of these two sins in our lives, where previously we blind to them.

There’s
* the pride of moral superiorty,
* the pride of doctrinal superiority,
* the pride of achievement – by us or those with whom we identify closely (family,
church, school, denomination).
* the pride of an unteachable attitude – or as Bridges calls it, an independent spirit.

I’d like to add,
* the pride of a self sufficient attitude – the unwillingness to accept help, or to be dependent on others. This is a subtle sin for those of us who have been brought up to be independent , who with a full basket of life, people and professional skills. Fo rmay women we’ve been reared and trained to value and pursue personal competency, relational and financial independence. If life has been tough we may have learnt to be survivors and rely only on ourselves. We can be proud of this and unwilling to accept the grace of God expressed in the kindness, provision and care of his people.

Bridges suggests that the sin of judgementalism is present
* when we elevate personal preferences and convictions to the status of Biblical truth,
* when we hold our Biblical convictions with pride and self righteousness, but without humility,
* when our doctrinal disagreements include character assassination and slander, and
* when we have become habitually judgemental and developed a critical spirit.

Where to from here?
“Pray over (these) chapter(s), asking God to bring to your mind any tendencies of pride (or judgementalism) in these areas and then confessing them as sin. As you do so, remember God’s promise in Isaiah 66:2 :This is the one I to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word.” (p99)

Respectable Sins: Chapter 8,9,10 "Anxiety and Frustration", "Discontentment" and "Unthankfulness"

2010-10-19T22:15:00.001+11:00

Grouped together, as in the title, these respectable sins sound so ugly! What exactly is it that makes them sinful? Aren’t they just the sad reality of life for forgiven saints, this side of heaven?

Throughout these chapters Bridges repeatedly highlights that anxiety, worry, frustration, discontent and unthankfulness are unacceptable and intolerable sins for at least 2 reasons – they are a denial and of the character of God and an affront to what he’s achieved for us in the cross of Christ.

These are not benign sins. We might like to think that our unthankfulness is a minor sin because it doesn’t affect anyone else, but ingratitude, whether to God or other people, indicates an impoverished appreciation of God’s character of goodness, generosity, mercy and grace towards us, materially and spiritually.

We might think these behaviours need to be dealt with because they’re “not a nice way to live”, that life is so much more pleasant for everyone if we all work at being chilled out, patient, content and thankful. But that’s not the point is it! That sort of thinking is just humanistic pragmatism.

Each of these sins is unacceptable and intolerable to God because they are not consistent with his character of holiness, which we are commanded to imitate (1Peter1:15-16).

When we display these sinful behaviours we’re saying something about the character of God. We’re saying “God, my life isn’t as good as it could be, you don’t know what is good for me, you could do better for me, and you don’t have my interests at heart. “ When we’re anxious or worried and don’t (or won’t?) pray, when we’re not thankful or content, then we’re buying the lie that God will not, has not, or is not able to, care for me in ways that are good for me.

Bridges refers to a number Bible passages that command us not to fear or worry. Instead we’re to pray, be content, at peace with our lives, and thankful. How do we cultivate lives of thankfulness, contentment and aquiescence (love that word!) in God? The answer lies in the character of God. Bridges refers to a number Bible passages that command us not to fear or worry, to pray, to be content and thankful and underlying each of them are deep and wonderful truths concerning the character of God.

God knows me perfectly and intimately, and always has, he is always with me (Ps 139), so I can trust him in the darkest and most worry-inducing moments of life. He is my perfect loving Heavenly Father, who knows my needs better than I do, I am his child, of infinite worth to him (Matt 6, Lk 12), so I need not be anxious but can be content with my lot, trusting him to always be caring for me, working for my good, but also for his glory.

In the Scriptures God is revealed as being always perfectly good, loving, wise, sovereign and providential (did you notice the helpful definition of this aspect of his character on p64?). When anxiety and worry do not drive me to pray, when thankfulness to God is absent in my prayer life, when grumbling and negativity creep in to my conversation, thoughts and prayers, then I need to shift my focus off the circumstances of life and onto the character of the God who gives, knows, directs and sustains my life. The letter of John Newton, quoted by Bridges (p66) is a wonderful example of how a firm belief in the goodness, sovereignty and wisdom of God will help us to respond to every event of life in ways that are pleasing and honouring to God.

God is also revealed in the Bible as Saviour, the God of rescue, mercy, grace and forgiveness, in Christ. Bridges speaks of the occasion where Jesus healed 10 lepers but only one was thankful for his healing. I’m reminded of the heart of Habakkuk who was able to rejoice in God, not because of his circumstances - he’d lost pretty much everything and there was worse to come! Habakkuk’s contentment was grounded in the knowledge that God was his Sovereign, Saviour and strength.

When we’re discontent and unthankful then we’re saying “God, you need to give me more, , you haven’t done enough for me!”. What does that reveal about the value I place on all that God has done for me on the cross. He sacrificed his Son to save me from his wrath, forgive my sin and restore me to himself – isn’t that reason enough for me to give him endless thanks, be content and trust in him with my lot in life.

It seems to me that our challenge is to deepen and grow our grasp on the character of God and all he has done, and is doing, for us, so we see more clearly, with God’s eyes, the awfulness of our discontent, unthankfulness and worry. Our task is to cultivate a strong trust, deep thankfulness and steady contentment in God that grows out of an intimate knowledge of his character, revealed in the Scriptures.

My prayer is that reading this book will move us to open our Bibles, to re-kindle our desire to know God well and seek his help to deal with those areas of our live sthat do not honour and please him.

Respectable Sins: Chapter 7 "Ungodliness"

2010-10-13T18:58:00.001+11:00

I've found much to think through in this chapter. For starters Bridges concept of ungodliness seems to be different to mine. I suspect that says more about my Christian understanding than anything else!

I tend to think of “ungodliness” as a collective word describing all our actions, words, attitudes that are not pleasing to God. But Bridges suggests that there is a specific sin of ungodliness, and it is a sinful attitude, rather than an act.

He says “Ungodliness may be defined as living one’s everyday life with little or no thought of God, or of God’s will, or of God’s glory, or of dependence on God”(p54). He seems to be suggesting that ungodliness is the respectable-looking sin of not being God-centred. We think of unbelievers as not being God-centred in their thinking and living, but so are the saints. Whilst many of our actions may not be wicked or evil, our thinking can still be very un-God-centred.

If we define ungodliness as a way of thinking that is not God-centred, then I can see that ungodliness could be the root cause of many of our respectable sins. But I’m not sure the words “ungodliness” and “godliness” are used this way in the Scriptures. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

Certainly many passages in Scripture do urge us to be God-centred in our day to day thinking. Bridges mentions James 4:13-15, and points us to the God-centred prayers of Paul in the first chapters of Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians. The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7), Romans 12:1-2, 1Corinthians 10:31, and 2 Corinthians 5:11-21 likewise urge us to shape our mind-life around what matters matter to God, renewing our thinking about ourselves, others and life, in the light of the character of God and what he has done for us in Christ. In these Scriptures we also see that God–centred thinking is cross centred thinking, because it’s in the atoning work of Christ that we see most clearly the character of God and what matters to him.

It seems to me that we’ll only want to centre our thinking and living around God if we‘re fully convinced of his worth. If we don’t believe God is deserving of being centre stage in our lives, then we’ll shift ourselves so he’s “out of sight, out of mind”. And that’s why it’s so important for all the saints to know God well, for us to havea theology of God that is grounded in the Scriptures. A growing, working, applied theology of God and what he does is essential if I’m to remain convinced that God is worthy of his place at the centre of my life and thinking. This might lie behind Bridges encouragement to develop an intimate relationship with God (p57-58).

If ungodliness is the sin of un-God-centred thinking, then certainly “Our goal in the pursuit of godliness should be to grow more in our conscious awareness that every moment of our lives is lived in the presence of God; that we are responsible to him and dependent on Him. This goal would include a growing desire to please Him and glorify him in the most ordinary activities of life.” (p60)

The challenge of this chapter comes in a great question Bridges asks as he finishes - “What would you do differently in your various activites of the day if you were seeking to do all to the glory of God?”(p60).

Respectable Sins: Chapter 6 "Directions for Dealing with Sins"

2010-10-12T14:01:00.001+11:00

This is the chapter where we need to put out the advisory road signs As we begin the journey of dealing with our respectable sins we need to take care and exercise caution, because our sinful nature will not help us remember that in Christ we have been credited with Christ’s righteousness, that we put to death the sin in our lives only by the Spirit’s power.

Bridges speaks of our “default setting”, where we rely on our will power to deal with our respectable sins. My default setting involves trying harder to get rid of sin, “pulling up my socks”, “cleaning up my act”, praying harder, and more often. I beat myself up emotionally over sinful words, actions and thoughts, partly out of frustration, but also in a futile attempt to get the awfulness of my sin to sink into my head. My default setting when overwhelmed by my sin is to return to ignoring, minimising, excusing justifying etc, etc, my sin. In the long term, none of these tactics are effective. More to the point, when we rely on ourselves to deal with sin we’re effectively saying “God, your grace, in Jesus’ sin-bearing death, the gift of Christ’s righteousness credited to me, and your Spirit dwelling in me, are not good enough to forgive me and for dealing with my sin.” What an insult to the Father, the Son and the Spirit!

It is always the grace of God

Bridges “directions for dealing with sin” are helpful, coming after we’ve spent so much time applying the gospel and the work of the Spirit to the task of putting to deathour “no longer acceptable sins”. We’re about to start examining specific respectable sins. Do you think these directions will be helpful and realistic, as you begin to put to death those sins? Why?

I did appreciate his perspective on those times of disobedience and defeat, when we’re trying to move forwards but seem to be being pushed backwards, in the guerilla warfare between our sinful nature and the Spirit. At these times the Holy Spirit is not condemning us, or against us. Bridges suggests that the Spirit is using these times “to help you see how deeply rooted your sin is and how totally dependent you are on his power to help you.” And that, is glorifying to God!

Bridges says “ our spiritual life may be compared to the motor of an electric appliance. The motor does the actual work but it is constantly dependent upon the external power source of the electricity to enable it to work. Therefore we should cultivate an attitude of continual dependence on the Holy Spirit.”(p49). I’m thinking I’ll print out Romans 8:13 on a gift tag and attach it to electrical appliances I frequently use - my hairdryer, the iron, the kettle!

“Grace abounding, strong and true,
That makes me long to be like You
That turns me from my selfish pride
To love the cross on which You died.

Grace unending all my days
You’ll give me strength to run the race
And when my years on earth are through
The praise will all belong to you.

Grace paid for my sins and brought me to life
Grace clothes me with power to do what is right
Grace will lead me to heaven where I’ll see your face
And never cease to thank you for your grace.”

“Grace Abounding” Bob Kauflin,
from “Sovereign Grace Music Live”

Respectable Sins: Chapter 5 "The Power of the Spirit"

2010-10-11T21:31:00.001+11:00

As we’ve been reading “Respectable Sins”, alongside the Scriptures, we’ve been challenged to consider the awfulness of our sin before our holy God. We’ve been reminded that Christ’s death, in our place, cleanses us from the penalty and guilt of our sin.

However, all sinful saints know, on a daily basis, the ongoing presence and power of sin in our lives. And as our appreciation of God’s holiness and the price paid for our salvation deepens, so does our awareness of the depth, horror and deceitfulnes of our sin.

Isn’t it wonderful knowing that at the moment of salvation you were intimately united with Christ, in his death, that the reigning power of sin was crucified with him! Bridges describes sin as having been de-throned in our lives. To help us remember this Romans 6:6 would be well worth memorising, as would verse 11 where Paul tells us to make sure we think straight about ourselves and who rules in our lives – in Christ, we are dead to sin’s rule and alive to the reign of Christ!

The ongoing challenge we face is of course the “guerilla warfare” waged by sin’s presence in our life. We can almost feel Paul’s frustration as he describes the struggle between the desires of the Spirit and the desires of the sinful nature in Romans 7:14-24. But then he moves on to rejoice that those who are in Christ live under the controlling influence of God’s Spirit (7:25 – 8:27).

What does it mean to live under the controlling influence of God’s Spirit? Isn’t it tricky getting our thinking straight on what Bridges calls “the principle of dependent responsibility’ expressed in 2:12-13? Another great verse to be very familiar with, because it reminds us that we are responsible before God to be actively putting sin to death and, at the same time, to be fully dependent on the Spirit to achieve this.

The truths shared and explained in this chapter are so important to grasp. I think for many of us walking by the Spirit is almost an overwhelming burden, and that may indicate that we haven’t grasped the reality of the power of the Spirit in the life of the forgiven sinner. I think there’s a real value in small groups of women getting together to fine-tune our understanding of the power and work of the Spirit. In the Scriptures we will come to grasp and appreciate that the reigning power in our lives is not sin, but the Spirit and that God is indeed working in us that which is pleasing in his sight. Then we’ll be better equipped to help each other “think straight” about the Spirit’s work, when we find ourselves discouraged, struggling to keep in step with the Spirit, despite our best efforts. In his book “You Can Change” Tim Chester suggests (Ch9) that the community of God’s people are the God-given setting for enabling change in the saints.

A starting point would be to openly acknowledge to each other the struggle to keep in step with the Spirit. We may not want to share specific examples of sin, but simply together acknowledge there is a struggle.

Then it would be wise to go to Scriptures such as Romans 6-7, and Galatians 5:16-26 to remind each other of the reality and power of God’s Spirit in us. Bridges shares some helpful passages that assure us that God’s Spirit is indeed transforming us into his likeness (2Cor 3:18, Phil 4:13, Heb 13:20-21)

Having this reassurance we might be in a better place to start acting on our obligation to put to death the deeds of the body (Romans 8:12-17 and Colossians). The prayerful fellowship of a fellow struggler might make the obligation to live out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phil 2:12-13) less of an overwhelming burden. The work of getting rid of our behaviours that grieve the Spirit of God (Eph4:20-5:7) might become a joyful challenge.

There’s been much to challenge us in these first 5 chapters. With a pastor’s heart, Bridges recognises this, finishing with the following comforting, yet also challenging, words of Jesus. Perhaps pray that this would be your experience as you confront the sins we tolerate.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” Matt 5:4,6.

Respectable Sins: Chapter 4 "The Remedy for Sin"

2010-10-09T12:38:00.001+11:00

“My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things: that I am a great sinner and that Christ is a great Saviour”.

As much as I want to encourage us to memorise Scripture, as we go to work on our respectable sins, these words of John Newton, towards the end of his life, are worth quoting and remembering.

As we read this chapter I’d suggest we note each of the Bible passages Bridges refers to. Then set aside an hour to read each passage of Scripture and drink in the reality of the gospel as God’s remedy for sin, whether scandalous or respectable. This really is the chapter that drives me to the Scriptures –to read, recall, remember, rest in and respond to the redemption won for me by God through the cross of Christ.

There are a number of comments Bridges makes in this chapter that I want to keep in the top drawer of my thinking.

I was, and still am, a great sinner.
I should expect to see evidence of sin in my life. This frees me up to go looking for it! Having identify sins (including those I’m inclined to ignore), to acknowledge it as sin, and start dealing with these sins.

I can expect to become more sensitive to sin.
As I grow in Christ-likeness, and as the Spirit does his work of conviction, I’ll see respectable sins as unacceptable, in the eyes of my Holy God’s. And I’ll rejoice and be glad to see this happening in me!

The gospel is not only for unsaved sinners, but for saved sinners.
The gospel reminds the saints of the cost to the Father and the sacrifice of the Son when they dealt with our sin and that I must to take seriously my ongoing sin.

The gospel reminds saved sinners of how totally and sufficiently God has dealt with their sin.

The gospel assures me that the guilt and power of sin have been dealt with, and I’m freed up to acknowledge every expression of sin in me and to start dealing with it.

When we “get” the gospel message we are filled with an enormous sense of thankfulness for what God has done for us and continues to do in us.

Have a look at the opening chapters of Paul’s letters to the saints in Rome, Ephesus, Colossae. Each letter begins with a powerful gospel summary. A deepening appreciation of the the gospel of God’s grace in Christ, is what will motivate saved sinners to live lives of holiness and to address their sins (Rom1-8, Eph 1-2, Col 1:15-23). Paul reminds Titus, and us, that it’s the “appearing” of the grace of God that brings salvation (2:11) and of the kindness and love of God (3:4) (ie the gospel), that will empower and motivate the saints to say “no” to ungodliness and be devoted to what is good.

And so it’s enormously helpful for us to be actively preaching the gospel to ourselves, and to each other. What Scriptures would help you to preach the gospel to yourself? Jerry Bridges provides a great selection on p37-38. My preference is to to memorise longer passages of Scripture that contrast my life before and after God drew me to himself, rather than a single verse. But this does mean I can only manage to memorise 1 or 2 passages!

At the risk of sounding like Maria, here are “a few of my favourite gospel things” – Rom5:6-11, 2Cor 5:21, Eph2:1-10, Col 1:21-23, 2Tim1:8-10, Titus2:11-14, 1Peter2:22-25, and my personal favourite – Titus3:3-8.

Jerry Bridges mentions several great hymns that remind us that Christ is God’s gracious, powerful and effective remedy for sin, past, present and future. A Christian friend was recently seriously ill and in severe pain, and found herself reflecting deeply on the things that really matter. In the midst of the pain, the song that kept playing in her mind was Getty and Townend’s “My Heart Is Filled With Thankfulness”. which speaks of Jesus who plumbed the depths of our disgrace , crushed the curse of sinfulness, but also clothes us in his light, and has written his law of righteousness upon our heart.

Toplady’s “A Debtor to Mercy”, Charitie Lees Bancroft’s “Before The Throne of God Above” and John Newton’s “The Look” are other hymns I’ve personally found helpful. Versions of these hymns can be found on the cd “Upward-the Bob Kauflin Hymns Project”, from Sovereign Grace Music.

As stirring and helpful as these hymns are, they should drive us back to the Scriptures. The Scriptures will always point us to Jesus Christ and his death as the remedy for our sin, and will keep reminding us that great sinners, like you and me, have a great Saviour in God’s Son.

Respectable Sins: Chapter 3 "The Malignancy of Sin"

2010-10-08T12:24:00.001+11:00

This chapter focusses on the “malignancy of sin” and it’s appropriate that we look closely at the awfulness of our sin. Of course as Christian believers we do know the remedy for spiritual and moral malignancy - the penalty for my sins, including those I might want to label as tolerable and excusable, has been fully paid, “our hearts have been renewed…we have been freed from the absolute dominion of sin…God’s Holy Spirit dwells within our bodies.” (p24). The penalty of sin has been paid in full, the power of sin is fully defeated. These wonderful realities are liberating and free me up to face the ugly reality that sin is still present in my life. In “The Pursuit of holiness” Bridges comments –

“Frequent contemplation on the holiness of God and His consequent hatred of sin is a strong deterrent against trifling with sin….Granted, the love of God to us through Jesus Christ should be our primary motivation to holiness. But a motivation prompted by God’s hatred of sin and his consequent judgement on it is no less Biblical.” (p31)

But just whilst we read this chapter, let’s focus on looking at our sin through God’s eyes, and not shy away from seeing our sin as God sees it.

How do you deal with ugly, scary, sickening scenes in movies? Do you realise the scene is coming, quickly covering your eyes and ears? Do cover your eyes the minute you catch a glimpse of the horror? I tend to just avoid movies that depict the awfulness of life. Is that a little like the way we deal with sin? We devise strategies to avoid naming our sin as “sin”. We latch on to what Bridges calls the “feel good about myself “ philosophy of our times. I’m guessing that’s the strategy of excusing, justifying and explaining away our sin. We can be slow to tremble before the splendour of his holiness (Ps96) and quick to deflect responsibilty for our sin onto other people, and powers beyond our control. I think I especially mobilise these strategies when it comes to “soft sins”.

As a Christian I tend to excuse my sin by comparing my character and conduct to the Christian community around me, what Bridges calls “cultural holiness” (The Pursuit of Holiness, p25). I adapt to the behaviours and character of the believers I move amongst. But when I do that I’m leaving God out of the picture totally! What God says about my sin is what really matters! Nathan pointed this out to David (2Sam12:9-10) and in time, David recognised that “against you, you only have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight” (Ps 51). All my sin, including what the world might be willing to excuse, is wicked in God’s eyes and we’ed eceived of we ythink otherwise (1Cor6:9-11). I need to see all my sin as ugly and serious, because all my sin is an offense against the holy God, who is too pure to look upon evil (Hab 1).

We need to grasp both the horizontal and the vertical dimension of our sin. Sin certainly damages my life and the lives of others. But more importantly it is “an assault on the majesty and sovereign rule of God. It is indeed cosmic treason.”(p27). God’s holiness is perfect freedom from all sin (1Jn1:5) and we’re to be holy as he is holy (1Peter1:15-16). God cannot tolerate or excuse sin. He hates sin (Zech8:17). And that should be our view of our sin, too (Ps119:104).

When I allow God in his majesty and holiness to define what is offensive to him, then I start to understand that the sins I tolerate are intolerable to Him.When I look at my sin through the lens of God’s perfect holiness, then, like the Puritans, it won’t sound extreme to confess my sins using language such as “scandalous, filthy and abhorrent”.
Instead, like David we’ll ask “Who may ascend the hill of the LORD? Who may stand in his holy place? “ (Ps24)

You might like to read and commit to memory some of these passages that speak of the holiness of God – Exodus 15:11, Isaiah 6:3, Hebrews12:14, Revelation 4:8.

Would it be helpful for you to make a habit, along with brushing your teeth, of privately confessing and repenting of your secret, respectable sins, to God, before you go to bed?
You might like to use one of the Bible passages above as the basis of your prayer.

Respectable Sins: Chapters 1 and 2 "Ordinary Saints" and "The Disappearance of Sin"

2010-10-08T11:50:00.001+11:00

It’s all about me! Through October we’re reading a book that is very much about you, and me, but it won’t be a pretty picture, at least not at the start. We’ll be looking at my sin, and yours.

How do you do feel about the prospect of spending a month reflecting on attitudes and responses that you might like to think of as “acceptable” sins, but God might not tolerate? Respectable Sins was challenging when I first read it early in 2009. I read through the book again earlier this year as I contemplated writing these posts. And I’m going to re-read the book as I put finger to keyboard and write these posts. It’s been a painful couple of years!

As we read, our lives and our subtle sins will be under the microscope of God’s word. I expect to be once again confronted by the greatness of my sin and the holiness and grace of our God, in the person and work of his Son.

It seems to me there are several responses we can make as our sins are exposed. There’s the fight response - we can dismiss Jerry Bridges as unreasonable or extreme in his call for the saints to pursue holiness, declaring indignantly “Who’s he to analyse my life!”. Or we can rise up, resolving to conquer our sinful behaviours and undertake a DIY spiritual boot camp. There’s the flight response where we justify and dilute our sins – and we know an endless number of creative ways of doing that! Or those of us with sensitive consciences might respond with fright; overwhelmed by our sinfulnesss, we sliding into a black hole of despair and guilt.

For these reasons, I plan to travel slowly through the first 6 chapters of “Respectable Sins”. Jerry Bridges models very real wisdom and pastoral love in the way he spends nearly one third of the book helping us to dig deep into the Scriptures, encouraging us to strengthen our appreciation of the malignancy of sin, the remedy for sin and the power of the Holy Spirit. I’d suggest we can do no better than to follow his lead.

So a few suggestions as we start our journey –
* let’s spend more time humbly reading for ourselves the Scriptures Bridges points us to, and looking for others that speak to the topic. Let’s reflect deeply on these words opf God, and pray over them, with the humility to be challenged and taught by God himself.
* let’s pray for ourselves, and our fellow book-clubbers, that we’ll be convicted, not by the writings of Jerry Bridges, but by Spirit of God, in the Scriptures.
* we can be praying for each other - that we’ll each have a deepening awareness of our sin, God’s holiness and his grace in Christ.
* as you read the Scriptures, perhaps choose some Bible passages that are especially significant for you, in your struggle with subtle, respectable sins. Choose passages that remind you of your sinfulness, but also scriptures that remind you of God’s grace, mercy and enabling power. Commit these to memory, write them on cards, post them around the house, on the car dashboard, load them on to your ipod, as an aid to renewing your mind and transforming your life.

I’m comforted by the reminder in chapter 1 that, even in the pear shaped Corinthian church, Paul often addresses God’s people as “saints”. Do you think of yourself as Saint_____ (fill in your name!). Why?

Take some time now to thank your merciful God for calling you out from your old sinful way of life and setting you apart for his glory. Ask him to help you remember that the fellow saints with whom you meet weekly were, like you, “bought with a price” (1Cor 6:9), and are now new creations in Christ (2Cor5) – even the difficult ones!

In chapter 2 Bridges raises the question of how we define sin in our Bible believing churches. He bravely challenges us to consider whether we have effectively created 2 categories of sin – the respectable sins of the saints and the serious sins of society, “my sins” and “their sins”. How do I attempt to reshape some of my sins into something respectable, acceptable?. I redefine, justify or relativise them - in my mind, of course! “My sin is not as serious as that sin…at least I’m not…but you’ve got to understand my situation”. My sins are unavoidable, in the circumstances. I rationalise, minimise, excuse and explain them (“it’s my upbringing, circumstances, personality, PMT, menopause”). I deflect my responsibility and blame others for my sin.
What about you?

In our Bible believing Australian churches, I wonder if we recognise that all sin is serious in God’s eyes, but it’s all a bit overwhelming so we pick a few sins that we’ll take seriously and work on, and leave the rest. A bit like the house work – clean the public rooms, the obviously dirty rooms (toilet, bathroom, kitchen floor) but leave the private rooms and the dirt we can tolerate (the laundry, window tracks, behind the lounge). But sin is significantly more serious than housework isn’t it? And that leads us to chapter 3.

In the light of these 2 chapters, try turning this passage into a prayer for yourself.

Luke 18:9-14
The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.'

But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, 'God, be merciful to me, a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other.

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."